Category: Fatherless
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Discomfort
Discomfort into missed expectations
Self-creating feelings that don’t exist
Thinking some alignment with things
In reality it was just my imagination of things
Discomfort into missed opportunities
Working along an entirely different scheme
Believing I was riding or dying
The feeling of anxiety giving unnecessarily
Discomfort into missed probabilities
Self-diagnosis leading to hypnosis
Perpetuating a self fulfilling prophecy
Wondering what does this all mean
Discomfort into missed possibilities
Shifting a timeline completely differently
Seeing the comfortability evaporate
Digesting the repetition as I evaluate
Discomfort into missed feasibility
Without a shred of doubt the sky the limit
With hidden agendas becoming evident
Without the sanctity of unit
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The Fault
All this time
I knew we wasn’t friends
But I didn’t know we were enemies
Now that I know
There is nothing else there
Regret every laugh shared
Knowing comprehensively
The fault sits with me
Wasted so much time
Had me thinking we doing one thing
But saying something else
You worried about actions being completed
That isn’t currency with me
Trust and loyalty
They are the only meanings for me
The fault sits with me
All that time spent
Rethinking every single opportunity
Reliving each of those small things
It was all in deceit
The anger is beneath my feet
The possibility that I allowed
Shot down viciously
The fault sits with me
Can never get that time back
Not sure why or what
I just know that it is over
Never again be in that position
Never again put trust
When there’s no connection
Now I realize it
The fault sits with me
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Never Aligned
Never aligned
Your day is my night
You stay on my mind
But it’s never alright
Talking about the same concept
Talking from a different perspective
Feelings happened from the onset
Always made me over protective
Never aligned
When reality hit you
Started losing my mind
Instinctively I miss you
Reliving dreams as if they were real
One day you asked me if you were mine
Knowing the situation is not ideal
Knowing we still need to intertwine
Never aligned
I want it to be problematic
But then something else hits my mind
The thought of you is an aphrodisiac
Nothing matters in that moment
The hardness felt just from text messages
The ecstatic smile is potent
The love cultivated like a specimen
Never aligned
Just the Eb and Flow
Stays occupying my mind
Then I thought if I just let it go
Life would be so much easier
If I just let you in
Expecting catastrophe of a meteor
Sharing everything I held within
Never Aligned
But the thing that’s different
The thing fucking with my mind
Everything becomes significant
You are mine
Completely and fully
There is not a single deadline
So I don’t have a single worry
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Thankfully
Thankfully
I can just write and write
And let every emotion out
That is what peace is about
Emotion creating expectations
Expectations leads to disappointment
Thankfully
I can go from frowns to smiles
Years ago
That same thing
It would take hundreds of miles
Now peace comes with a smile
Thankfully
There is no serenity unity
Unless there is peace individually
Releasing the pleasure
Looking toward the future
Attention to the culture
Thankfully
The power of the pen
It helps me lean
All the way in
Getting everything
All the way out
Thankfully
Even with defeat
I see the deceit
Now that I see it
There is nothing left to it
But to release it
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The Night
The night is my worst enemy,
with its shadows of mystery
trying to get me.
The darkness knows all that I am,
seeing me strong and weak,
always in constant watch
tempting me
with that wicked energy.
The night is the only way to the sun.
Yet hides the way
for patience sake,
nothing more could be done.
Waiting to wait.
Anticipating
the suns rays,
hoping light
will show a new way
away from this dark retreat.
The night and me
have nothing but contempt.
We know each other’s moves,
yet we never go further
than distant associates.
A head nod is all that’s exchanged,
as night hints it’s time
for you to get out the way.
The night stills the world.
To rest.
To become new.
The night moves suns shadows and focus
causing me to lose focus.
The night
The tranquility of the unseen,
nothing is visible in its serene.
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Wrong Expectations
Maintaining the wrong expectations
Forcing myself into beliefs
Believing that everyone always strives to improve
Believing that everybody wants more in life
Believing that we all know we need to know more
Loving the wrong expectations
Forcing myself into attractions
Thinking that beauty equates to personality
Thinking memorization is the same as intelligence
Thinking good thought leads to good action
Realizing the wrong expectations
Forcing myself into realism
Hoping that I accept what is right in front of me
Hoping that I do all I can do without you
Hoping that this is all just a dream and peace is peaceful
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Boom
So close to lighting up
Every time a request come up
Cause when I
Request something of you
Rejection, pacification its how we do
Yet if it ain’t for me
You quickly have words for me
Priorities set real clear
Plan to me
Pain so near
At my last strike
You don’t even know
How I’m doing
Never ask, nor care
Dissolving away
With no fear
At least you have
Someone that cares
Me, I here
But ain’t no one else here
Fuse is getting real short
Already lit
And I’m seeing it
Just dwindle away
So quickly
Like a brick wall
Just hit me
Into a reactive state
Catalyst ain’t too late
Sparking me into reality
Timer ticking away
Feel it slipping away
All my conscience that’s controlling me
Fading away into the natural me
Purely evil with selfish intent
Primal instinct is what I meant
Evil ego won’t let it go
Revenge is needed
For me to let it go
Forgiveness is ignorance
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Eventuality
Seeing you lying there
Unwilling to accept reality
Life wasn’t intended to be fair
Endless cycle of the Earth’s core
Shuffling us endlessly
We all have one common
Eventuality
Hearing youth refer casually
Lack of Mr. , lack of Sir
First name commonality
Exiting life so freely
Narcotics and alcohol
Compounded routinely
Eventuality
The latest story
Heard it so clearly
Confronted on the block
Using loaned narcotics
Avoiding the crack commandments
Outcome predetermined
Eventuality
Owing large revenue
Nothing in hand
Nothing else to do
Archaic methods applied
Upon the torso and head
Ignoring whats next
Eventuality
Sobering moment
Knowing consent was given
No more life within
Holding to every promise lost
Grasping laugh of the past
Accepting reality
Eventuality
Recalling instances
When laughter filled me
Fueled off of your very energy
Cannot fathom what led you astray
Thought the love was sincere
If it was, you would still be here
Eventuality
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Eternity
Eternity of vengeance
Lays beneath my skin
Absorbing every pain
Every situation I’m in
Gently gliding fluidly
Patiently feeling unity
Eternity of envy
Admiring possessive beings
building their happiness
Creatively framing this
Projecting different opportunities
Anxiety of empty dreams
Eternity of forgiveness
Voided understanding
Impossibility treating you differently
Imagining you didn’t damage
Awoke inner savage
Hardened into hatefulness
Eternity of kindness
Sweet summer breeze
Surf rising below your knees
Remembering the hatefulness
Accepting gracefulness
Rejecting the peace in this
Once or twice you can blame someone else,
But when it’s routine you gotta blame yourself.
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Moment
Existing in this moment
Lost for a moment
Forget every moment
That I loved for a moment
Slowly crying out this fear
So tired of this fear
Avoiding life in fear
Losing everything through fear
Understanding every time
That I wasted so much time
Remember counting each time
That I lost every time
Slowly see things differently
Shall I contemplate differently
Life hitting me differently
Resurrecting new beginnings differently
Existing in Earth’s moment
Breathing but a moment
Feeling every moment
Loved that moment
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Death comes inevitably
And I’m running around
Crazily into the mystery
Pretending I can make
Something more of me
As if I can change
My family’s legacy
And I’m watching
Life on this earth
Embedded in her hearth
Struggling to see clearly
Looking through mirrors
Cannot even see me
And I’m just moving
So slowly That the world
It’s just spinning around me
Barely keeping up
Losing minutes
Lost time for me
And I’m thinking
Maybe this life
It ain’t for me
But I don’t need
To do a damn thing
Cause death comes inevitably
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Waiting
Waiting on the steps
From the dawn of light
Anticipating the excitement
From last night
Plans was made
Times agreed
Made sure I was washed up
Eat up
Ready for anything
Dawn turned to day
Way before pagers and cell phones
Ringing the house
No one was home
Patiently waiting
Mom tryna convince me
It’s better to wait inside
So afraid to miss my ride
Just counted the cars go by
Day turned to evening
Friends coming back
Full day of sweating and playing
Asking if I’ll go for round 2
Nah, I said I was waiting for you
Continued to wait
Excitement in me
Every-time I saw
Car lights slow down momentarily
Evening gave way to night
Crickets starting
Lighting bugs now visible
Steps my anchor
Misery my crucible
Mom says you just called
That you apologize
You’ll make it up
First time I no longer gave a fuck
Night turned into a new day
Kept tryna to think
What did I do
Why didn’t you come get me
I was good all week
Got all my work done
You promised to be there
I didn’t know lying was acceptable
Maybe I was just gullible
New day turned into New Years
Same little promise
But now I know
As plain as I can see
Your words and actions
don’t mean the same thing
We was never the same
Always saw you differently
Never again wanted that pain
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Desperate attention
Yearning solitude
Pursuing anyone
Irrelevant person
Desperate attention
Selfish attitude
Invaded peace
Limited proximity
Desperate attention
Affiliated quiet
Grappling affection
Irresponsibly loving
Desperate attention
Sheltered anxiety
Intimate desires
Instantly gratified
Desperate attention
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Demons
Got so many demons
Of shit
About people leaving
And shit
When people stay around
I’m out the shit
Only thing I’m use to
Is being alone
So when the house is full
It don’t feel like home
Feeling alone
just being me
People in my life
Stay reaching out
And if I knew they’d stay
I would reach on out
Reality different for me
Keeping distance
Plain as you can see
Treat everyone
Based on the torture of the past
It’s how I’m built
This wall will last
Got me before
Ain’t happening no more
Sy Bryant 