Counting up missed opportunities

Somehow they didn’t become dear to me

When you were here

Life was forever

So there was always another opportunity

Then the life I was expecting

Didn’t become reality

And all those words

Each thought

Every dream

Just turned into a fantasy

Counting up missed opportunities

Reflecting on personal interactions

As if they were just simple transactions

Debits and credits constantly

Managing self fulfilling accounts

Never took into account

That one day the coffers would be empty

Hearing the words didn’t scare me

Just left me empty

They said you were gone

But no one said what was wrong

Counting up missed opportunities

Convincing myself

Everything happens for a reason

Telling myself

God doesn’t make mistakes

Looking in the mirror

Hoping to see strength

Instead of this reality

I absolutely want to avoid the ceremony

I think it’s called paying our last respects

Instead I turned off everything I had left

Counting up missed opportunity

Admitting each mistake I’ve made

Making vain promises

That I will never be in this situation again

Promising to tell everyone I love them

Promising to make time while they are here

Promising that nothing material will interfere

Promising that this pain will end

Yet I stand over this casket

Tears breaking through

Realizing every one of my sins