Not sure what to do with this emotion

Wallo reminded me about expectation

Here I am doing what I tell ME not to

Thinking how’d I get to a place where it got to

Feeling so unappreciative in all this

Just that deep pondering that I miss

Accepting envy from the TV

Creating unrealistic moments of fantasy

Mind repetitively reminding me

All this was initiated by me

Afraid to contemplate the true meaning

Knowing the outcome is demeaning

Avoiding every truth I see

Instead of managing what could be

Trying to ignore everything that could be

Just trying to reach a state of peace

If I could just stop thinking of the increase

Know it ain’t right but I need to release

The future is too far to be seen

Focused on the past in what It should be

Missing out on every present opportunity

Then expecting peace when I’m sleepy

The impossible creation of these dreams

Closer than what it seems