Recognized it quickly

Early on in childhood

Ninety houses on one street

I was one of the few

Where it was just

My mom and me

It was clearly recognized

Just a different energy

Things that

Were significant for us

The relationship was based on trust

The mom had to provide

Meaning I saw her sporadically

When she was home

She was tired

From all the sacrifices for me

She would absolutely be there

For all those trivial things

From the first house to the last

Families upon families

We enjoyed our youth profusely

Individually everyone had their issues

But when we were together

We had no issues

But everything was different for me

Because in our crew

I was the one that had the curfew

The individual with the single parent home

Most of the day no one was home

No one to even get peace from

Dude was never there

It was just the challenge

I’m the only one that says “dad”

But when I say it

It has no meaning

No one responds

The air swallows it up

No one gives a fuck

That’s when the promise started

I never wanted to be that dude

Eventually I started labeling others

Calling them dad because I had none

Camp counselors, teachers

Any man I gave a crown to

Always had men in my family

But they weren’t always around

And every man with the same belief

He’ll be okay eventually

He’s mom can do more than me

Signs were evident

something was wrong in me

But not those normal

Red flags you see

I wasn’t in jail

Went to every class

Did exceptionally well

Teachers viewed me well

Mom provided everything

Supporting both of us

But now that festering of pain

Always feels like it will erupt

So accustomed to this feeling

Dare not disturb the feeling

Just keep ignoring the signs

Let them pass with time