I am in disbelief
Never would have guessed
That somehow we would be at peace
Literally thinking about you right now
Normally when this happens
It is a connection of energy
I can just feel when people think of me
With you…
I just don’t know
It isn’t that you don’t love me
But I am not the only one you live for
So I believed wholeheartedly
There would never be a place for me
So I never even approach the table
That business collar
That I always see around you
Never looked anything like mine
So why would I even think
We could ever be more than this
Now…
I’m stuck in this….
There is this lesson
That sticks out to me
About birds and being together
Forced so many assumptions
Now seeing the true you
I’m deepened in sickness
Because this timeline
That we living
It could be completely different
Different doesn’t mean better
And it don’t mean worse
So I have to leave out my opinion
Putting all my trust in God first
Now sure what’s leading this
But…
The one thing I know for sure
I only get one wrong move
And you are gone for sure
No reconciliation
No need to even apologize
Nothing but ignored messages
A list of missed phone calls….
Unable to even pinpoint the change
When did the light switch
What I am saying is
This is NOT what it used to be
We was mad cool
Just chilling casually
Even looking at your old flicks
I can notice when the pain
When It no longer was acceptable
When you were ready for something new
When I saw you years ago
That wasn’t what you was into
You was ten toes down for whatever
Now….
You a lot more wiser
Definitely more clever
Priorities are absolute
But I never imagined you needed time to
Oblivious to reality
You didn’t need someone to fit in
You just needed someone to be there
Provide that comfort
That beautiful loving care….
Giving this dependence
And this blatant conflict of interest
Just reflecting about this
I would rather be silent and keep you
Then say every truth and lose you
The truth does set you free
But freedom is not my target
Selfishly I am constantly there
Even if it isn’t physically
Still not used to this messaging frequency
That’s really what did it for me
It used to be just local messages
Periodically check-ins
Nothing too serious
And it could be just me
And that is where the pain lies
Not that it would lead to anything
But I want to hear you say
I love you after my name
And it mean more than it meant
Energized in your holistic energy
And beyond that
Its just your beauty
How could I ever be in your sphere
I’ve been so reluctant to get there
And when I see you
I’m like damn
Is she deep in thought
What is really happening
Never felt anything so special