Sy Bryant

Tag: Fatherless

  • Win baby WIN

    Shit on my mind, got me buzzed, but not fucked up
    All these past feelings from past decisions got me messed up
    No matter how close to the present I am
    The past won’t let me pass so here I am

    Swear to God, I can hear my heart beating in this crowded place
    Crazy shit is I’m surrounded by people and still in a lonely place
    Trying to manifest a new way from a simple thought
    All this education and opportunity was my escape or so I thought

    Watching the sunshine right in front of my eyes from a cloudy view
    Then I realize the sun is really shedding light on the shit for plain view
    And I’m contemplating and relating and motivating myself
    I can see the future through the past, I convince myself

    Tomorrow is tick tocking, just a few hours away
    All I’m doing is waiting, just wasting away
    Was this the grand plan, was this how I’m suppose to win
    Fuck this shit, need to break camp.. And win baby win.
    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

  • Days long gone

    Time gone.
    And every time the past comes to the present,
    I can feel the present being wasted again.
    That past is cemented in the deep caravans of the earths core.
    There is nothing that can be done with days long gone.

    Time alone.
    In the midst of time it stands alone.
    Unstoppable. Unforgiving.
    I just need a single moment to allow the past pain to heal.
    But you push me forward as if my pain is irrelevant.
    There is nothing that can be done with days long gone.

    Time free.
    Never once paid for you, but you are constantly in my life.
    Each day I become more indebted yet I never even asked for you.
    I need freedom. You’ve held me too long.
    There is nothing that can be done with days long gone.

    Time bound.
    I cannot find peace.
    You hold me so tightly I cannot see my next step.
    And I struggle to even believe.
    Why do you command my life so strongly.
    Why cannot I just be I.
    There is nothing that can be done with days long gone.

     

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

  • Never knew

    Never Knew
    Sitting here thinking bout the past,
    I’m always surprised I was able to make last.
    It ain’t an anchor but a lot of lessons learned,
    now I’m just tryna heed my own words.

    Just never knew I’d end up here.
    Filled with all kinds of shit I don’t wanna hear.
    Thinking of the present future with the past right here.
    If only you knew,
    if only I could bare.

    Walking this street with the rain falling.
    Screaming out loud and it’s God I’m calling.
    I need to understand why I’m being punished.
    Who did I hurt?
    What did I do?
    Feeling like I’m finished.

    Just never knew I’d end up here.
    Filled with all kinds of shit I don’t wanna hear.
    Thinking of the present future with the past right here.
    If only you knew,
    if only I could bare.

    Think I’m scared to know the truth.
    What would be revealed if I knew the truth.
    Contemplating shit that ain’t real.
    Caught up in past decisions like it’s my final deal.
    What now am I suppose to do?

    Just never knew I’d end up here.
    Filled with all kinds of shit I don’t wanna hear.
    Thinking of the present future with the past right here.
    If only you knew,
    if only I could bare.

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

  • M.O.R.E_

    There is more, much more… but I only see the preview. And I can never tell what this is about. Is this already the main scene, or am I suppose to make a conclusion based on these illusions. I need more.

    There is more, much more… but it feels like I’m picking cotton, getting ripped up for the smallest bit of softness. There are so many questions that I’m left in. I don’t know what to ask for. I need more.

    There is more, much more…but when I think about what it means to want more, makes me wonder why I have that feeling, why I prayed for this, and what will it mean in the grand scheme. I need more.

    There is more, much more… but I cannot even imagine that which I’m longing for. Like a psychotic episode truth be told, I’m losing my sanity just to find out what’s best for me. I need more.

     

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

  • The Night

    The night is my worst enemy, with its shadows of mystery trying to get me.  The darkness knows all that I am, seeing me strong and weak, always in constant watch tempting me with that wicked energy.

    The night is the only way to the sun.  Yet hides the way for patience sake, nothing more could be done.  Waiting to wait.  Anticipating the suns rays, hoping light will show a new way away from this dark retreat.

    The night and me have nothing but contempt. We know each other’s moves, yet we never go further than distant associates.   A head nod is all that’s exchange, as night hints it’s time for you to get out the way.

    The night stills the world.  To rest.  To become new.  The night moves suns shadows and focus causing me to lose focus.  The night the tranquility of the unseen, nothing is visible in its serene.

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

     

  • Tear

    Tear haven’t seen you in years, we agreed we are better apart. You claim to refresh my soul, but all I feel is the pain you start. You know me well I lost control again feel like I’m in a spell once again.

    This tear, filled with fear
    , sign of my pain
    , tears me up
    This tear, could it be in vain?

    Thought this was true. The true truth is more than I can pursue. Just cause I hit pause, may mean this feeling is lost. Lost in emotion out of control, seeing my whole life from a different soul. She knew me, before I spoke a word. All that’s left is this tear from my soul.

    This tear, filled with fear
    , sign of my pain
    , tears me up
    This tear, could it be in vain?

    Is it Sine or Cosine or some new flow , the frequency is hard to control. Where is this going? What will we do? if this was a different week, would I pursue? Is this the future or a hidden fantasy? Why do these tears always blind me?

    This tear, filled with fear
    , sign of my pain
    , tears me up
    This tear, could it be in vain?

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

  • manifested

    img_1108

    Say the word it’s reality
    managing the manifestation
    of simple childhood wishes
    Managing the manifestation
    Of adolescent dreams
    Managing the manifestation
    Of new entry goals
    Managing the manifestation
    Of mid life crisis
    Managing the manifestation
    Of grandchildren licenses
    Managing the manifestation
    Of being 6 feet under

    Speaking powerfully with no control
    Couldn’t control the time
    Couldn’t control the place
    Yet I still spoke with powerful grace

    All the things I’ve asked for came to past
    At the end still in this wooden box
    In a concrete case with 283 cubes of dirt on my head.

    Could never just be in the moment, so I lost every moment I lived. Always manifesting toward the future, missing every gift from the present. In the end. It’s just the end. Got everything I wanted and still have nothing.

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

  • A Daze

    A Daze
    Alone in this minute,
    alone for hours,
    but not a second passed.
    Alas.
    I see the clouds on the move,
    trees & leaves giving way,
    yet I’m stuck in the past.
    Wishing time didn’t exist,
    in which love I wouldn’t miss.

    Hearing words I know,
    a normal melody,
    but can’t understand a sound.
    I’m bound.
    People yelling my name.
    But nothing will change.
    I don’t make a move.
    Cause I know they ain’t talking bout me.
    They calling that dude I use to be.

    Lost in a world,
    but it wasn’t meant for me.
    I’m just lucky to be here,
    can’t you see.
    The trouble I face,
    the pain I feel,
    it’s manifested unnaturally.
    I’m tryna live,
    that’s a lie,
    just existing trying not to die.
    Just here.
    In this moment in time.
    Suffering for every dime.

    Where are my dreams.
    My Fantasies.
    All I accept is misery.
    Every breath could be my last.
    Is this really where I want to be.
    I heard of happiness,
    like a mythical creature.
    It’s rarely seen,
    people talking about this experience that use to be.
    Where’s mine.
    My time.
    Where’s mine.
    My time to shine.

    Stuck in a daze.
    mind on craze.
    Lost in time.
    Lost in my mind
    Just stuck

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved
  • Just a thought

    Just a thought

    img_4693
    Just a thought,
    and my mind starts
    Energized
    fantasy fills my heart
    Focused on different realities
    Discovering different roots of a tree

    Just a thought,
    and I’m thinking about history
    Passionately
    recalling coincidental touch
    How different life could be if it was just you and me
    Benign plots, serious plans, just too much

    Just a thought,
    now I’m at an end
    Trying to accept where our lives intercept
    Believing in more, with every new step
    But in this reality we will always be.

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

  • P.A.I.N.

    Gentle talk coming my way, what you doing? how’s your day? Gently turned deep. REAL DEEP. REAL QUICK. Constant reminder of reality.  Heart hurting. Mind gone. Anticipating the normal ol song.

    Peace, where can I find you.

    Pain, want no parts of you.

    I, just didn’t know it was real

    Now, it’s gone, I hate how it feels.

    Trying to think this through, living for today is what I thought I was suppose to do.  Now I’m confused. Wanted to believe in what we could do. No disrespect. Always the hurting truth.  Heart is inside out, what to do.

    Peace, where can I find you.

    Pain, want no parts of you.

    I, just didn’t know it was real

    Now, it’s gone, I hate how it feels.

    I felt free.  Happily wrote poetry.  Haven’t done a real smile since the last century.  Now its all gone. What’s wrong? Tears come down. Living in the now, I can’t do you.  Pain too intense, can barely breath. Voice goes silent, Just wish I could sleep.

    Peace, where can I find you.

    Pain, want no parts of you.

    I, just didn’t know it was real

    Now, it’s gone, I hate how it feels.

    My hands so dirty can’t even hug you.  Burden so heavy hard to love you. Hard to know my life fits into a week, now that I’m open I feel so weak.  Pain, my old friend. Sad that your back again. But at least I know you, and we know how to be together forever.

    Peace, where can I find you.

    Pain, want no parts of you.

    I, just didn’t know it was real

    Now, it’s gone, I hate how it feels.

     

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

  • Truth is the Root

    (more…)

  • Tryna write it out

     

    If I could write out everything, maybe it would be something new to sing.   The stories of the past weigh on me. Never found anyone to share with me.  Everyone wants me to solve their problems, but what do I do about my problems. Trying to write it out.  The pain.  Lost dreams.  Unfulfilled hope.  Small things.

    Embarrassed for you to know everything I do is not in control.  A lot of gut reactions, just so happens to turn out right for someone else.  But for me the gut reactions don’t work.  Just endure day to day.   Trying to write it out.  The pain.  Lost dreams.  Unfulfilled hope.  Small things.

    Never had a good day in my life.  Moments of smiles since I was a child.  People promising fake beliefs, the disappointment turned me really mean.  Now I cannot believe what people say.  People just say shit to get you out the way.  Trying to write it out.  The pain.  Lost dreams.  Unfulfilled hope.  Small things.

    Cannot spend my whole life in complaints.  So I just keep the train moving.  Pretending day to day, making people believe everything is ok. Then I noticed people just accept what they want to believe and what’s really going on will remain unseen. Trying to write it out.  The pain.  Lost dreams.  Unfulfilled hope.  Small things.

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

  • Empty Me

    Empty Me
    The line went dead,
    No more messages read,
    No Notification tone,
    All indications of being alone.

    Far too long,
    Stuck alone listening to song,
    Could say I’m at peace with serenity
    But she don’t even wanna fuck with me.

    What did I do, what did I say,
    To make everyone I connect with go away,
    Once or twice you can blame someone else,
    But when it’s routine you gotta blame yourself.

    Using vain repetition to hide the constant pain,
    Relying on being bold and confident, hiding the tears in the rain.
    At some point reality will be clear and
    I will have to answer to everyone I held dear.

    Sitting here wondering,
    Lay on the bed and stare,
    Is it a belief? Is it a wish?
    Could I ever be what I’m suppose to be instead being the empty me?

    Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved

  • Seasons


    Winter people are a constant drain
    Enter your life stealing everything
    Always requesting what they need
    Don’t even know your name
    Any ask of them, they are as cold as winter.

    Spring people are filled with energy
    The positivity shines for all to see
    Bubbly, energetic, cosmic powers that be
    Doing all that can be done to share the light
    Anything they have springs toward you.

    Summer people, just annoying to the core
    Self absorbing daunting in themselves
    Wanting all the cool air to blow their way
    Cannot fathom anyone else even exist
    Nothing peaceful, just deceitful, heat of summer.

    Fall people are the most selfish
    Preparing for their own evolution
    No thought is given to anyone else
    Their only plan is their own plan to endure the winter
    If you fall for Fall you will fall hard.