Cannot explain this hole in me
I open up the old albums for 1983
The smile looked real and sincere
But I do not ever remember
that feeling being there
It was just me and her for the longest
You stepped on the scene
Knew straight away
You were the strongest
I thought life was real
When ya’ll got married
And I got your last name
First party I remembered
At the Cornucopia
Everyone so thrilled
Dancing endlessly
Staying with family
As ya’ll drove away
Remember running up the steps
Saw you laying on the floor
I was scared to death
Crazy part is, I was up to no good
Use to still your coins
Just rebelling because I could
Thought you were gone
Ambulance arrived
You kept saying you were fine
Everything suddenly collapsed in me
Read this letter
About how much you loved me
And how what is happening
Wasn’t about me
Just something that couldn’t be resolved
Those words they stung me
Wasn’t even a year since the ceremony
Really thought you adopted me
Couldn’t accept that you never left
Even got a house in walking distance
Still bear your last name
But it’s not the same
Trying to explain to the seeds
My father is not their grandfather
You are not my father
Their grandfather is not my father
And they looking at me like I’m insane
Promised God at that point
Before I was even two digits around the sun
I would never give that feeling to my son
It created this burden in me
Breaking through stereotypical curses
So many unresolved emotions
So embedded In my psyche
Just to release it
creates thousands verses
And I cannot to this day
Say I am healed from any of it
More like build up resilience
To all kinds of bullshit
Temper stays short and lit
Portray a light hearted laugh
Keep people real relax
But the gritted vengeance
Already considered how to end this