POWER
Just surging through
That’s me
Reaching back to you
Let me calm you
I know this pain
Hate it around you
POWER
In every word you speak
Let it flow out
Smooth and honestly
The truth was born in you
When I see you
I know it’s true
POWER
Believe in it
This emotion
Just accept it
Let go of every worry
Faithfully
Just feel me
POWER
It lives in you
Please let it out
Let it shine through
Let me be there
Sitting right with you
I love you
Unknowingly
Entered into a different state of mind
What if your words were true
And life would be worse
Knowing and loving you
And everything
And everybody
That I hold close to me
Wouldn’t even know me
Desperately grasping
At every possible timeline
Not sure which one is mine
Unknowingly
Gladly provide forgiveness
Speak though all the treachery
The reality knows me differently
Holding onto emptiness
Fostering hateful thoughts
Just to unleash them willingly
To any hateful human being
Transposing everything about you
Literally to them
There will be no remorse
Not even hesitation of thought
Unknowingly
Provide you control
It was amplified
By every single being
Promising beliefs I needed
Gullible the first time
Open minded to a cure
I know your name
But I will never say it
My seeds will never know you
Not having you abandoned them
Like I know you would do
Unknowingly
Persevering every opportunity
End the cycle of a father leaving
The men in my paternal lineage
Just did it so routinely
Dropping seeds quickly
Stay around long enough
Just in time to germinate
Never see the fruit of the labor
Never know if I’m really of you
I don’t even know you
Saying things that I do not mean
Cause I’m just tryna be mean
Speaking out relentlessly
If nothing else, helps me to be seen
Saying things just to say it
It’s the easiest way to get out of it
Talking endlessly about nothingness
Reflection of each part of my pettiness
Saying things out of frustration
Thinking about it causing hesitation
Not saying what’s really real
Just saying how I think I feel
Saying things in the moment
Hoping please pardons my movements
Knowing that things are suspicious
Remaining just as ambitious
Saying things so randomly
Almost got me caught cir·cum·spec·tive·ly
The impossibility evolved effortlessly
Recognizing life changes constantly
Saying things out of place
Lost in time and space
Thought way too deeply about this life
Accepting I’m not really about this life
Ever felt like everything you believed was a lie
It’s like you realize in hindsight
Nothing was real, not even reality.
Now the reality that you see ain’t what you expected it to be.
Ever thought what if I changed that one decision in my life.
It’s like you associate your entire existence to one moment in time.
But that time is long gone and so now all you try to do is hold on.
Ever believed there is something better in this world.
Something inspiring, something serene, something that makes this insane world livable.
Something to wake up for. There just has to be more.
Ever thought about the future. And realized everything in your future doesn’t exist in your present. Ever realize that you just created another fantasy instead of living today.
There is no feeling greater
Being in your corner
Whether the day is sunny
Or the weather is devastating
something special in this
Just trying to be there for you
If you need it, listening to you
During the storm, shelter for you
Anything I can do
Cause I’m excited for you
You telling me your dreams
I see them as reality
You sharing your thoughts
I already bought you everything
You low on energy
I’m picking you up for the get up
You feeling anxious
I’m loving you with patience
You just relaxing
I’m out of your way
Baby enjoy your day
Excited for you
Excited for you
Just to be there
Excited for you
Seeing your success
Excited for you
Whatever you need
I got you
Excited for you
Sitting here waiting for you
It’s your first interview
Dress to the Ts, shoes too
Gliding down the steps
It’s pure elegance
Cautiously optimistic
I believing you are ballistic
Everything prepared
Dressed for success
Nothing left
But to master this day.
The day is done
And I’m smiling brightly
Do you know
How proud you made me
Life giving you
The insurmountable
With all that God has giving you
You are more than able
Life flashing through
Day by day
Pushing each other along the way
Living vicariously through you
I’m So proud of the things you do
Living, loving, dreaming about you
I’m so excited for you.
Excited for you
Just to be there
Excited for you
Seeing your success
Excited for you
Whatever you need
I got you
Excited for you
Time gone.
And every time
the past comes to the present,
I can feel the present
being wasted again.
That past is cemented
in the deep caravans
of the earths core.
There is nothing
that can be done
with days long gone.
Time alone.
In the midst of time
it stands alone.
Unstoppable.
Unforgiving.
I just need a single moment
to allow the past pain to heal.
But you push me forward
as if my pain is irrelevant.
There is nothing
that can be done
with days long gone.
Time free.
Never once paid for you,
but you are constantly in my life.
Each day
I become more indebted
yet I never even asked for you.
I need freedom.
You’ve held me too long.
There is nothing
that can be done
with days long gone.
Time bound.
I cannot find peace.
You hold me so tightly
I cannot see my next step.
And I struggle
to even believe.
Why do you command
my life
so strongly.
Why cannot I
just be I.
There is nothing
that can be done
with days long gone.
I wish I could make you smile
Even for a small while
While you take a break
From this reality
And just enable you
To touch Peace
Feel the earth
With heavens grace
Wishing you the best
In every case
I wish all your dreams true
Beyond the fantasy of you
Truly true happiness in all you do
Showing the release
That pain holding you
Like I can see it grab you
And nothing I can do
Watching, listening, paralyzing
All this, just keep trying
I wish with God’s grace
You can see that place
That place created for you
God’s gift to you
Enjoying life, grateful, prayerful
Loving to breathe freshness of air
Living free, God isn’t fair
Painless life is not guaranteed
Its really the balance of things
Yet to be
I wish with all I hold dear
If I could whisper in your ear
I’d give this one thing to you
All the love I could fathom come true
Regardless of what we’ve been through
Striving to prove love for you
Manifested in friendship
Forged through faith
Do whatever it takes
So long a part of me, that now I find energy from misery.
It’s a daily affirmation making and checking the gates and walls keeping that hidden pain hidden.
Muscle memory is stronger, I can fight not much longer.
People impressed at the rudimentary shit I do cause they don’t know I’m never letting go.
Brick and mortar use to be torture as I had to modify techniques to remain unique,
so common enemies could go right past without a thought of the hidden vulture.
Death constantly looming,
watching my moves wondering why I spent so many hours protecting mental heirlooms.
Death didn’t know I’m never letting go.
People keep mentioning this place that’s free.
Speaking of earth like it’s really heaven if I could only see.
Each day that triumph and disaster I see completely changing destinies.
Wondering where is their fortress,
where is their shield how can they exist not knowing how to manage life’s unexpected tendencies.
What would they be if they really knew that I’m never letting go.
The past is the only teacher we have.
There is an illusion that there is good and bad.
The response to that which is gone is the changing fad.
A culture of social dictatorship enforcing how you must feel and what you must do.
But what if, the answer is just in you.
Picking and choosing what to include and exclude is not the solution, the mastery of managing the response is the revolution.
Letting Go.
You set my priorities
With just a desire
Planted in me
Unquenchable fire
Fueling it intensely
As if nothing else matters
As if I don’t have work to do
As if I don’t need to eat
As if I don’t need to sleep
It’s just to please you
Even if it only brings you
A single smile a day
I’d do it every day
You set my path
There is this deep longing
Filling this deep need
To remain connected
Mutual belonging
To a common thread
Interwoven into strength
Able to outlast the strongest steel
Only break is the exhale
Then back at it
Like I hit the bricks
Never going back
It’s all for this
You set my emotion
Equally responsive
Sensitive to each fluctuation
Bonded into subtle manipulation
Flexing repeatedly
Into a serene divinity
Happy and ecstatic
Sad and mad
Comfortable and relaxed
Amplifying everything you feel
It’s as if it is my own
As if you are home
So glad to be home
Sigh for a smile
Remembering when I
Would sigh out of frustration
As an emotional release
Opening the valve
Releasing it all
Emptying my cup
Vulnerabilities and all
Sigh for a smile
Recognizing every trouble
Each and every trial I’ve been through
The tribulations that weakened me
Somehow ended up
Strengthened me
Lavishing in all of it
Because I am all of it
Sigh for a smile
Remembering the many days
When I thought
There was no other way
Holding onto the past
Cause the present
Wasn’t what I planned
Now I see the real plan
Sigh for a smile
when I lay my head
Down to sleep
Everything I am
Is what you expected of me
Never relinquish peace
Or serenity
That alignment to destiny
Sigh for a smile
Shaking my head
In the amount of disbelief
Remembering those that fell
Acknowledging those enslaved
Calling out to the lost
And it’s just by chance
I am not the same
Sitting in the dark
Watching that little light burn
Power out
From that powerful storm
Exhausted
From the early start
But I got you stuck in my heart
Wind howls
Sounding like knocks on the door
Feeling the emptiness of you leaving to my core
Powerless
Too little too late
You had to depart
But I got you stuck in my heart
Wishing softly
Mind clear as the morning bright
Wanting to love you in this still night
Don’t know where you are
Where is my sweetheart
But I got you stuck in my heart
Silent stillness
Surrounding everything about me
Wishing for a moonlit beach
Feels so right to me
Longing for that perfect moment
Missing that beautiful art
But I got you stuck in my heart
Ride….. As far as possible.
There is no time or speed quest.
Just a feeling of emptiness.
Striving to have a mind clear of any premeditated thought.
Focused on spiritual oneness , aligning the mind to push the body past what it was taught.
Ride…..Far away.
Up a hill I know I cannot climb.
Chasing down the speeders staying right on their line.
Reaching eagerly for that point of exhaustion.
Pushing relentlessly until there is nothing left but the will to say hold on.
Ride…. Far into.
Into that bliss of nothingness where no one exist.
Just having hydrating liquids as my only salvation.
Feeling that physical pain.
Muscles tightening. All the while I get stronger and stronger.
There is nothing close to the spiritual awakening than challenging yourself beyond your own beliefs.
Ride …. Ride out of.
Out of the limits of world.
Into this community of individuals seeking the same euphoria of oneness with nothingness.
These voices keep telling me
That I need to believe
In something differently
But I don’t know what to do
These voices keep telling me
That I need to believe
In something differently
But I don’t know what to do
Without you
This highway so lonely
Vehicles flying right by me
Concentration lost me
Gentle rain consumes me
Guided blindly
Expecting something new
The answer so subtly
Yet I know what to do
Refusing to leave you
These voices keep telling me
That I need to believe
In something differently
But I don’t know what to do
These voices keep telling me
That I need to believe
In something differently
But I don’t know what to do
Without you
Slowly exiting the freeway
Don’t know which way
I should even go
Mind so convoluted
It’s what I’ve concluded
Green light blaring
Just not caring
Foot stuck on this brake
No more I can take
These voices keep telling me
that I need to believe
In something differently
But I don’t know what to do
These voices keep telling me
That I need to believe
In something differently
But I don’t know what to do
Without you
Finally seeing something
That’s looking kinda familiar
This place we use to go
Enjoying early evenings
Slow music flow
For some reason
Landed on me real slow
How long it’s been
Now we damn near at an end
These voices keep telling me
That I need to believe
In something differently
But I don’t know what to do
These voices keep telling me
That I need to believe
In something differently
But I don’t know what to do
Without you
Kept thinking
I could escape my past
Find a way to end the wrath
I thought the longer I lived
The more happiness I would have
And old painful things
Would fall away at last
Wanted to believe in pure things
That not everyone is an enemy
But had too many trusted faces
That I can no longer tell
Who is who
In the fell clutch if circumstance
No longer willing to take a chance
Kept thinking
Loss is only temporary
And eventually it is replaced
In some type of way
Replenishing what was missing
When protection is lost
A different person emerges
Wanted to believe in pure things
That this evil festering is temporary
Now we are so intertwined
I smile so you believe I’m fine
Ruthlessly divert conversations
Protecting everything left in me
Barely holding the vengeance within
Kept thinking
If I had that day again
If my God created protector
Was just there
But he never showed up
And never will again
Crushed into oblivion
Intently listening
Your voice so soothing
Swear to god it moves me
Got to admit
It improves me
You bent over
I could see that thong
Through your dress
I was done
Fuck the conversations
Where is the reconciliation
Telling me what you need
Let me be clear
I’m everything you described
To the last word
The whole damn year
It’s just a matter of time
Before it’s real
Just be patient
So we can make this real
Thoughts become real
You glad we’re friends
I hear that
Me happy In this friend zone
Picture that
I am absolutely friendly
But I can no longer pretend
That we are just friends
I love you
Can’t understand
Can’t you feel this
Everything about you
Get closer to you
Plotting to get you
Gotta Have you
Cause I love you
I love you
The bottomless pit
That envy
Consuming mortality
Focused externally
Believing
I’m not who I claim to be
Claiming another’s destiny
Plotting over time
Darkness will shine
Expecting insanity
Repeatedly executing
Repetitiously anticipation
As if a different outcome
Will finally come
Unchanged methodology
The answer, unequivocally
Cannot be me
Darkness will shine
Preparation for abundance
Creating repositories
Futuristic inventories
Organized scheming
Suit and tie conspiracies
Eliminated electronic trails
Buried evidence
Resurrected above the skyline
Darkness will shine
Deeply contemplating this
Post mortuary visits
Explaining all the details
Limitations of statutes
Impermeable to virtues
Accepting final peace
Disclosing missed mistakes
You never knew it was me
Darkness will shine
Filling voids. Feeling voids. Not trying to make you annoyed. Wanna make you feel complete. Need to make sure when you leave the house you got shined shoes on your feet. You are everything I need to make life work. But I still can see through your hurt. So I’m here, right now, to let you know, you ain’t alone no more….
I feel your void, and I’m here.
I’ll fill that void, when ya near
Don’t you worry… no, don’t do that anymore
I’ll be here for you forever more.
Filling time. Feeling time. Its just ticking away. It just ticks through everyday. Each day I feel closer, but the distance the same. Sometimes my heart feels the pain. Time doesn’t feel like it’s on my side, cause it has never put you by my side. So I’m here right now to let you know, you ain’t gotta worry no more…
I feel your void, and I’m here.
I’ll fill that void, when ya near
Don’t you worry… no, don’t do that anymore
I’ll be here for you forever more.
Filling space. Feeling space. Walking around my new place. Tryna tell you something right, I’m blessed, but I’m hurt cause I know I won’t see you tonight. Everything is right in its place, but I need you to come share this place. My heart is open, babe can’t you feel me… I want you right here next to me. So I’m here right now to let you know, you ain’t alone….
I feel your void, and I’m here.
I’ll fill that void, when ya near
Don’t you worry… no, don’t do that anymore
I’ll be here for you forever more.
Filling this. Feeling this. Let me let your feel this. I’m telling you, you about to be shook. Brazen coco I can get you hooked. You hesitating, but I’m ready. Seeing you in that purple teddy. We are made for this. Don’t be scared of this. This is that love that you’ve thought about. Let me fill every void, until you feel this void.
Recognized it quickly
Early on in childhood
Ninety houses on one street
I was one of the few
Where it was just
My mom and me
It was clearly recognized
Just a different energy
Things that
Were significant for us
The relationship was based on trust
The mom had to provide
Meaning I saw her sporadically
When she was home
She was tired
From all the sacrifices for me
She would absolutely be there
For all those trivial things
From the first house to the last
Families upon families
We enjoyed our youth profusely
Individually everyone had their issues
But when we were together
We had no issues
But everything was different for me
Because in our crew
I was the one that had the curfew
The individual with the single parent home
Most of the day no one was home
No one to even get peace from
Dude was never there
It was just the challenge
I’m the only one that says “dad”
But when I say it
It has no meaning
No one responds
The air swallows it up
No one gives a fuck
That’s when the promise started
I never wanted to be that dude
Eventually I started labeling others
Calling them dad because I had none
Camp counselors, teachers
Any man I gave a crown to
Always had men in my family
But they weren’t always around
And every man with the same belief
He’ll be okay eventually
He’s mom can do more than me
Signs were evident
something was wrong in me
But not those normal
Red flags you see
I wasn’t in jail
Went to every class
Did exceptionally well
Teachers viewed me well
Mom provided everything
Supporting both of us
But now that festering of pain
Always feels like it will erupt
So accustomed to this feeling
Dare not disturb the feeling
Just keep ignoring the signs
Let them pass with time
Too much transgressed, for things to be the same
I feel this pit of emotion when someone brings up your name. There was a time when that thin line was never close to hate…. Now the strife consumes my life. I need to be free
Loves initiation blinded me to everything that was real. Dealing in future memories of things never meant to be. Always unclear why the present was never aligned. All those plans we discussed, the dreams we outlined … now the days of ol are just old. I need to be free
Each time we go around the sun, we are never the same. Hundreds of days just being a slave to the winds of change. Seeing things through so many lenses, it’s never clear, too many distractions and fake heirs. I need to be free.
After the long haul. The enduring tick of time has me beat. The everlasting tock has me on my knees, praying for salvation from unrealistic realities of the nothing that will ever be. I need to be free.
Every day is a blessing and a curse
I remember every single thing
Literally like it was yesterday
Details and feelings
Visions and meaning
If you asked me
Very specifically
What I wore yesterday
I couldn’t answer you
Because everything of the past
Is not within my view
But I remember when
I felt every smile
I felt every annoyance
I felt every pain
I remember when
Every experience is a triumph and a disaster
It isn’t really clear what I’m after
The earth showing me the same thing
Day after day spinning in the same axis
Weather changes but everything is the same
Reliving life repeatedly
Wondering when that change
That new life
When will it happen for me
But I remember when
When every adult told me
Anything I wanted could be mine
I felt every pride
I felt every faith
I felt every deceit
I remember when
Every thought is life and death
Anticipating every possibility
Analyzing imagined life
As if life was actually occurring for me
Providing the illusion of ease
It’s more like I’ve already prepared
As if every option was possible
Already determined every next step
But I remember when
Life has more beauty
When defense wasn’t the best offense
Life used to be something to me
I felt every deadly sin
I felt every eternity
I felt every circumstance
I remember when
Every being is Life and Death
One assumes the other
Until one consumes the other
Regardless of magic
Irrespective of prayer or hope
The fate we all reach is equivalent
I remember when
Everything we wanted to believe
It all had to be permanent
Even when our own existence
It is just but a dream
The next generation was the truth
I felt every doubt
I felt every love
I felt God
I remember when
I mean
Look at all I have done
You stay on my ass
But won’t let me pass
And I am wondering
What is it?
What is it that you don’t like?
Every time I do anything
You scrunching up your face
Like I made a mistake
Just give me that credit
That shit I deserve
I don’t need another word
I mean
I see the shit you do
And I’m looking at it
Like, is that the best you can do
Maybe that’s why
You still in my business
Looking at what I’m doing
Instead of handling you business
What keeps you staring at me?
I would give you credit
If I could
But your shit looks awful
Doubt if I ever would
I mean
Is it jealousy
Do you have a burning desire
To be able to do
All the things that I can do
Is it that deadly sin
Thinking if you destroy me
You would be able to replace me
You are nothing like me
You standing there claiming
If you just had more time
I’m not wasted a dime of credit
You ain’t shit, I said it.
I mean
There are six more sins you could pursue
You keep on that pride shit
Mentally I’m aligned with charity
But you are beyond help
All of that gluttony
If you just had the courage
To humbly have a bit of faith
Maybe it would be possible
For that greed dwelling inside you
Maybe it could find a different place
I will give you credit for one thing
You are not anything I want to be
I don’t know how to express to you.
How powerful I feel with you.
Some days I just need you close.
You are everything that is beautiful.
Without that beauty.
This world is no fucking dark.
Sometimes I need to focus on love.
Versus objectives and deliverables.
I only have lovely days with you.
Just in case you didn’t know, I Love You.
Just in case I haven’t said it, I Thank You.
I remember every tear I caused.
From when I asked you that first question.
You said yes with a tear.
From when I asked for forgiveness.
You said yes with a tear.
Each day since I focus on you
I only have lovely days with you.
I intentionally avoid every moment.
Any opportunity to take you for granted.
Even in the midst of the world.
You are the heart of the world.
Breathing every bit of energy.
Filling my entire soul completely.
Thought about a moment without you.
Lost every perspective without you.
I only have lovely days with you.
Need your spirit close to me.
Even if I cannot see you.
I can somehow sense you.
This connection created in a Godly way
Strengthen in seeds we nurture every day.
Keeping faith on the worst days.
Celebrating the best days.
If only one wish could come true.
I only have lovely days with you.
It wasn’t until that day I knew
I fucked up
And the world reminded me
Momentarily
Paralyzed in hysteria
Seeing my baby girl
I needed to atone
For every single thing
I did wrong
Begging for forgiveness.
It wasn’t until I recognized
Every foul word
And even pleasant words
I would use them without meaning
Just to temporarily
Create a scenario
I always pretended
It was for a meaning
But mirrors only tell the truth
Begging for forgiveness.
It wasn’t until I looked
Into my own eyes
Yet I stood there surprised
Raised harshly so lovingly
Three women formed me
Although there was testosterone
Those genes never formed
Not a single positive thought
Only doing what I was taught
Begging for forgiveness.
It wasn’t until I heard
Don’t worry about it
It was ok
That I knew it wasn’t ok
Not a single one of them forgot
Each loving word
The illusion I created from nothingness
I was that knight in amour
That African prince
Begging for forgiveness.
It wasn’t until I remembered
The sins of the past will last
My seeds will be perpetuators and victims
From the previous seeds I planted
Yet I don’t know for certainty
If they have other siblings
Although I never tried to disappear
Before that time of the month
Indicating everything was clear
Begging for forgiveness.
It wasn’t until the world stood still
And I held my baby girl
I wanted so much to smile
Looking at what was mine
But I had to cry
Knowing what was mine
Each pain I caused
I pray your vengeance on me
Not this precious baby I see
Begging for forgiveness.
Feeling the pressure
Wanting something differently
That is what you are claiming
But you knew me from the beginning
Remember when
Every day had time for me
Every meal, you would always offer me
Every night, filled with peace and love
Everything I wanted
Nothing was off limits
You created this monster
This being
This inner sensation of expectation
Yeah I’m spoiled
But you set this expectation
The Expectation
It is like it always was
You know you ask for things
I purposely forget those things
You constantly trying to replace
That hierarchy that exist between us
You suggesting it’s your turn
As if you invested and invested
Now you are trying to claim the ROI
But I have to let you know
That’s not how this is going to go
Just because you spoil me
That has nothing to do with
How I treat you
I treat you
Like I always have
You come to me when you need a laugh
You come to me when you need an ear
You come to me when you fear
You come to me when the world is over
You come to me just to make me move over
You come to me just for a hi
You come to me just because
You come to me when you need a hug
I thought it was all you needed
I don’t want what you need
But apparently you want to be spoiled like me
Sometimes
Just sitting here
Just writing it all out
All the things I should say
Everything that I was suppose to say
Just end up here
Right here
Just to get it out
Sometimes
Emotion captures
Frustration turns into anger
Anger gets trapped into complacency
And just in that moment
Losing all my sanity
Differences eluding me
So I am stuck being me
Sometimes
Reminiscing about this
Missing something dismissed
Wondering about uncertainty’s privilege
Stipulation of inevitable changes
Waiting for the next evolution
Rotation of the earth
Endless revolutions
Sometimes
The stars see me
Looking a bit desperately
Endlessly striving toward possibilities
Lingering in this crazy mystery
Lord please bless me
Trying so hard
Please hear me
Forgiveness?
I heard about you
People stay talking about you
Telling me I need to meet you
Somehow I need to get to know you
They kept saying I need some time with you
Telling me how nice you are
Speaking as if we ever met
The world would be so different
The crazy part
They never tell me how you look
Only describing emotion intelligent things
As if those things have meaning
Expecting me to show a sign of softness
Forgiveness?
Forgiveness?
Let me tell you like this
I know how to treat people
And if you want to be
One of those people
Just know
I will tell you
Like I told them
Everything is everything
We can even pretend to be friends
But if you dare cross me in anyway
You better watch for what’s coming your way
I will cut you off with the quickness
Forgiveness?
Forgiveness?
You keep asking me these questions
Knowing you really don’t want to know the answer
I know I’m alone, but that doesn’t mean I’m lonely
It is absolutely intentional
Based on how people treat me
I know every time I see you
You looking at me because I’m solo
But at least if I am the only one here
I will already know
How everything is about to go
I’m telling you I am good
From sun up to sun down
I do not need you in my business
Forgiveness?
Forgiveness?
When the night becomes clear
That is the part that is anchored in fear
Would I be as strong as I claim to be
If everyone that did anything
I allowed to continually hurt me
How am I missing out on life?
You know how this thing go
You meet them
You trust them
They take you for granted
They take your last bit of trust
Now they look real different
That is why I am suspicious.
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness.
I get what you saying
Because I have yet to let go
From each and every hurt and pain
Right now
That is all I know
I know how to be hurt
I know how to manage pain
And now, somehow
I am creating the exact scenario
That I claim to be letting go
I am my worst enemy
Counting nights minutes
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness
I see you
I remember I saw you a while back
When I turned away
When they stabbed me in the back
I walked right past you
I just didn’t know it was you
I just thought as long as I keep this wall up
I would always be strong enough
Now this same wall grown so tall
I cannot see anything
Not a single joy or smile
Please accept my apology
Please forgive me.
Experiencing things Differently
As if different choices were made
Imaging the differences as reality
Now I’m stuck on this fantasy
What if’s. And If that’s….
None of it means a thing
In reality it’s not better or worse
It’s just a different path to the same thing
Going deep into the emotion of different things
Plotting out new courses with a different ring
The difference of this emotion is only
That I’m trying to make it different
Like trying to only carve out the best
Like this fantasy wont let me rest
Repeating my past with different decisions
Precisely laid out like an incision
It’s just a different way but the same pain
Looking at money differently
Don’t need different banks to exchange pennies
I am the hedge fund, creating wealth differently
Money watching money make money
Different life sure to be
That different life, different expenses surely
And in an instant still broke as could be
But at least I made the money differently
Pain is soothed by different thoughts
As if I weren’t in control the first time around
The different things I would have done
If and only if I knew what I know now
Same intelligence doesn’t lead to a different result
This is the life I have, I could start living or be lost
Focusing on where I am
versus where I thought I should be
The only difference, is the difference I am imagining.
It ain’t your brown eyes
Looking deep into mine
No that doesn’t draw me near
Your skin tone
Kissed by summers rays
Doesn’t bring me any closer to you
Something indescribable about you
Got me loving you
It Ain’t your fragrance
That perfume fills the room
Making me only think of you
Not the way you move
Everyone getting on your groove
Trying to figure it out
Even when I’m not with you
Got me loving you
It Ain’t your expertise
Of everything within your reach
Your command of people
Has them follow you endlessly
Not even your elegance
Upon your entrance
Everyone needing to see you
Got me loving you
It Ain’t your presence
Desirable essence
That savior faire
Everyone knows you here
Not anything I can tell you
No matter what it is
Just know one thing is true
Got me loving you
Prayed for rain,
Now I’m standing in mud
Really thought I knew what I wanted.
It was dry and barren.
Thought I just needed to be caring.
Confidently I knew the way
Now that rain drained my day.
Praying, for what I want
Praying, for what I need
Is praying the answer,
Or should I just wait patiently?
Prayed for strength,
Now I’ve lost my compassion
Really thought if I could just be stronger,
I could make it last much longer.
Tears.
Heartache.
Now it’s gone, but so too is the passion.
Now I can’t feel anything, just the weight of this strength.
Praying, for what I want.
Praying, for what I need.
Is praying the answer,
Or should I just wait patiently?
Prayed and prayed, but I’m still in need.
Got every single thing that I’ve prayed for, yet I’m empty.
Learn to accept and manage, instead praying for that greener grass.
It’s all just an illusion, and this too shall pass.
Praying, for what I want.
Praying, for what I need.
Is praying the answer,
Or should I just wait patiently?
Coming in late at night
Something
Just doesn’t feel right
Gut telling me
There’s something
I don’t wanna know
Asking you random questions
Hoping you come real slow
Nothing is wrong
Yeah, I heard what you said
But this feeling
Stays inside my head
Suspiciously I stare at you
Now you frustrated
You looking different
Can’t recognize that scent
Something just ain’t right
The way you coming home
Each and every night
Something just ain’t right
You can’t even look at me
What is it you expect of me
Tryna have this conversation with you
You avoiding every question
What did I do to you
Your avoidance is worrying
Got me thinking
That something is missing
Missing something obvious
Because your answers are dubious
What should I expect
When I feel the neglect
You losing my respect
Now you slowly
Looking uneasy
What is it
Oh, now you feel me
Feel me, leaving
Something just ain’t right
They way you coming home
Each and every night
Something just ain’t right
You can even look at me
What is it you expect of me
Listen to me
Loud and clearly
Never repeating this
So I hope you hear
I know you
Like I know me
And I know this feeling
When I’m uneasy
Whether you admit it or not
I know you doing something
That just ain’t right
Don’t care if you don’t come clean
My conscience ain’t feeling a thing
So keep the lie to yourself
And let me be by myself
Don’t need anyone else
Something just ain’t right
They way you coming home
Each and every night
Something just ain’t right
You can even look at me
What is it you expect of me
Faint memories
Devastated me
The fallacy of belief
Holding onto fiction
Artistically describing
Each and every interaction
Remembering Christmas morning
Thinking we were a family
Haunted memories
Seeing who made you
Each time I thought
Even for an instance
The other half of me
Finally wanted me
Just an illusion I created
Wanting family
Fake Memories
Created multi parent household
Lasted until I was 10 years old
Held me and allowed me to grow
Didn’t even know
Parents weren’t suppose to go
Slowly realized
The one sided family
Angered memories
Woke up realizing
Single parent household
Faults amplified
The rejection taken hold
Half of what made me
No longer wanted me
That’s my family
Ignored memories
Siblings visited
Far off and distant
Never an embrace
Barely a hello
Realized, for the first time
I was alone
Abandoned by family
I should be sleeping
But my mind won’t rest
Keep replaying today
Our conversation from today
Wondering how you feeling
How are you dealing
Cause some days
My heart hurts
When I know
The whole day will pass
And I won’t see that ass
I should be sleeping
But I still have stuff on my mind
Need to get this out
Truth please set me free
Please allow her to see
That I’m in love
With her love
Loving that love
That she gives relentlessly
Without judgement
Without cruelty
Purely love
Sweet destiny
I should be sleeping
But I need you to listen
I would give it all up
Every day
The most joyous day
The happiest week
The longest night
Milestone after milestone
I would give it all up
For a chance to rewind time
To tell you this from the beginning
To tell you you are the shit
And I fucked Up
And missed it.
I should be sleeping
But I’m here trying to live
But it’s different when
You have to fight to live
When you ain’t enjoying life
You are just a part of life
Incomplete, unfocused
Transverse time as if there is time
Awaiting the end, because the past passed
Seeing that parallel timeline
Plotting intricate plots
Plotting to jump to that line
That line where we are together
Talking shit
Blending shit
Rolling shit
Smoking shit
Sy Bryant 