Category: BlackLivesMatter
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The Fault
All this time
I knew we wasn’t friends
But I didn’t know we were enemies
Now that I know
There is nothing else there
Regret every laugh shared
Knowing comprehensively
The fault sits with me
Wasted so much time
Had me thinking we doing one thing
But saying something else
You worried about actions being completed
That isn’t currency with me
Trust and loyalty
They are the only meanings for me
The fault sits with me
All that time spent
Rethinking every single opportunity
Reliving each of those small things
It was all in deceit
The anger is beneath my feet
The possibility that I allowed
Shot down viciously
The fault sits with me
Can never get that time back
Not sure why or what
I just know that it is over
Never again be in that position
Never again put trust
When there’s no connection
Now I realize it
The fault sits with me
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Thankfully
Thankfully
I can just write and write
And let every emotion out
That is what peace is about
Emotion creating expectations
Expectations leads to disappointment
Thankfully
I can go from frowns to smiles
Years ago
That same thing
It would take hundreds of miles
Now peace comes with a smile
Thankfully
There is no serenity unity
Unless there is peace individually
Releasing the pleasure
Looking toward the future
Attention to the culture
Thankfully
The power of the pen
It helps me lean
All the way in
Getting everything
All the way out
Thankfully
Even with defeat
I see the deceit
Now that I see it
There is nothing left to it
But to release it
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Eternity
Eternity of vengeance
Lays beneath my skin
Absorbing every pain
Every situation I’m in
Gently gliding fluidly
Patiently feeling unity
Eternity of envy
Admiring possessive beings
building their happiness
Creatively framing this
Projecting different opportunities
Anxiety of empty dreams
Eternity of forgiveness
Voided understanding
Impossibility treating you differently
Imagining you didn’t damage
Awoke inner savage
Hardened into hatefulness
Eternity of kindness
Sweet summer breeze
Surf rising below your knees
Remembering the hatefulness
Accepting gracefulness
Rejecting the peace in this
Once or twice you can blame someone else,
But when it’s routine you gotta blame yourself.
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Demons
Got so many demons
Of shit
About people leaving
And shit
When people stay around
I’m out the shit
Only thing I’m use to
Is being alone
So when the house is full
It don’t feel like home
Feeling alone
just being me
People in my life
Stay reaching out
And if I knew they’d stay
I would reach on out
Reality different for me
Keeping distance
Plain as you can see
Treat everyone
Based on the torture of the past
It’s how I’m built
This wall will last
Got me before
Ain’t happening no more
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Peace God
Peace God
I’m not trying to interrupt
Just sharing some insight
Hopefully we can reconcile
Grant me just a while
If we both get this right
They’ll be less for us to disrupt
Reconciliation of God
Peace God
We are not the true enemy
This was all contrived intentionally
If you could spare me a minute
I can share why we are even in it
As long as we battle relentlessly
We can never be free
Understanding of God
Peace God
Slurs and innuendos aren’t the way
We were created purposely
Without any fear or disarray
But we’ve lost our way
It was really done subtly
We couldn’t keep the intruders at bay
Salvation of God
Peace God
They don’t deserve what you are saying
Surely they don’t warrant your reactions
I absolutely understand your perspective
But mirroring what we see is counterproductive
What we need is better actions
Laying proof without a shred of blaming
Mercy of God
Peace God
Let me approach you head on
I don’t need you imaging something is wrong
I embrace you because I love you
Not Every person is out to get you
We both tired of the same song
This is the beginning of a new dawn
Vengeance of God
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This Talisman
Speak the words
Like you know me
Remind me of who I am
Especially those solemn days
That anticipation of death
That keeps me lonely
Allow me to let go of everything
Except this Talisman
Recite it clearly
The words that are etched in
Their intent pure of innate ability
Suggesting momentarily
I am more than what I am feeling
I sigh in the deepest relief
Although I can recite the words
I am not whole without this Talisman
Meditating abruptly
Arms no longer reaching to the heavens
Strength lacking in every breath
Everyone amplifying you are now in heaven
Yet I’m left here wondering
Under the sounds of the thundering
Rain hiding my emotion
Losing faith in this Talisman
Listening to sounds never uttered
You are just stories
Past down to me hereditarily
And I am meant to believe fully
I dare not question not a single belief
Enduring every mental illness while you forever sleep
Praying for an eternity
Through this Talisman
Hearing moments of peace
Everyone else down on their knees
Reading the same words
That I am meant to believe
As if each word would restore you
As if words would resuscitate you
Contemplating living without you
Laying this Talisman next to you
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What’s Left of Me?
Disappointed in resentment
Unforeseen fulfillment
Understanding the resilience
Unequivocally connected to resistance
Progressing through darkness
Trudging past the loneliness
Creeping around uncertainty
What’s left of me?
Envisioning upward awakenings
Aggravated into unfamiliar feelings
Resurrection of derivative viewings
Starting to think something new
Initiating a different point of view
Second guessing it’s you
Unraveling this mystery
What’s left of me?
Invoking this opening scene
Believing in the unknown things
Prayerfully accepting the unseen
Earth shaking the life outta me
Waves changing how I breathe
Thrust of windfall controlling my fall
Appreciation for something I can see
What’s left for me?
Sun shinning 360
World spinning feverishly
If I could get off
Where would I be
Fear got a hold of me
Devastated remembering the past
Shattered in how long it’ll last
Lost in life definitely
What’s left for me?
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Unknowingly
Unknowingly
Entered into a different state of mind
What if your words were true
And life would be worse
Knowing and loving you
And everything
And everybody
That I hold close to me
Wouldn’t even know me
Desperately grasping
At every possible timeline
Not sure which one is mine
Unknowingly
Gladly provide forgiveness
Speak though all the treachery
The reality knows me differently
Holding onto emptiness
Fostering hateful thoughts
Just to unleash them willingly
To any hateful human being
Transposing everything about you
Literally to them
There will be no remorse
Not even hesitation of thought
Unknowingly
Provide you control
It was amplified
By every single being
Promising beliefs I needed
Gullible the first time
Open minded to a cure
I know your name
But I will never say it
My seeds will never know you
Not having you abandoned them
Like I know you would do
Unknowingly
Persevering every opportunity
End the cycle of a father leaving
The men in my paternal lineage
Just did it so routinely
Dropping seeds quickly
Stay around long enough
Just in time to germinate
Never see the fruit of the labor
Never know if I’m really of you
I don’t even know you
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Just Ride
Ride….. As far as possible.
There is no time or speed quest.
Just a feeling of emptiness.
Striving to have a mind clear of any premeditated thought.
Focused on spiritual oneness , aligning the mind to push the body past what it was taught.
Ride…..Far away.
Up a hill I know I cannot climb.
Chasing down the speeders staying right on their line.
Reaching eagerly for that point of exhaustion.
Pushing relentlessly until there is nothing left but the will to say hold on.
Ride…. Far into.
Into that bliss of nothingness where no one exist.
Just having hydrating liquids as my only salvation.
Feeling that physical pain.
Muscles tightening. All the while I get stronger and stronger.
There is nothing close to the spiritual awakening than challenging yourself beyond your own beliefs.
Ride …. Ride out of.
Out of the limits of world.
Into this community of individuals seeking the same euphoria of oneness with nothingness.
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Kept Thinking
Kept thinking
I could escape my past
Find a way to end the wrath
I thought the longer I lived
The more happiness I would have
And old painful things
Would fall away at last
Wanted to believe in pure things
That not everyone is an enemy
But had too many trusted faces
That I can no longer tell
Who is who
In the fell clutch if circumstance
No longer willing to take a chance
Kept thinking
Loss is only temporary
And eventually it is replaced
In some type of way
Replenishing what was missing
When protection is lost
A different person emerges
Wanted to believe in pure things
That this evil festering is temporary
Now we are so intertwined
I smile so you believe I’m fine
Ruthlessly divert conversations
Protecting everything left in me
Barely holding the vengeance within
Kept thinking
If I had that day again
If my God created protector
Was just there
But he never showed up
And never will again
Crushed into oblivion
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Darkness Will Shine
The bottomless pit
That envy
Consuming mortality
Focused externally
Believing
I’m not who I claim to be
Claiming another’s destiny
Plotting over time
Darkness will shine
Expecting insanity
Repeatedly executing
Repetitiously anticipation
As if a different outcome
Will finally come
Unchanged methodology
The answer, unequivocally
Cannot be me
Darkness will shine
Preparation for abundance
Creating repositories
Futuristic inventories
Organized scheming
Suit and tie conspiracies
Eliminated electronic trails
Buried evidence
Resurrected above the skyline
Darkness will shine
Deeply contemplating this
Post mortuary visits
Explaining all the details
Limitations of statutes
Impermeable to virtues
Accepting final peace
Disclosing missed mistakes
You never knew it was me
Darkness will shine
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Bastard Life
Recognized it quickly
Early on in childhood
Ninety houses on one street
I was one of the few
Where it was just
My mom and me
It was clearly recognized
Just a different energy
Things that
Were significant for us
The relationship was based on trust
The mom had to provide
Meaning I saw her sporadically
When she was home
She was tired
From all the sacrifices for me
She would absolutely be there
For all those trivial things
From the first house to the last
Families upon families
We enjoyed our youth profusely
Individually everyone had their issues
But when we were together
We had no issues
But everything was different for me
Because in our crew
I was the one that had the curfew
The individual with the single parent home
Most of the day no one was home
No one to even get peace from
Dude was never there
It was just the challenge
I’m the only one that says “dad”
But when I say it
It has no meaning
No one responds
The air swallows it up
No one gives a fuck
That’s when the promise started
I never wanted to be that dude
Eventually I started labeling others
Calling them dad because I had none
Camp counselors, teachers
Any man I gave a crown to
Always had men in my family
But they weren’t always around
And every man with the same belief
He’ll be okay eventually
He’s mom can do more than me
Signs were evident
something was wrong in me
But not those normal
Red flags you see
I wasn’t in jail
Went to every class
Did exceptionally well
Teachers viewed me well
Mom provided everything
Supporting both of us
But now that festering of pain
Always feels like it will erupt
So accustomed to this feeling
Dare not disturb the feeling
Just keep ignoring the signs
Let them pass with time
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Sometimes
Sometimes
Just sitting here
Just writing it all out
All the things I should say
Everything that I was suppose to say
Just end up here
Right here
Just to get it out
Sometimes
Emotion captures
Frustration turns into anger
Anger gets trapped into complacency
And just in that moment
Losing all my sanity
Differences eluding me
So I am stuck being me
Sometimes
Reminiscing about this
Missing something dismissed
Wondering about uncertainty’s privilege
Stipulation of inevitable changes
Waiting for the next evolution
Rotation of the earth
Endless revolutions
Sometimes
The stars see me
Looking a bit desperately
Endlessly striving toward possibilities
Lingering in this crazy mystery
Lord please bless me
Trying so hard
Please hear me
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Forgiveness
Forgiveness?
I heard about you
People stay talking about you
Telling me I need to meet you
Somehow I need to get to know you
They kept saying I need some time with you
Telling me how nice you are
Speaking as if we ever met
The world would be so different
The crazy part
They never tell me how you look
Only describing emotion intelligent things
As if those things have meaning
Expecting me to show a sign of softness
Forgiveness?
Forgiveness?
Let me tell you like this
I know how to treat people
And if you want to be
One of those people
Just know
I will tell you
Like I told them
Everything is everything
We can even pretend to be friends
But if you dare cross me in anyway
You better watch for what’s coming your way
I will cut you off with the quickness
Forgiveness?
Forgiveness?
You keep asking me these questions
Knowing you really don’t want to know the answer
I know I’m alone, but that doesn’t mean I’m lonely
It is absolutely intentional
Based on how people treat me
I know every time I see you
You looking at me because I’m solo
But at least if I am the only one here
I will already know
How everything is about to go
I’m telling you I am good
From sun up to sun down
I do not need you in my business
Forgiveness?
Forgiveness?
When the night becomes clear
That is the part that is anchored in fear
Would I be as strong as I claim to be
If everyone that did anything
I allowed to continually hurt me
How am I missing out on life?
You know how this thing go
You meet them
You trust them
They take you for granted
They take your last bit of trust
Now they look real different
That is why I am suspicious.
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness.
I get what you saying
Because I have yet to let go
From each and every hurt and pain
Right now
That is all I know
I know how to be hurt
I know how to manage pain
And now, somehow
I am creating the exact scenario
That I claim to be letting go
I am my worst enemy
Counting nights minutes
Forgiveness.
Forgiveness
I see you
I remember I saw you a while back
When I turned away
When they stabbed me in the back
I walked right past you
I just didn’t know it was you
I just thought as long as I keep this wall up
I would always be strong enough
Now this same wall grown so tall
I cannot see anything
Not a single joy or smile
Please accept my apology
Please forgive me.
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Just Different
Experiencing things Differently
As if different choices were made
Imaging the differences as reality
Now I’m stuck on this fantasy
What if’s. And If that’s….
None of it means a thing
In reality it’s not better or worse
It’s just a different path to the same thing
Going deep into the emotion of different things
Plotting out new courses with a different ring
The difference of this emotion is only
That I’m trying to make it different
Like trying to only carve out the best
Like this fantasy wont let me rest
Repeating my past with different decisions
Precisely laid out like an incision
It’s just a different way but the same pain
Looking at money differently
Don’t need different banks to exchange pennies
I am the hedge fund, creating wealth differently
Money watching money make money
Different life sure to be
That different life, different expenses surely
And in an instant still broke as could be
But at least I made the money differently
Pain is soothed by different thoughts
As if I weren’t in control the first time around
The different things I would have done
If and only if I knew what I know now
Same intelligence doesn’t lead to a different result
This is the life I have, I could start living or be lost
Focusing on where I am
versus where I thought I should be
The only difference, is the difference I am imagining.
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If Only….
If only we were strong enough
As a collective
Not to view professional sports
As the golden ticket
To somehow believe
We are more than our physicality
We could literally create
More than we have already invented
We could absolutely lead
Further than we ever have managed
If only we saw the Negro League
As a point of strength
Not a means to an end
Although we were winning
We claimed it as a failure
As those that are unlike us
Didn’t accept our win
And I just don’t know when
When we will see ourselves
As the victories that we are
Surpassing mediocrity
Elevating from slavery
Yet, are we free?
If only we could see the beauty
Seeing females as if they are princesses and queens
Seeing men as if they are princes and kings
Creating a new narrative
Where celebrating the first
To do something
In someone else’s culture
Is no longer seen as a monumental thing
Where our boundaries and breakthroughs
Are only self defined
Where I don’t need to prove shit to no one
That could care less about me
And I don’t need to trumpet
That I am as good as someone else
I can literally just be myself
If only we could plant new seeds
Nurtured with a new energy
No longer naming this new being
Based on old things
If slavery was such a bad thing
Why do we hold onto to any of it?
The names, the celebrations
Or even the religions
That were only allowed
To ensure we remained a human plow
It wasn’t the relinquishing
Of prison gates that granted freedom
We were simply told we were allowed to go
Up until that point we mentally
Weren’t allowed to go
And still to this day
That very minimal energy
Never balanced the scales
So it’s surprising me
When people say they are free
If only we knew the cost of freedom
Do we give our life?
So that the next life will be free
Do we sacrifice our culture?
Creating it into an economy
So that the next generation
Will have less pressure to fit in
Do we call out the ignorance?
And beg for people
To look at us different
Do we take up arms?
And beg for people
To treat us different
Do we realize
That we aren’t even the root of the issue
Do we continue to ignore
The issues rooted in the formation of this place
It is not anything we can do or not do
There is this every present belief
That the revolt that never happened
Against those of European descent
Will one day happen
Against those of European descent
I have to just tell you
No one wants it to happen
Except those of European descent
If only everyone loved unconditionally…
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Counting Up Missed Opportunities
Counting up missed opportunities
Somehow they didn’t become dear to me
When you were here
Life was forever
So there was always another opportunity
Then the life I was expecting
Didn’t become reality
And all those words
Each thought
Every dream
Just turned into a fantasy
Counting up missed opportunities
Reflecting on personal interactions
As if they were just simple transactions
Debits and credits constantly
Managing self fulfilling accounts
Never took into account
That one day the coffers would be empty
Hearing the words didn’t scare me
Just left me empty
They said you were gone
But no one said what was wrong
Counting up missed opportunities
Convincing myself
Everything happens for a reason
Telling myself
God doesn’t make mistakes
Looking in the mirror
Hoping to see strength
Instead of this reality
I absolutely want to avoid the ceremony
I think it’s called paying our last respects
Instead I turned off everything I had left
Counting up missed opportunity
Admitting each mistake I’ve made
Making vain promises
That I will never be in this situation again
Promising to tell everyone I love them
Promising to make time while they are here
Promising that nothing material will interfere
Promising that this pain will end
Yet I stand over this casket
Tears breaking through
Realizing every one of my sins
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Subtle Breeze
Staring into this subtle breeze
Continuous cloud blocking the burning sun
Endless sand finally touching my homeland
Left to wonder, and understand this new summer
This new summer showing me the past
Encapsulating every bias I have
Serenity can only be leased
Why must I have this break in peace?
This break in peace
Pounds a deafening frequency
Wanting to believe in something
Not destined for me
For me the world is too much
Staggered in analysis causing paralysis
Yet I will claim
It’s all in Christ’s name
In Christ’s name I pray
If I were a strong as he
Then I would know what this life really means
Selfishly believing in a feeling I’ll never know
I’ll never know what it means
To sacrifice your own life
For someone you don’t even know
Somehow finding an existence in everything I hold dear
Everything I hold dear
Held in the chasm of my mind
Holding every doubt with ease
Staring into the subtle breeze
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Democracy
Within its thrills of DEMOCRACY
I think I see more than what
I’m supposed to see
Things are fair and just
Because that’s what you’re meant to see
But in the midst of the struggle
Poor will fight poor
To maintain the wealthy
The wealthy elite
That’s who the stars represent
The stripes for everyone else’s
Pain and punishment
It’s gotten so irate
That the Lords and the Saxons
Argue about unending debates
Gross neglect is DEMOCRACY’S fate
You just have to stop and think
What’s the purpose of this DEMOCRACY
For all the times that it existed
Mass murders were a common existence
King’s fought side by side with their armies
No one was above peace and harmony
Then realization manifested into reality
An elitist dying from war would never be reality
War has always existed
It is a animalistic condition
To have everything you can possible hold
No one wants to really share
Until they are past tense and old
So we continue propagating this myth
That we are free
And it’s due to DEMOCRACY
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Lost So Much
Lost so much, but still have everything
Only possible loses are material things
Remember seeing people transition
The mystery is revealed in everything
King Bryant proclaimed with thunderous sound
As long as you say my name I live.
So now I say it everyday
Accepting he is still with me
Recognizing I was mourning
Future memories I didn’t even see
Lost so much, but still have everything
Only possible loses are material things
Growing up with that key round neck
That shit wasn’t easy for me
Big as I was, not even two digits yet
Walking past all kinds of mess
Nothing to do at home but create fantasy
Realized I wasn’t lonely, just was being me
But I damn sure guaranteed
My seed wouldn’t go that way
Lost so much, but still have everything
Only possible loses are material things
Grew up with so much
I was giving it away
Thinking these little trinkets were in the way
There was a whole world to see
But I was so busy enjoying being me
Meeting social expectations
I ventured out, found out what the world was about
Saw I wasn’t missing a thing, but me
Lost so much, but still have everything
Only possible loses are material things
seeing pain from different points of view
From nicotine, from alcohol, sex, narcotics
From fixing cars, fixing the yard, painting new paint
People doing anything to avoid what life brings
I saw a bunch of people out in this world
Trying to find that solitude that I released
Laughing at the the psychology of my disbelief
We are all missing the opportunity to be me
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Prayer Was Revealed
Maybe if you understood where I’m coming from
You’d understand what I’m talking about
Every prayer I prayed was revealed
From little things
Material things
Even women
And shiny things
Every single prayer
Didn’t matter how rare
Maybe if you understood where I’m coming from
You’d understand what I’m talking about
Praying is a powerful commitment
Aligning your frequency
To your uppermost limit
Self proclaimed gurus
Claim to have figured it out
But it ain’t none of that
It’s just what God is about
Maybe if you understood where I’m coming from
You’d understand what I’m talking about
No matter what I prayed
I got more than what I asked for
Whenever I prayed for a dollar
There was more than a federal tax
Because after paper start coming
You can never relax
More and more is all you can pray for
Maybe if you understood where I’m coming from
You’d understand what I’m talking about
Then through some act of destiny
I accepted what prayer is meant to be
It isn’t for any specific thing
But showing gratitude for everything
Permitting your mind to let go of this earth
Align with Gods will and all its worth
All the prayer you need is to appreciate what God needs.
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The Future
I can see into the future
There are no mics to drop
Nothing spectacular to convey
The first lesson you shall learn
You will not see everyday
I can see into the future
Disasters are really triumphs
They bring life out of death
Emphasizing what is left
Yet we only see the theft
I can see into the future
The earth spinning on its axis
Multitude avoiding taxes
Ignoring the humanity of community
While wondering, is it me?
I can see into the future
The dawn of each day
With every setting sun
Someone leaves this place
Before their work has begun
I can see into the future
Dare not share this thought
Freedom is not free
Created from destruction
Ignored in selfish possibility
I can see into the future
The caste is set in stone
Reminisce of illegitimate wealth
Creating limitations
That only apply to someone else
I can see into the future
The image of Heaven stands
The North Star of every land
Keeping mischievous beings in check
Preventing the evolution of what’s next
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I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to do
Everything was happening
And the happenings
That just kept happening
And no one knew what to do
They thought isolation
Would somehow help us
And now I’m left wondering
Because you are not here
Instead of staying away
Thinking I was keeping you safe
Should I have stayed closer
To keep you safe
Now there is nothing left
Just those memories
cherishing every moment
That we had
Trying my hardest
Yet I’m still sad.
I don’t know what to do
It all happened so fast
We just spoke last week
You were a little tired
But you could still speak
Then calls were unanswered
There were no more social media post
It felt like the world went silent
Calling around to everyone
Yet no one heard from you
The nurse said it wasn’t going well
There was this eery feeling
Wondering without information
Stuck second guessing
Each piece of sporadic information
The ventilator was working well
That’s what we were told
Nothing to worry about
Everything would be O.K.
You weren’t that old
I don’t know what to do
The hospital called
We still cannot see you
Not even to say our final goodbye
I pray to God that this isn’t true
What prayer do I need to pray
What else can I possibly do
There is so much life left
Cannot fathom it’ll be without you
I’m lost in this moment
Begging for another moment
Heart levied with anguish
Not knowing what to do next
Everyone is calling everyone else
How do we move forward
Recognizing there will be no closure
The tears flowed swiftly
Lost every sense of composer
When they finally told me
Your life was over
I don’t know what to do
Standing here in the open air
Finding comfort in memories
Sharing tears openly
Writing your name clearly
Speaking your name loudly
Celebrating every day
As if you are still here with me
Closing my eyes
Just for a moment of peace
Forever more
I will eternally say your name
Smiling momentarily
Believing holistically
There is life after this world
We will be reunited eventually
Holding each day from now til then
Burying your earthly shell
Hoping that somehow
You will live through me
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Trying to Write it Out
If I could write out everything,
Maybe it would be something new to sing.
The stories of the past weigh on me.
Never found anyone to share with me.
Everyone wants me to solve their problems,
But what do I do about my problems.
Trying to write it out.
The pain.
Lost dreams.
Unfulfilled hope.
Small things.
Embarrassed for you to know,
Everything I do is not in control.
A lot of gut reactions,
Just so happens to turn out right for someone else.
But for me, the gut reactions don’t work.
Just endure day to day.
Trying to write it out.
The pain.
Lost dreams.
Unfulfilled hope.
Small things.
Never had a good day in my life.
Moments of smiles since I was a child.
People promising fake beliefs,
The disappointment turned me really mean.
Now I cannot believe what people say.
People just say shit to get you out the way.
Trying to write it out.
The pain.
Lost dreams.
Unfulfilled hope.
Small things.
Cannot spend my whole life in complaints.
So I just keep the train moving,
Pretending day to day.
Making people believe everything is O.K..
Then I noticed ,
People just accept what they want to believe.
And what’s really going on will remain unseen.
Trying to write it out.
The pain.
Lost dreams.
Unfulfilled hope.
Small things.
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Just Writing
Just Writing
Putting words down
Nothing else works
Only way to get these words out
Let these feelings feel the air
Get these feelings out of my nonexistent hair
Getting word indigestion
Pepto Bismal ain’t working
Gotta make these words start working
If I keep them in any longer
Festering may make them stronger
Then my outward action
Would reflect my inward frustration
Just Writing
The endless feeling of WTF in my space
Needing peace.
Not in these streets.
In my soul
Got me feeling real real old.
Starting out I grew up spoiled
Far from rough and rugged
More like educationally stimulated
I never waited for anything I wanted in life
My attitude is Atomic for the rest of my life
Fuck 0-100.
I’m at 100.
Stay at 100.
Live at 100
Why would I ever stop this flow
Just Writing
Ain’t no reason to regret where I go
Everything I do
Everything I see
Something new to learn
Something more I can be
I specifically focus on the better me
Trying to catch that dude
No matter where he may be
I’m not looking
I’m on the hunt.
Stalking the future me…
Just Writing
I’m hungry
I need more than what I was supposed to be
If I had more energy my body would levitate
Don’t need to live forever
I need to be forever
I meed my children’s kids’ great great Grand children
To hear my voice at critical points in their life
Need them to know
I’ll never know them
But I’ll love them with my whole life
The pain and tragedy of my current life
More like seeds being planted
More like the deep darkness of the earth’s riches.
Just Writing
Struggling to breathe
But surrounded by nutrients that build me up
Absorbing all these different things
Just to make me appear tough
If you think talking to me about big shit
That will somehow make me
Stop working on my own shit
You couldn’t influence me with trillions in riches
I’m not him.
The soul I have is not for sale
You can’t burn me with them bum bitches.
I’m only loyal to what I know is real.
Just Writing
Either you here for me.
Or you not.
Ain’t no in-between.
Ain’t no.
Maybe later.
Ain’t nothing else besides we rocking till the last breath.
If those ain’t your words.
I don’t fuck with you.
Just Writing
Nothing new going on in my head.
Just getting out this old shit
Can’t take it with me when I’m dead.
There is something for real
About that glass being half full.
You can only get about one half more
Before you are really full.
So I’m going for empty
Dumping it all out
On steps and i’m a slinky.
Dumping it all out
Whether you are with me
And even if you are against me
All this potential energy
It stays fucking up my synergy
So today converting it kinetically
Into something that has longevity.
Talking but I ain’t talking about shit.
Just purging out last year so this year will fit.
Just Writing
I’m on some delete all that bullshit.
SELECT * and deleted that shit.
That recycle bin just wants me
To keep hold of the old me
Trying to convince me
That the old can become new
But I’m telling you
What matters can be destroyed
And something new is created
Every single time I make some noise
A new opportunity can materialize
But I don’t get hypnotized.
It’s just one of the many things that I do really really well.
If you cannot tell I can even write well.
Just Writing
Wake up wondering
Wondering around waiting
Looking in the past with my hourglass
Counting each drop of sand in my hand
Remembering each grain
In the sand of time
Now it’s my time
The right time
Creating sands of time
No need to flip it over
I’ve got more coming
I make my own sand
Even while I’m wasting
That last bit of sand
From the sand man.
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Alone For So Long
Surrounded by breathing things and 100 things to do. everything strange, no one is real. In my own space, thoughts here, serene emptiness.
Alone for So long.
Spinning endlessly around this sun, thinking about the first day I saw my son. Planting new seeds with old pain each generation thrown to death.
Alone for So long.
Systemically enslaved. Mentally starving for the potential I so eloquently locked away. Wanting that Cosby Show life, deep rooted emotional pain.
Alone for So long.
Socially inept. Leading or a shadow stuck between. No interest in just being seen. I don’t know society. Don’t know people. I know alone.
Alone for So long.
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Chasing
Chasing, endlessly pursuing
Wanting elusive things aloft beings
Experiences unmet
Energy spent wanting
Chasing, constantly waiting
Hoping for a different outcome
Feelings damaged
Faith diminished
Chasing, patiently seeing
Living a tumultuous fantasy
Life wasting
Laugh gone
Chasing, new reality
Looking, new paths revealed
Patiently waiting
Pleasing satisfaction
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Anyone … Besides Me
Keep looking around
Waiting on someone else
Need someone to step up
Can’t depend on anyone else
All these problems we facing
Where are the leaders
Where are the entertainers
Need someone to do something
Anyone…
Besides me
Keep looking around
Looking in disbelief
Especially riding through Philly
Old school barely a school
Even had a jail at the school
Reaching out to administration
Demanding explanations
They need someone to change this
Anyone…
Besides me
Keep looking around
Seeing the same problems
They the same they’ve always been
Derivatives of slave masters’ sins
Even with education and intellect
Still have their name
On my seeds neck
Someone must stand up
Anyone…
Besides me
Keep looking around
Wondering what this is about
Nothing is changed
It’s all the same with a different name
Watching the cycle like a re-run
Knowing if it gets too out of hand
Lil ol’ shotty bouncing on a man
This is just too much, someone help us
Anyone….
Besides me
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Would You Still Believe?
Would you still believe
Just for a moment in time
If we could join in mind
At an impossible perspective
If things weren’t considered
So sacrilegious
What if it weren’t true
Would you change what you do?
Would you still believe
If although blood fall to the ground
If that torture rack didn’t end that life
If there were no EKGs to verify a thing
As soon as the crowd dispersed
Released those nails in victory
What if you can live after that
Would you change what you do?
Would you still believe
If at that time people were buried alive
And the reason for not “burying” is that
Breath still breathes under blood and grief
And that security wasn’t like today
No one really monitored the same way
What if it were already opened and victory escaped
Would you change what you do?
Would you still believe
If you knew he knew it too
And he would have to endure punishment
Endlessly and have faith to see it through
Lash, after lash, no man hath endured
Expecting salvation for generations yet to come
What if it were you
What it change what you do?
Would you still believe
If what hides in mystery
An entire city was built
To protect a single belief
That a person can transcend yet live eternally
Worship continually under an exaggerated belief
What if there was another way
What it change what you do?
Would you still believe
After seeing all the years past
Witnessed his name used out of context
To murder, ridicule, and prevent evolution
Slowing down the human progress
For a tithe, a prayer or less
What if you could speak to God directly
What it change what you do?
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People Dying Everyday
People dying everyday
Immune to it
The tune of it
X numbered died
In a fiery blaze
Rescuers prevented access
Too strong of a blaze
It is nothing
Not any emotion
Human or celebrity
Never bothered me
In any way
Until this dayPeople dying everyday
I’m watching it happen
Bored with murder
As if I was napping
Experiencing it from a distant
Every so often
It’s something reminiscent
That person so close to me
We created a memory
And when it hits you
That last memory
That’s all you got
Slowly realizing
With every breath of pain
Not another moment of time
No need to say what’s up
Time is upPeople dying everyday
It’s the only guarantee of life
For every breath that breathes
Eventually, they will stop
Struggling to rationalize
Why is this one new
Didn’t even know you
Only heard of you
Friend of a friends friends friend
Six degrees removed
Only noticed through the news
Something wasn’t right
Just need another chance
If you could just reverse this
Please answer this prayer
That somehow
For my own children
I’ll always be there
Sy Bryant 