Waiting For It

Waiting for it
That day they spoke of
Receiving counseling about it
Joined a few groups about it
Not sure what it will do to me
Waiting on everything

Waiting for it
Just a single line of thought
Sounded so simple
When the doctor described it
Do this or be doomed by it
Only option is to get through it

Waiting for it
They looking intently
Expecting a treatment decision
Giving me all these options
Then suspecting indifference
The response comes slowly
What do they want from me

Waiting for it
Two surgeries in one
How does that even work
Keeping me unconscious
With my innards exposed
Intricately extracting pieces of me
Good and Bad leaving me

Waiting for it
Looking differently forever
People still using flattering words
Stuck between believing what they say
And what I see
Learning to once again
Find my own beauty

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