Can’t have you
The way I want
The way I need
Why does it feel this way
Feeling so deeply
Hearing your name
I ain’t the same
Whenever I hear
Your name
Now you saying
I’ll never again
Hear your name
Can’t we even talk
After the endless dark
Waiting patiently
Can you feel me
Why the distance
Feeling your absence
For the last time
If you leaving
Just leave
You pretending
To love me, when
Love never leaves
Surrounded by breathing things and 100 things to do. everything strange, no one is real. In my own space, thoughts here, serene emptiness.
Alone for So long.
Spinning endlessly around this sun, thinking about the first day I saw my son. Planting new seeds with old pain each generation thrown to death.
Alone for So long.
Systemically enslaved. Mentally starving for the potential I so eloquently locked away. Wanting that Cosby Show life, deep rooted emotional pain.
Alone for So long.
Socially inept. Leading or a shadow stuck between. No interest in just being seen. I don’t know society. Don’t know people. I know alone.
Alone for So long.
Just met you
Traveling through the universe
Kept thinking I missed you already
Whole life a curse
Woke up anew
Just felt you
Never laid one eye on you
Yet I know you’re there
Patiently I wait to meet you
Open our minds
To new hearts
Our new life starts
Releasing past guilt
Atonement for legacy’s will
Mastering the path ahead
Shackled discarded limbs
Sun’s release of energy
Past now dead
Cold heart becoming warm
Anticipating end of the storm
The smile upon my face
The acceptance of grace
Knowing the destiny
Divine sanity
Beautiful feeling
Knowing someone that knows you
Completely open to everything you do
Support you even if it means they ain’t with you
Simple text just to know I’m thinking bout you
Year after year
We back again
Captivating feeling.
Beautiful feeling
Seeing that same face
The same way I saw you from back in the day
Remember those daytime rendezvous
Eventually nighttime engagements
No matter what it was
It was always in love
Lovely feeling
Beautiful feeling
Just takes 1 text
And smiles begin
Through every moment in time
Still having that same friend
Knowing how critical they are to me
Be that bottom jawn if need be
Grateful feeling
Lost my mind
Saw your picture
Something bout
Those eyes
Drew me closer
Crush on you
Since school
Always excused
Why I wasn’t
With you
Lost my mind
Lost my mind
Every time
I see you
It’s like
The first time
We got this
Yo-Yo thing
We can go back
We go forth
But we never lose
What we endured
Lost my mind
Lost my mind
Thinking bout you
Keep thinking
Bout that
Dear thing born in you
Straight missing you
Distance guards us
But that love
It’s supernatural
It’s so powerful
Loving you
Lost my mind.
Confined in frustration
Institutionalized in speculation
Blinded justice
It’s not just us
Ingrained in the earth
Lost at birth
Intentionally marginalized
Don’t be surprised
Accepting the fact
Disarray is packed
Shocked to attacked
Frustrating circumstances
Void of chances
Rolling dice after dice
Avoiding random advice
Controlled by every vice
Digging into every chasm
Longing for every spasm
Anything to feel a feeling
Long past my last cause
Cause death seems appealing
I’ll never reach that glass ceiling
Circumventing regulation
Doing anything out of desperation
Grinding through exhilaration
Maintaining this station
Pretending every dream comes true
As if every prayer is for you
The dramatic scene is serene
Looking and looking, looking so mean
It’s the reality of what it seems
Knowing that you know
But what does it mean
Rejecting the endless fantasy
Avoiding life loans
Loving instead of dreaming
Doing over sleeping
Driving into the mystery
Seeking each void of humanity
Building an infinite memory
Ending each regret
Taking every bet
Leaving nothing to be desired
Fueling this fire
Still here
Thinking bout you
Can’t even feel
That connection with you
We were bonding
So I thought
Now we are wandering
Thinking…..
Don’t fully accept
Why you left
But learned from the past
Don’t hold on too long
More you hold on
Sooner and longer they’ll be gone
So I’m here
Thinking bout you
Thinking…
When you’re ready
Still here
Same number
Still here
Same DM
didn’t go anywhere
Still here, still here
Grateful for the time
Smiling when I think
About fast food lines
Chit chat, eat a snack
Things feel different
I don’t know
What am I missing
Friendship indeed
Praying…..
One day
You’ll need me again
I’ll be right there
Attentively listening
Doing anything I can do
Cause I’m at my best
When I’m with you
Heart pounding
Getting louder
Just heard your ring
It’s that power
Praying….
When you’re ready
Still here
Same number
Still here
Same DM
didn’t go anywhere
Still here, still here
I don’t want to be here
I don’t want to be anywhere
Anywhere that is required Of me
It never lets me just be me
Let me exist in the shadow
Periodically wanting me to interject
As if I’ve always been here
I don’t want to be here
Don’t want any sense of responsibility
Don’t want any bill to call upon me
Don’t want to be dependent upon
Just want to breathe every day until the sun is gone
Just want to breathe every day under moonlight
Seeing waves caress my blight
I don’t want to be here
Where people say hello before my name
Where there’s an expectation that I do the same
Where everyday is not really for me
Cause someone somewhere needs me
Wanting me to do what they wouldn’t do for me
I don’t want to be here
Staring in the air mindlessly
But always on call in a minute
Waiting a call, text some type of message
When my cycle of existence
Is based on someone else’s persistence
I was using you
Creating fantasy
Trying to get through life
Never asked if it was ok with you
Pinged you
Intent to make you feel good
Just to make me feel good for helping you
You was right
I am focused on me
Self abnegation fills me
And I have no intent
On anything less
Must confess
Sacrificed so much self
Have no interest in anyone else
You was right
I do pass on
What God passing through me
That’s the full extent
That’s all it will be
Never met someone
That was there for me
Purely a lie
You was right
People that reach out to me
I don’t reach back
It’s like I’m looking
Seeking something
Not intended for me
Instead of passing all God’s word
Have to start keeping some for myself
You was right
Inhaling from the inside out
Longing refreshment
Chilled air warmed soul
Deeply deeply breathe
Life’s curious ways
Anxiety driven passion
Exhale relaxing satisfaction
Deeply deeply breathe
Winding to conclusion
Slower repetition
Subtle warmness
Deeply deeply breathe
Copyright 2018 Sy Bryant. All rights reserved
Sy Bryant 