Unwanted For So Long

I have been unwanted for so long
Only want people
that don’t want me
Lovely feeling chasing
fake memories
Making beauty
out of the worse things
If I ain’t unwanted
must be something wrong
Cause why would someone
Ever wanna want me
Cause why would someone
Ever want to stop
putting pain on me
Addicted to this pain
It’s the only real thing

I have been unwanted for so long
Afraid to
say my own name
It must be the initiation
of this innermost pain
Magnetism embedded
In the syllables
Pulls negativity
directly into me
Sitting and waiting
Waiting and thinking
Thinking and listening
Listening and believing
Believing in pain
Cause pain is what I know
So I keep it close to me

I have been unwanted for so long
Rorschach said to me
It makes me happy
I don’t wanna even see
that you stay hurting me
It’s not you
It’s me
Situational silence
Violent surprising
Weight heavy for me
World won’t wait for me
Will you bring it to me
That peaceful way
Loving me everyday
Thinking it’s a new way
When it’s my only way