Handle on me

Hurting for so long
Self inflicted pain
Rationalizing others effects on me
I cannot remember anyone staying with me
At some point everyone leaves
De prioritized me
So eventually I would leave
Before they would leave me

Do not share the inner you
Having prescribed emotions
Reading people before they read you
Staying on the defense
Only trust my own boundary
Cause I know it’s just me
The mirror looking at me
And the only one it sees is me

Living four lives on a constant basis
The reality of the past
Wondering how long pain will last
The what if of the past
As if I could avoid my past
The fantasy of the future
And presently As if the previous three
Don’t already have a handle on me