It wasn’t until that day I knew

I fucked up

And the world reminded me

Momentarily

Paralyzed in hysteria

Seeing my baby girl

I needed to atone

For every single thing

I did wrong

Begging for forgiveness.

It wasn’t until I recognized

Every foul word

And even pleasant words

I would use them without meaning

Just to temporarily

Create a scenario

I always pretended

It was for a meaning

But mirrors only tell the truth

Begging for forgiveness.

It wasn’t until I looked

Into my own eyes

Yet I stood there surprised

Raised harshly so lovingly

Three women formed me

Although there was testosterone

Those genes never formed

Not a single positive thought

Only doing what I was taught

Begging for forgiveness.

It wasn’t until I heard

Don’t worry about it

It was ok

That I knew it wasn’t ok

Not a single one of them forgot

Each loving word

The illusion I created from nothingness

I was that knight in amour

That African prince

Begging for forgiveness.

It wasn’t until I remembered

The sins of the past will last

My seeds will be perpetuators and victims

From the previous seeds I planted

Yet I don’t know for certainty

If they have other siblings

Although I never tried to disappear

Before that time of the month

Indicating everything was clear

Begging for forgiveness.

It wasn’t until the world stood still

And I held my baby girl

I wanted so much to smile

Looking at what was mine

But I had to cry

Knowing what was mine

Each pain I caused

I pray your vengeance on me

Not this precious baby I see

Begging for forgiveness.