It wasn’t until that day I knew
I fucked up
And the world reminded me
Momentarily
Paralyzed in hysteria
Seeing my baby girl
I needed to atone
For every single thing
I did wrong
Begging for forgiveness.
It wasn’t until I recognized
Every foul word
And even pleasant words
I would use them without meaning
Just to temporarily
Create a scenario
I always pretended
It was for a meaning
But mirrors only tell the truth
Begging for forgiveness.
It wasn’t until I looked
Into my own eyes
Yet I stood there surprised
Raised harshly so lovingly
Three women formed me
Although there was testosterone
Those genes never formed
Not a single positive thought
Only doing what I was taught
Begging for forgiveness.
It wasn’t until I heard
Don’t worry about it
It was ok
That I knew it wasn’t ok
Not a single one of them forgot
Each loving word
The illusion I created from nothingness
I was that knight in amour
That African prince
Begging for forgiveness.
It wasn’t until I remembered
The sins of the past will last
My seeds will be perpetuators and victims
From the previous seeds I planted
Yet I don’t know for certainty
If they have other siblings
Although I never tried to disappear
Before that time of the month
Indicating everything was clear
Begging for forgiveness.
It wasn’t until the world stood still
And I held my baby girl
I wanted so much to smile
Looking at what was mine
But I had to cry
Knowing what was mine
Each pain I caused
I pray your vengeance on me
Not this precious baby I see
Begging for forgiveness.