Rejected Being

Woke up crying
Mom asked why
I cannot remember the dream
I remember
Not wanting to be alive
Why did he leave
I just never knew
Mom said
This is what I will do for you
I will reach out to him
Because he owes you this
She ended with a kiss

The time was arranged
The phone did ring
Tears was all I could bear
He waiting for a while
With a lisp he asked
“are you there”
From his point of view
I didn’t need anything
My mom would provide it all
Thus the burden was past to me
Would I leave my children, like he left me

Children arrived one at a time
After a while I started to understand
It isn’t easy to be a father, to be a man
I reached out again
Just one more time
Arranged a visit sporadically
Ended up in his home for the night
Not necessarily comfortable
But just something I needed to do
Even saw pictures of my “nephews”
With the same dimples that my two have
Regardless of individual feelings
Genetics are still passed

That was the end of that chapter
We connected a few more times
Nothing significant
Just no longer had any interest
But somehow that one scene
It still gets to me
On the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire
In one of the final scenes
Will asking Uncle Phil
“Why he don’t want me?”