Author: careermasteryacademy
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I See You …. Say Less
I see you
And I must admit
This is all some Ol’ selfish shit
I have separation anxiety
From people that I love
Eventually abandoned me
I’ve learned to never say goodbye
Just allow time
To work in time
This was the first time
I missed an opportunity I wanted
To say good-bye
Because I know In reality
You were coaching and supporting me
Appreciating every warm and gentle Hi
And I will miss you
As if I could give you a Good bye
And if I could have said good-bye
I would have shared
That I am proud of you
You spoke change into existence
…..
Now your are living in that blessing
Say LessI see you
Wanting the best for EVERYBODY
The desire is SO HIGH
It draws on your every emotion
It is not confusion or an illusion
The MDs may diagnose it differently
Listen to me…
You have that vision
You can visibly feel
What’s inside of every single body
It is natural
It is your God giving ability
Putting your guard down
Just so that we can feel more comfortable
Your tears lead to my tears
Even momentarily
You want US
To see in US
What YOU
already see in US
….
You are a beautiful energy
Say LessI see you
When you speak
I see your aura moving
Fluctuating effortlessly
Elating in natural movement
Limited only by your own limitations
The world will soon see a day
Classically elevating
Pirouetting simultaneously glowing
Allowing everything in you
To flow through you
The confidence of a mountain in a storm
The gentleness of a feather when it’s warm
Strength gliding through unknown scenes
…..
It is the real you
Say LessI see you
I read all the accolades
But didn’t realize who you were
Creating environments out of ether
Encapsulating what was once a whisper
Inspiring different thoughts
Welcoming silent pain
Enabling strangers to release misguided beliefs
I don’t know how you saw us
I could never fathom this situation
Magically maintaining our collective energy
Strategically pausing to allow growth
Intimately showing us our true worth
We are blessed to have you in our life
And When you said
You pray for us
…..
I couldn’t hold the tears anymore
Say LessI see you
Barley knew you
But I realized when you said hello
We were suddenly family
As your sheer essence is one of love
Embracing each one of us
Accepting, even from a physical distance
Every bit of feedback you’ve accepted
And even better
You did something with it
You are a protector instinctively
You care intrinsically
Giving of yourself limitlessly
Yet I wonder what we can do
If we could possibly feed into you
Giving daily as you breathe
…..
Your energy is your generosity
Say LessI see you
Walking firmly, confidently with humility
Understanding your history
For better or worse
You are destined for victory
Seeing the lose in your eyes
It comes as no surprise
The talisman reminding you
Of every struggle you’ve been through
It’s still one day more
Than he was allowed to endure
I hope that you can walk
More than just in the shadow of men
…..
You were created to be more
Than just a son, brother, uncle and friend
Say LessI see you
The real you
Filled with all kinds of energy
Mirror reflecting more than imagery
I can feel you
Bursting out of me
Yet I limit you
It’s what I was told to do
Get a good job
And a family too
Do what’s practical
But remain sensible
Suddenly
I can no longer subdue
…..
The real you
Say Less -
Missing Something
What’s wrong… nothing
But I know you, it’s something
And social media saying a lot
Real or fake cannot tell the plot
Just know I’m missing something.
What’s on your mind…. nothing
But on IG I see something
Pics of words, pics worth a thousand words
Could just be copied and pasted
Just feels like I’m missing something
What can I do to help… nothing
But on FB you saying something
Wishing for, praying for, asking for it
But I ain’t a part of it.
Just believe that I’m missing something.
Cannot believe in your nothing.
When my heart is telling me it’s something.
Cannot read your mind that’s for sure
Got me in a no win situation once more
Just tired of missing something.
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The Night
The night is my worst enemy,
with its shadows of mystery
trying to get me.
The darkness knows all that I am,
seeing me strong and weak,
always in constant watch
tempting me
with that wicked energy.
The night is the only way to the sun.
Yet hides the way
for patience sake,
nothing more could be done.
Waiting to wait.
Anticipating
the suns rays,
hoping light
will show a new way
away from this dark retreat.
The night and me
have nothing but contempt.
We know each other’s moves,
yet we never go further
than distant associates.
A head nod is all that’s exchanged,
as night hints it’s time
for you to get out the way.
The night stills the world.
To rest.
To become new.
The night moves suns shadows and focus
causing me to lose focus.
The night
The tranquility of the unseen,
nothing is visible in its serene.
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This Is The Reality
This is the reality
The majority of my time
I spend on other’s lives
Leveraging everything Family given
And I give to others
Freely and completely
Give it, like I received it
Without expectation of anything
This is the reality
raised with a different view
Expectations were too high
To ever be close to failure
Now I struggle with anyone
That intentionally wants failure
Pushing feverishly
Until others can see their own destiny
This is the reality
I don’t give a fuck about anything
Literally could stand up
And walk out, And never return
Embedded from my legacy
Selfishly I only think about me
When it is no longer satisfying
To help you see the truth… ✌🏾
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I could Miss You
I could miss you
But I don’t
Spent too many days
Learning bout your ways
And at the end of the day
It didn’t even matter
It was all just chatter
What really hurt
Is that my heart
Didn’t even matter
Listening to this same ol song
You still asking me what is wrong
The same thing that was wrong
The very last time
And I keep saying
This will be the very last time
But you already know
That it’s not
I guess that’s why
There’s no thickness
To this plot
No matter what you do
You know I’ll always
Be right here for you
But what you fail to see
Is that each and every time
You brought me to my knees
You showed me
You ain’t what I need
You created an opportunity
For me to see what I need
So I’ll be here
But only for them
Cause that one calling out next
They got me next
And they are really into me
Not just exaggerations in a text
I could miss you
But I don’t
Spent too many days
Learning bout your ways
And at the end of the day
It didn’t even matter
It was all just chatter
What really hurt
Is that my heart
Didn’t even matter
My heart use to sink
Remembering
When I use to think
This was something forever
Knew in my heart
This was meant to be forever
Now when I sigh
I cannot give you a reply
There’s nothing to say
I can bullshit if you need it
Ok, how was your day
You showed me over and over
That if you was driving
I would be
Run right over
Got strangers calling the spot
I’m clean as a whistle
So why it feel so hot
Like do you have any love for me
Do you even know what I need?
Do you have any empathy?
Of what it feels like
When the one you love
Never gives you love
Cause love don’t feel like this
Love don’t feel like this
It don’t feel like this
I’m so tired of this
I could miss you
But I don’t
Spent too many days
Learning bout your ways
And at the end of the day
It didn’t even matter
It was all just chatter
What really hurt
Is that my heart
Didn’t even matter
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What It Seems
Not sure what to do with this emotion
Wallo reminded me about expectation
Here I am doing what I tell ME not to
Thinking how’d I get to a place where it got to
Feeling so unappreciative in all this
Just that deep pondering that I miss
Accepting envy from the TV
Creating unrealistic moments of fantasy
Mind repetitively reminding me
All this was initiated by me
Afraid to contemplate the true meaning
Knowing the outcome is demeaning
Avoiding every truth I see
Instead of managing what could be
Trying to ignore everything that could be
Just trying to reach a state of peace
If I could just stop thinking of the increase
Know it ain’t right but I need to release
The future is too far to be seen
Focused on the past in what It should be
Missing out on every present opportunity
Then expecting peace when I’m sleepy
The impossible creation of these dreams
Closer than what it seems
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Thinking And Thinking
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
One day you came home
You hid your phone
You a phone addict
Now you’re hiding it
We all hear it ringing
Now just vibrating
Something so wrong
Where is your phone?
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
Now you’re distant
One word answers
Something is different
Cannot talk to you
Nothing to listen to
Trying to see you
Too busy, too tired,
So much to do
Being too you
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
My heart hurting
Now know the reason
Seen this post
Heart just broke
You in the background
Something else holding you down
My mouth wide open
Now it’s for certain
I knew. I knew Pain
What to do?
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
Thinking and thinking (what am I missing)
What am I missing
Just texted you
Asking what ya doing
Vague answer
Respond with the post
Now you calling
I don’t answer
Now your texting
But I’m long gone
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Wrong Expectations
Maintaining the wrong expectations
Forcing myself into beliefs
Believing that everyone always strives to improve
Believing that everybody wants more in life
Believing that we all know we need to know more
Loving the wrong expectations
Forcing myself into attractions
Thinking that beauty equates to personality
Thinking memorization is the same as intelligence
Thinking good thought leads to good action
Realizing the wrong expectations
Forcing myself into realism
Hoping that I accept what is right in front of me
Hoping that I do all I can do without you
Hoping that this is all just a dream and peace is peaceful
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What Do You Do?
When it don’t even hurt no more
Is there anything more
Taken in all sorts of the word
Taken for granite with every word
What do you do
When there’s nothing else to do
When it don’t even hurt no more
Every moment looking at the door
Every minute a choice to leave
Every second the guilt piled on me
What do you do
When all hope has left you
When it don’t even hurt no more
Counting of the score
Of each and every no
My how rejection grows
What do you do
When there is no more left in you
When it don’t even hurt no more
Disappointment is expected
After each and every rejection
Left in a state of awe
What do you do
When faith is done with you
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Boom
So close to lighting up
Every time a request come up
Cause when I
Request something of you
Rejection, pacification its how we do
Yet if it ain’t for me
You quickly have words for me
Priorities set real clear
Plan to me
Pain so near
At my last strike
You don’t even know
How I’m doing
Never ask, nor care
Dissolving away
With no fear
At least you have
Someone that cares
Me, I here
But ain’t no one else here
Fuse is getting real short
Already lit
And I’m seeing it
Just dwindle away
So quickly
Like a brick wall
Just hit me
Into a reactive state
Catalyst ain’t too late
Sparking me into reality
Timer ticking away
Feel it slipping away
All my conscience that’s controlling me
Fading away into the natural me
Purely evil with selfish intent
Primal instinct is what I meant
Evil ego won’t let it go
Revenge is needed
For me to let it go
Forgiveness is ignorance
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So Warming
Sun piercing through
Reminding me of you
Glistening through the adversity
Shining and flowing capability
Struggling to articulate
The amount of love, it’s fate
Gentle sigh, so calming
Your spirit, so warming
Opened to the possibility
That sun shining for me
Like painters muse, not confused
Familiar lane, cannot complain
Evaporated bagged emotions
Shook without you, convulsions
Deep inhale, so relaxing
Your essence, so warming
Burning away the moisture of tears
Light shining on every fear
The nights concealment
Hiding mindless sentiment
The what ifs, the if buts, ands and huhs
Solace of uncertain pacts
Exhaling relief, so pleasing
Your aura, so warming
The mystery of night, or so it seems
Pleasure revealed encouraging your dreams
Pride amplified with each supportive word
Never forsake you, that’s my word
Bonded in friendship, anchored in truth
Strength unyielding, forged through pain
Gleaming excitement, so appeasing
Your presence, so warming.
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Eventuality
Seeing you lying there
Unwilling to accept reality
Life wasn’t intended to be fair
Endless cycle of the Earth’s core
Shuffling us endlessly
We all have one common
Eventuality
Hearing youth refer casually
Lack of Mr. , lack of Sir
First name commonality
Exiting life so freely
Narcotics and alcohol
Compounded routinely
Eventuality
The latest story
Heard it so clearly
Confronted on the block
Using loaned narcotics
Avoiding the crack commandments
Outcome predetermined
Eventuality
Owing large revenue
Nothing in hand
Nothing else to do
Archaic methods applied
Upon the torso and head
Ignoring whats next
Eventuality
Sobering moment
Knowing consent was given
No more life within
Holding to every promise lost
Grasping laugh of the past
Accepting reality
Eventuality
Recalling instances
When laughter filled me
Fueled off of your very energy
Cannot fathom what led you astray
Thought the love was sincere
If it was, you would still be here
Eventuality
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Expecting
Expecting an impossibility
That’s so far away from me
Thinking so briefly
That you love me
Expecting something small
After I gave it my all
But to you
My all is nothing at all
Expecting sincerity
Perpetuating uncertainty
Thinking I know your combination
No where near the revelation
Expecting just four lines of four
Would get me in the door
Once you understood
It’d be love for evermore
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Eternity
Eternity of vengeance
Lays beneath my skin
Absorbing every pain
Every situation I’m in
Gently gliding fluidly
Patiently feeling unity
Eternity of envy
Admiring possessive beings
building their happiness
Creatively framing this
Projecting different opportunities
Anxiety of empty dreams
Eternity of forgiveness
Voided understanding
Impossibility treating you differently
Imagining you didn’t damage
Awoke inner savage
Hardened into hatefulness
Eternity of kindness
Sweet summer breeze
Surf rising below your knees
Remembering the hatefulness
Accepting gracefulness
Rejecting the peace in this
Once or twice you can blame someone else,
But when it’s routine you gotta blame yourself.
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You Can Interrupt
You can interrupt my sleep
After I’ve been awake for 24 hours
I would still stay up
Talking to you
Until my final hour
Deeply listening
Every single word
Feeling it’s meaning
You explaining your day
Each opportunity
Each circumstance
And I know I’m blessed
Just having a chance
In your presence
Is my greatest peace
You can interrupt my day
In any given way
I will be right here
We can meet up anywhere
Even just to walk
Down to the ocean edge
Enjoying that subtle breeze
Caressing our intertwined hands
Hearing the waves
Approaching from foreign lands
The sky glowing just for us
Walking toward the setting sun
For some the day is ending
For us the day just begun
Just rejoicing on this day
You can interrupt my meetings
I’ll exclaim feverishly
There is some type of emergency
Even if the only emergency
Is you just need to talk to me
We talking about anything
Just random things
Ain’t even about the conversation
It’s the moods that we relate to
It’s the frequency
That got me into you
Just vibe on different sounds
Intently listening
Cause I know your meaning
Based on your sound
You can interrupt it all
Whether it’s a text or a call
Nothing else takes precedent
Aligned with your effervescence
So when you feeling it
I’m feeling it
So when you happy
I’m ecstatic
When you frustrated
I’m causing static
Encouraging every move you make
To me, You can make no mistake
So I just keep pushing you
Until I finally see
That smile just for me
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Moment
Existing in this moment
Lost for a moment
Forget every moment
That I loved for a moment
Slowly crying out this fear
So tired of this fear
Avoiding life in fear
Losing everything through fear
Understanding every time
That I wasted so much time
Remember counting each time
That I lost every time
Slowly see things differently
Shall I contemplate differently
Life hitting me differently
Resurrecting new beginnings differently
Existing in Earth’s moment
Breathing but a moment
Feeling every moment
Loved that moment
-
Without You
Lost
I’m lost
So lost today
Woke up
Realized
I chased you away
Heard what you needed
But I never changed a thing
I just kept complaining
When I couldn’t get my way
Now you’re gone
I’m in pain
At night, in the dark
I’m crying out your name
Can’t do it, without you
Losing my composure, without you
Can’t even breathe, without you
Sitting here waiting, lonely without you
What can I do, without you
What can I do, I need you
Contemplating
Thinking deeply
Every moment of the past
Fresh in my mind
Losing my mind
Like damn!
Was I out of my mind
Crazy things I would say
Selfishly, my own way
What was I thinking
Thought we would always be
Minutes feel like hours
Desperately
Wish I had you with me
Can’t do it, without you
Losing my composure, without you
Can’t even breathe, without you
Sitting here waiting, lonely without you
What can I do, without you
What can I do, I need you
Needing you
Calling you
Where’s my special ring
Cause I’m not hearing you
Sweetie hit that reply
Tell me that you hate me
Emoji me, that you done with me
Anything
Anything
Just need to know
You got any emotion
I realize myself
I’m sorry
I apologize
I recognize
Let me make it right
Can’t do it, without you
Losing my composure, without you
Can’t even breathe, without you
Sitting here waiting, lonely without you
What can I do, without you
What can I do, I need you
-
Death comes inevitably
And I’m running around
Crazily into the mystery
Pretending I can make
Something more of me
As if I can change
My family’s legacy
And I’m watching
Life on this earth
Embedded in her hearth
Struggling to see clearly
Looking through mirrors
Cannot even see me
And I’m just moving
So slowly That the world
It’s just spinning around me
Barely keeping up
Losing minutes
Lost time for me
And I’m thinking
Maybe this life
It ain’t for me
But I don’t need
To do a damn thing
Cause death comes inevitably
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Here For You
I don’t care what you do
But whatever you do
Just be consistent
Let me evolve to your consistency
And let us intertwine perpetually
I don’t care what you do
But whatever you do
Know that I’m consistently
Consistently here for you
Into ever word that comes out of you
Whether it’s text or said I engulf
Every single bit of it deep in my head
Holding onto to every syllable you utter
You words enter me smooth as butter
Cannot help but smile
Especially when we riding for miles
And I see your head bopping to the beat
Invaded by privacy as if you from those NY street
Even when I can’t see you I stay feeling you
Even riding past where we had those first dates
Builds up memories that will always last
And if I could paint this picture for you
Started with me staring at you
Mesmerized by the sight of you
I reach out for your hand
Intermingle every single digit
Cause I never want to miss this
We talking about everything
As if we thinking the same thing
It’s just a beautiful thing
Even when that same song come on
Together we still sing
Every single duet that comes on
I can feel this energy
Like the culmination of euphoria
It’s all in me, even from a reflection of ya
Closing my eyes won’t give it justice
Sometimes it’s the solace of silence
It provides the very best guidance
Showing me everything I need to see
And it always shows that you are with me
And it is just heaven sent
This feeling that is felt when you’re absent
And there is nothing more pleasing
And there is always a reason
Loving you in every season
Know that I’m consistently
Consistently here for you
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Waiting
Waiting on the steps
From the dawn of light
Anticipating the excitement
From last night
Plans was made
Times agreed
Made sure I was washed up
Eat up
Ready for anything
Dawn turned to day
Way before pagers and cell phones
Ringing the house
No one was home
Patiently waiting
Mom tryna convince me
It’s better to wait inside
So afraid to miss my ride
Just counted the cars go by
Day turned to evening
Friends coming back
Full day of sweating and playing
Asking if I’ll go for round 2
Nah, I said I was waiting for you
Continued to wait
Excitement in me
Every-time I saw
Car lights slow down momentarily
Evening gave way to night
Crickets starting
Lighting bugs now visible
Steps my anchor
Misery my crucible
Mom says you just called
That you apologize
You’ll make it up
First time I no longer gave a fuck
Night turned into a new day
Kept tryna to think
What did I do
Why didn’t you come get me
I was good all week
Got all my work done
You promised to be there
I didn’t know lying was acceptable
Maybe I was just gullible
New day turned into New Years
Same little promise
But now I know
As plain as I can see
Your words and actions
don’t mean the same thing
We was never the same
Always saw you differently
Never again wanted that pain
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Give You My Heart
If I could give you my heart
Not the four letters of a valentine
Or the fake sensation created over time
Deeply connected into the universe
Consecutively built from nothingness
Unselfishly living as the precedent.
If I could give you my heart
Irrelevant of your feelings in its essence
Combined with unbridled energy
Giving you everything from me
Imposing a confidence I can only feel
Creating a difference the ideal
If I could give you my heart
Each morning would be new
Embracing every beauty within you
Unshackled opportunity in view
Driving constantly, the break through
Shining in the darkest purview
If I could give you my heart
You’d feel every meaning of everything
Arms outstretched nothing missing
Elevating past idol levels
Gravitating into every joy
Transcending very sorrow
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Desperate attention
Yearning solitude
Pursuing anyone
Irrelevant person
Desperate attention
Selfish attitude
Invaded peace
Limited proximity
Desperate attention
Affiliated quiet
Grappling affection
Irresponsibly loving
Desperate attention
Sheltered anxiety
Intimate desires
Instantly gratified
Desperate attention
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Demons
Got so many demons
Of shit
About people leaving
And shit
When people stay around
I’m out the shit
Only thing I’m use to
Is being alone
So when the house is full
It don’t feel like home
Feeling alone
just being me
People in my life
Stay reaching out
And if I knew they’d stay
I would reach on out
Reality different for me
Keeping distance
Plain as you can see
Treat everyone
Based on the torture of the past
It’s how I’m built
This wall will last
Got me before
Ain’t happening no more
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Remember
Remember our first real talk
Grand illusions of the future
Talking like this and that would happen
Spent hours just rapping
Learning, creating and growing dreams
Saw those things every night in my sleep
For some reason it never become reality
Remember how we use to do everything
Didn’t matter just took one ring
Wherever you were it was like gravity
I just needed you next to me
We went on and on for months
Didn’t always have to talk
Loved you and me in the dark.
Remember that first time
Missing you so hard after that trip
Was so hard with that first kiss
Something happened and I knew
I never ever wanted to be without you
Everyday was something new
Just cause it was with you
Remember those crazy missions
It was like complete submission
Surprised we kept our occupations
Cause we were always together
There was nothing better than TV all day
Chinese for lunch and dinner
I’d do anything for you
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I can’t Do It
I can’t do it
Celebrating mediocrity
Holding onto this vain belief
I am expected to celebrate freedom
I am expected to ignore to cost
I dare not say how many lives it has cost
If I start to imagine this differently
It feels like, really deep in me
We are still paying a cost
Because I must celebrate
Each and every time
Someone with skin color like mine
Is ALLOWED to do something for the first time
I can’t do it
I see the Queens accomplishments
But historically we know
It doesn’t mean the door is really open
It doesn’t mean they let her all the way in
It means they opened it just enough
Just enough for her to squeak in
As soon as she was in
That door was shut
Lights turned onto the highest lumens
To pick apart every single fault
As she checked and double checked
Preventing any failure to be unchecked
I can’t do it
I know I am expected to
Be proud of that common phrase
From over a century ago
The first person to do X with this skin tone
The thing that is hard for me
That skin tone never stopped anyone’s ability
In reality they could always do what they did
The only thing lacking was opportunity
This weight that is really upon me
Is indirectly we are celebrating one simple fact
Celebrating a decision that someone somewhere
Decided to give this skin tone a chance
I can’t do it
I want to celebrate progress
I want to see life for what it is meant to be
The most honorable gentleman said
We should be judged by the content of our character
He was eluding to the sheer possibility
That the skin we wear doesn’t define anything
You could have a dark hue and win
You could have a light hue and always sun
The celebratory part is when no ones hue matters
And it doesn’t stop there
It’s when our thoughts are the only equity
How do we celebrate that victory?
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Love Matters
Love matters
On my selfish shit
Saying insensitive things
Telling me about your day
I’m telling you how it impacts me
Hear you getting frustrated
I cannot understand
Now you all silent
Give me another chance
Let me listen to what you have to say
Texting you, constantly, no response
Calling you, voicemail, don’t hear a thing
See you’re online, your status got that green thing
It’s been like 24 hours since we talked
First time it’s been so long
Since we first met
Not sure what to do next
Hoping in the car need to find you
Need to figure out what’s going on
You responding like this is the finale
Those words entered me
Constricted my heart
So much pain… hating myself intensely
Love matters
Days and days feel like that past me
But you told me
You needed silence
I could barely speak
Words lost in this mood
Couldn’t work
Couldn’t move
Then out of nowhere
Got that text
You still mad at me
Feeling some type of way
But you still accepted
My love is here to stay
I am here
Right here for you
Don’t you know
Whether it’s a second
Or a lifetime
I love you
Love matters
-
Peace God
Peace God
I’m not trying to interrupt
Just sharing some insight
Hopefully we can reconcile
Grant me just a while
If we both get this right
They’ll be less for us to disrupt
Reconciliation of God
Peace God
We are not the true enemy
This was all contrived intentionally
If you could spare me a minute
I can share why we are even in it
As long as we battle relentlessly
We can never be free
Understanding of God
Peace God
Slurs and innuendos aren’t the way
We were created purposely
Without any fear or disarray
But we’ve lost our way
It was really done subtly
We couldn’t keep the intruders at bay
Salvation of God
Peace God
They don’t deserve what you are saying
Surely they don’t warrant your reactions
I absolutely understand your perspective
But mirroring what we see is counterproductive
What we need is better actions
Laying proof without a shred of blaming
Mercy of God
Peace God
Let me approach you head on
I don’t need you imaging something is wrong
I embrace you because I love you
Not Every person is out to get you
We both tired of the same song
This is the beginning of a new dawn
Vengeance of God
-
Love Blinded Me
Sitting here and I’m reflecting
The days and nights I was dreading
The anticipation of pain
More than that physical pain
Keeping hope where none remains
Wanting life, like I imagined it to be
Yet here I am
Longing that fantasy
Love blinded me
Recalling days of the past
Using hindsight’s glasses
What I thought I saw
Wasn’t reality at all
That jumbled confusion
My pain, my illusion
it’s like waking up
Not Knowing who you are
It’s like the blindfold is gone
Not knowing how this will work
Have to admit my uncertainty
Seeing you for the first time
Love blinded me
Those future plans
Was never gonna come true
Made with someone I never knew
Elaborate strategies, strange feelings
Our relationship never grew
Now I see, too late to see
This sea of misery
So I persevere through excuses
Continue to rationalize nothingness
Paralyzed by embarrassment
Not willing to accept my own role
In this misguided fantasy
Instead of accepting it
I blame love instead
Love blinded me
-
Childhood Ways
Cannot explain this hole in me
I open up the old albums for 1983
The smile looked real and sincere
But I do not ever remember
that feeling being there
It was just me and her for the longest
You stepped on the scene
Knew straight away
You were the strongest
I thought life was real
When ya’ll got married
And I got your last name
First party I remembered
At the Cornucopia
Everyone so thrilled
Dancing endlessly
Staying with family
As ya’ll drove away
Remember running up the steps
Saw you laying on the floor
I was scared to death
Crazy part is, I was up to no good
Use to still your coins
Just rebelling because I could
Thought you were gone
Ambulance arrived
You kept saying you were fine
Everything suddenly collapsed in me
Read this letter
About how much you loved me
And how what is happening
Wasn’t about me
Just something that couldn’t be resolved
Those words they stung me
Wasn’t even a year since the ceremony
Really thought you adopted me
Couldn’t accept that you never left
Even got a house in walking distance
Still bear your last name
But it’s not the same
Trying to explain to the seeds
My father is not their grandfather
You are not my father
Their grandfather is not my father
And they looking at me like I’m insane
Promised God at that point
Before I was even two digits around the sun
I would never give that feeling to my son
It created this burden in me
Breaking through stereotypical curses
So many unresolved emotions
So embedded In my psyche
Just to release it
creates thousands verses
And I cannot to this day
Say I am healed from any of it
More like build up resilience
To all kinds of bullshit
Temper stays short and lit
Portray a light hearted laugh
Keep people real relax
But the gritted vengeance
Already considered how to end this
-
Frequency
All it takes is a second
And were disconnected
That energy just stops
Everything on mute
First I thought it was me
What happened to that frequency?
Tryna not be affected
Just know we’re disconnected
Looking at you like a shell
Physically you are there
Mentally just cannot see
Did we lose that frequency?
Looking in the mirror
Trying to find the change in me
Something I’m missing
Stuck in this misery
Lost in shear futility
I cannot feel our frequency.
Pronounced as radar
Sunshine or stormy weather
Always reconcile with each other
Discontent planted in fertile hearts
Nothing left but the agony
Missing our frequency.
Sy Bryant 