Sy Bryant

Tag: blackauthor

  • When Pens Speak

    When Pens Speak

    I lost you

    I mean I lost me

    What I am trying to say

    Is there are times

    When I can barely speak

    When the world is yelling

    There are people demanding

    My only respite

    When Pens Speak

    When Pens Speak

    No thought is hidden

    Emptying my mind

    Every drop of ink sublime

    Even when I artificial create beauty

    And I am left typing

    Every word holding onto me

    Loosen me to be at peace

    It’s like I lose track of time

    Because there is something I cannot describe

    But if you let me just try

    I am holding this plastic cylinder

    Just one thumb pressing down

    And I am immediately transcended

    And now I am trying to articulate words

    Some that I barely know

    But it helps with the flow

    When Pens Speak

    When Pens Speak

    Its always an easy evening

    Even if I am out of every bit of energy

    The alarm doesn’t need to call upon me

    It is that law of attraction that brings me in

    I know my pen is not enough

    I become a fiend for that energy

    To hear those words that can only be spoken

    Reading it would not do it justice

    When Pens Speak

  • Focus

    Before focusing on ourself

    Consider what we are projecting

    That our unique ability

    Indicates we are the very best

    Even when there is so much left

    What if true success

    Was letting it all go

    To align spiritually and mentally

    With every other human being

    We focus on the youth

    Desperately wanting them to be the truth

    Ignoring every lie we told

    Somehow expecting more of them

    As if we were not once that old

    Trying to redirect humanity

    Creating a self belief

    That there is real opportunity for peace

    Unwilling to release any device of war

    Remaining focused on desire

    Something that burning desire

    Fueling the path of every insurrection

    Being disingenuous is the new belief

    Manipulation births every gain

    But what if friendship could reign

    The peace of passion held swiftly

    Ignoring that life is temporary

    Fighting for what we will never see

  • I Remember When

    I Remember When

    Every day is a blessing and a curse

    I remember every single thing

    Literally like it was yesterday

    Details and feelings

    Visions and meaning

    If you asked me

    Very specifically

    What I wore yesterday

    I couldn’t answer you

    Because everything of the past

    Is not within my view

    But I remember when

    I felt every smile

    I felt every annoyance

    I felt every pain

    I remember when

    Every experience is a triumph and a disaster

    It isn’t really clear what I’m after

    The earth showing me the same thing

    Day after day spinning in the same axis

    Weather changes but everything is the same

    Reliving life repeatedly

    Wondering when that change

    That new life

    When will it happen for me

    But I remember when

    When every adult told me

    Anything I wanted could be mine

    I felt every pride

    I felt every faith

    I felt every deceit

    I remember when

    Every thought is life and death

    Anticipating every possibility

    Analyzing imagined life

    As if life was actually occurring for me

    Providing the illusion of ease

    It’s more like I’ve already prepared

    As if every option was possible

    Already determined every next step

    But I remember when

    Life has more beauty

    When defense wasn’t the best offense

    Life used to be something to me

    I felt every deadly sin

    I felt every eternity

    I felt every circumstance

    I remember when

    Every being is Life and Death

    One assumes the other

    Until one consumes the other

    Regardless of magic

    Irrespective of prayer or hope

    The fate we all reach is equivalent

    I remember when

    Everything we wanted to believe

    It all had to be permanent

    Even when our own existence

    It is just but a dream

    The next generation was the truth

    I felt every doubt

    I felt every love

    I felt God

    I remember when

  • Can I get Some Credit

    Can I get Some Credit

    I mean

    Look at all I have done

    You stay on my ass

    But won’t let me pass

    And I am wondering

    What is it?

    What is it that you don’t like?

    Every time I do anything

    You scrunching up your face

    Like I made a mistake

    Just give me that credit

    That shit I deserve

    I don’t need another word

    I mean

    I see the shit you do

    And I’m looking at it

    Like, is that the best you can do

    Maybe that’s why

    You still in my business

    Looking at what I’m doing

    Instead of handling you business

    What keeps you staring at me?

    I would give you credit

    If I could

    But your shit looks awful

    Doubt if I ever would

    I mean

    Is it jealousy

    Do you have a burning desire

    To be able to do

    All the things that I can do

    Is it that deadly sin

    Thinking if you destroy me

    You would be able to replace me

    You are nothing like me

    You standing there claiming

    If you just had more time

    I’m not wasted a dime of credit

    You ain’t shit, I said it.

    I mean

    There are six more sins you could pursue

    You keep on that pride shit

    Mentally I’m aligned with charity

    But you are beyond help

    All of that gluttony

    If you just had the courage

    To humbly have a bit of faith

    Maybe it would be possible

    For that greed dwelling inside you

    Maybe it could find a different place

    I will give you credit for one thing

    You are not anything I want to be

  • Lovely Days with You

    Lovely Days with You

    I don’t know how to express to you.

    How powerful I feel with you.  

    Some days I just need you close.

    You are everything that is beautiful. 

    Without that beauty.

    This world is no fucking dark. 

    Sometimes I need to focus on love.

    Versus objectives and deliverables. 

    I only have lovely days with you. 

    Just in case you didn’t know, I Love You.

    Just in case I haven’t said it, I Thank You.

    I remember every tear I caused.

    From when I asked you that first question.

    You said yes with a tear.

    From when I asked for forgiveness.

    You said yes with a tear. 

    Each day since I focus on you

    I only have lovely days with you.

    I intentionally avoid every moment.

    Any opportunity to take you for granted.

    Even in the midst of the world.

    You are the heart of the world.

    Breathing every bit of energy.

    Filling my entire soul completely.

    Thought about a moment without you.

    Lost every perspective without you.

    I only have lovely days with you.

    Need your spirit close to me.

    Even if I cannot see you. 

    I can somehow sense you.

    This connection created in a Godly way

    Strengthen in seeds we nurture every day.

    Keeping faith on the worst days.

    Celebrating the best days.

    If only one wish could come true.

    I only have lovely days with you.

  • Begging For Forgiveness

    Begging For Forgiveness

    It wasn’t until that day I knew

    I fucked up

    And the world reminded me

    Momentarily

    Paralyzed in hysteria

    Seeing my baby girl

    I needed to atone

    For every single thing

    I did wrong

    Begging for forgiveness.

    It wasn’t until I recognized

    Every foul word

    And even pleasant words

    I would use them without meaning

    Just to temporarily

    Create a scenario

    I always pretended

    It was for a meaning

    But mirrors only tell the truth

    Begging for forgiveness.

    It wasn’t until I looked

    Into my own eyes

    Yet I stood there surprised

    Raised harshly so lovingly

    Three women formed me

    Although there was testosterone

    Those genes never formed

    Not a single positive thought

    Only doing what I was taught

    Begging for forgiveness.

    It wasn’t until I heard

    Don’t worry about it

    It was ok

    That I knew it wasn’t ok

    Not a single one of them forgot

    Each loving word

    The illusion I created from nothingness

    I was that knight in amour

    That African prince

    Begging for forgiveness.

    It wasn’t until I remembered

    The sins of the past will last

    My seeds will be perpetuators and victims

    From the previous seeds I planted

    Yet I don’t know for certainty

    If they have other siblings

    Although I never tried to disappear

    Before that time of the month

    Indicating everything was clear

    Begging for forgiveness.

    It wasn’t until the world stood still

    And I held my baby girl

    I wanted so much to smile

    Looking at what was mine

    But I had to cry

    Knowing what was mine

    Each pain I caused

    I pray your vengeance on me

    Not this precious baby I see

    Begging for forgiveness.

  • Spoiled

    Spoiled

    Feeling the pressure

    Wanting something differently

    That is what you are claiming

    But you knew me from the beginning

    Remember when

    Every day had time for me

    Every meal, you would always offer me

    Every night, filled with peace and love

    Everything I wanted

    Nothing was off limits

    You created this monster

    This being

    This inner sensation of expectation

    Yeah I’m spoiled

    But you set this expectation

    The Expectation

    It is like it always was

    You know you ask for things

    I purposely forget those things

    You constantly trying to replace

    That hierarchy that exist between us

    You suggesting it’s your turn

    As if you invested and invested

    Now you are trying to claim the ROI

    But I have to let you know

    That’s not how this is going to go

    Just because you spoil me

    That has nothing to do with

    How I treat you

    I treat you

    Like I always have

    You come to me when you need a laugh

    You come to me when you need an ear

    You come to me when you fear

    You come to me when the world is over

    You come to me just to make me move over

    You come to me just for a hi

    You come to me just because

    You come to me when you need a hug

    I thought it was all you needed

    I don’t want what you need

    But apparently you want to be spoiled like me

  • Sometimes

    Sometimes

    Sometimes

    Just sitting here

    Just writing it all out

    All the things I should say

    Everything that I was suppose to say

    Just end up here

    Right here

    Just to get it out

    Sometimes

    Emotion captures

    Frustration turns into anger

    Anger gets trapped into complacency

    And just in that moment

    Losing all my sanity

    Differences eluding me

    So I am stuck being me

    Sometimes

    Reminiscing about this

    Missing something dismissed

    Wondering about uncertainty’s privilege

    Stipulation of inevitable changes

    Waiting for the next evolution

    Rotation of the earth

    Endless revolutions

    Sometimes

    The stars see me

    Looking a bit desperately

    Endlessly striving toward possibilities

    Lingering in this crazy mystery

    Lord please bless me

    Trying so hard

    Please hear me

  • Forgiveness

    Forgiveness

    Forgiveness?

    I heard about you

    People stay talking about you

    Telling me I need to meet you

    Somehow I need to get to know you

    They kept saying I need some time with you

    Telling me how nice you are

    Speaking as if we ever met

    The world would be so different

    The crazy part

    They never tell me how you look

    Only describing emotion intelligent things

    As if those things have meaning

    Expecting me to show a sign of softness

    Forgiveness?

    Forgiveness?

    Let me tell you like this

    I know how to treat people

    And if you want to be

    One of those people

    Just know

    I will tell you

    Like I told them

    Everything is everything

    We can even pretend to be friends

    But if you dare cross me in anyway

    You better watch for what’s coming your way

    I will cut you off with the quickness

    Forgiveness?

    Forgiveness?

    You keep asking me these questions

    Knowing you really don’t want to know the answer

    I know I’m alone, but that doesn’t mean I’m lonely

    It is absolutely intentional

    Based on how people treat me

    I know every time I see you

    You looking at me because I’m solo

    But at least if I am the only one here

    I will already know

    How everything is about to go

    I’m telling you I am good

    From sun up to sun down

    I do not need you in my business

    Forgiveness?

    Forgiveness?

    When the night becomes clear

    That is the part that is anchored in fear

    Would I be as strong as I claim to be

    If everyone that did anything

    I allowed to continually hurt me

    How am I missing out on life?

    You know how this thing go

    You meet them

    You trust them

    They take you for granted

    They take your last bit of trust

    Now they look real different

    That is why I am suspicious.

    Forgiveness.

    Forgiveness.

    I get what you saying

    Because I have yet to let go

    From each and every hurt and pain

    Right now

    That is all I know

    I know how to be hurt

    I know how to manage pain

    And now, somehow

    I am creating the exact scenario

    That I claim to be letting go

    I am my worst enemy

    Counting nights minutes

    Forgiveness.

    Forgiveness

    I see you

    I remember I saw you a while back

    When I turned away

    When they stabbed me in the back

    I walked right past you

    I just didn’t know it was you

    I just thought as long as I keep this wall up

    I would always be strong enough

    Now this same wall grown so tall

    I cannot see anything

    Not a single joy or smile

    Please accept my apology

    Please forgive me.

  • Just Different

    Just Different

    Experiencing things Differently

    As if different choices were made

    Imaging the differences as reality

    Now I’m stuck on this fantasy

    What if’s.  And If that’s….

    None of it means a thing

    In reality it’s not better or worse

    It’s just a different path to the same thing

    Going deep into the emotion of different things

    Plotting out new courses with a different ring

    The difference of this emotion is only

    That I’m trying to make it different

    Like trying to only carve out the best

    Like this fantasy wont let me rest

    Repeating my past with different decisions

    Precisely laid out like an incision

    It’s just a different way but the same pain

    Looking at money differently

    Don’t need different banks to exchange pennies

    I am the hedge fund, creating wealth differently

    Money watching money make money

    Different life sure to be

    That different life, different expenses surely

    And in an instant still broke as could be

    But at least I made the money differently

    Pain is soothed by different thoughts

    As if I weren’t in control the first time around

    The different things I would have done

    If and only if I knew what I know now

    Same intelligence doesn’t lead to a different result

    This is the life I have, I could start living or be lost

    Focusing on where I am

    versus where I thought I should be

    The only difference, is the difference I am imagining.

  • Got Me Loving You

    Got Me Loving You

    It ain’t your brown eyes

    Looking deep into mine

    No that doesn’t draw me near

    Your skin tone

    Kissed by summers rays

    Doesn’t bring me any closer to you

    Something indescribable about you

    Got me loving you

    It Ain’t your fragrance

    That perfume fills the room

    Making me only think of you

    Not the way you move

    Everyone getting on your groove

    Trying to figure it out

    Even when I’m not with you

    Got me loving you

    It Ain’t your expertise

    Of everything within your reach

    Your command of people

    Has them follow you endlessly

    Not even your elegance

    Upon your entrance

    Everyone needing to see you

    Got me loving you

    It Ain’t your presence

    Desirable essence

    That savior faire

    Everyone knows you here

    Not anything I can tell you

    No matter what it is

    Just know one thing is true

    Got me loving you 

  • Praying

    Praying

    Prayed for rain,

    Now I’m standing in mud

    Really thought I knew what I wanted.

    It was dry and barren.

    Thought I just needed to be caring. 

    Confidently I knew the way

    Now that rain drained my day.

    Praying, for what I want

    Praying, for what I need

    Is praying the answer,

    Or should I just wait patiently?

    Prayed for strength,

    Now I’ve lost my compassion

    Really thought if I could just be stronger,

    I could make it last much longer.

    Tears.

    Heartache. 

    Now it’s gone, but so too is the passion.

    Now I can’t feel anything, just the weight of this strength.

    Praying, for what I want.

    Praying, for what I need.

    Is praying the answer,

    Or should I just wait patiently?

    Prayed and prayed, but I’m still in need. 

    Got every single thing that I’ve prayed for, yet I’m empty. 

    Learn to accept and manage, instead praying for that greener grass.

    It’s all just an illusion, and this too shall pass.

    Praying, for what I want.

    Praying, for what I need.

    Is praying the answer,

    Or should I just wait patiently?

  • Just ain’t right

    Just ain’t right

    Coming in late at night

    Something

    Just doesn’t feel right

    Gut telling me

    There’s something

    I don’t wanna know

    Asking you random questions

    Hoping you come real slow

    Nothing is wrong

    Yeah, I heard what you said

    But this feeling

    Stays inside my head

    Suspiciously I stare at you

    Now you frustrated

    You looking different

    Can’t recognize that scent

    Something just ain’t right

    The way you coming home

    Each and every night

    Something just ain’t right

    You can’t even look at me

    What is it you expect of me

    Tryna have this conversation with you

    You avoiding every question

    What did I do to you

    Your avoidance is worrying

    Got me thinking

    That something is missing

    Missing something obvious

    Because your answers are dubious

    What should I expect

    When I feel the neglect

    You losing my respect

    Now you slowly

    Looking uneasy

    What is it

    Oh, now you feel me

    Feel me, leaving

    Something just ain’t right

    They way you coming home

    Each and every night

    Something just ain’t right

    You can even look at me

    What is it you expect of me

    Listen to me

    Loud and clearly

    Never repeating this

    So I hope you hear

    I know you

    Like I know me

    And I know this feeling

    When I’m uneasy

    Whether you admit it or not

    I know you doing something

    That just ain’t right

    Don’t care if you don’t come clean

    My conscience ain’t feeling a thing

    So keep the lie to yourself

    And let me be by myself

    Don’t need anyone else

    Something just ain’t right

    They way you coming home

    Each and every night

    Something just ain’t right

    You can even look at me

    What is it you expect of me

  • Family

    Family

    Faint memories

    Devastated me

    The fallacy of belief

    Holding onto fiction

    Artistically describing

    Each and every interaction

    Remembering Christmas morning

    Thinking we were a family

    Haunted memories

    Seeing who made you

    Each time I thought

    Even for an instance

    The other half of me

    Finally wanted me

    Just an illusion I created

    Wanting family

    Fake Memories

    Created multi parent household

    Lasted until I was 10 years old

    Held me and allowed me to grow

    Didn’t even know

    Parents weren’t suppose to go

    Slowly realized

    The one sided family

    Angered memories

    Woke up realizing

    Single parent household

    Faults amplified

    The rejection taken hold

    Half of what made me

    No longer wanted me

    That’s my family

    Ignored memories

    Siblings visited

    Far off and distant

    Never an embrace

    Barely a hello

    Realized, for the first time

    I was alone

    Abandoned by family

  • Should Be Sleeping

    Should Be Sleeping

    I should be sleeping

    But my mind won’t rest

    Keep replaying today

    Our conversation from today

    Wondering how you feeling

    How are you dealing

    Cause some days

    My heart hurts

    When I know

    The whole day will pass

    And I won’t see that ass

    I should be sleeping

    But I still have stuff on my mind

    Need to get this out

    Truth please set me free

    Please allow her to see

    That I’m in love

    With her love

    Loving that love

    That she gives relentlessly

    Without judgement

    Without cruelty

    Purely love

    Sweet destiny

    I should be sleeping

    But I need you to listen

    I would give it all up

    Every day

    The most joyous day

    The happiest week

    The longest night

    Milestone after milestone

    I would give it all up

    For a chance to rewind time

    To tell you this from the beginning

    To tell you you are the shit

    And I fucked Up

    And missed it.

    I should be sleeping

    But I’m here trying to live

    But it’s different when

    You have to fight to live

    When you ain’t enjoying life

    You are just a part of life

    Incomplete, unfocused

    Transverse time as if there is time

    Awaiting the end, because the past passed

    Seeing that parallel timeline

    Plotting intricate plots

    Plotting to jump to that line

    That line where we are together

    Talking shit

    Blending shit

    Rolling shit

    Smoking shit

  • Grief

    Grief

    Midst of the grief

    Fighting the belief

    Everything has its place

    So must this pain

    In my face

    Pulling at me

    With every single breath

    Waking with tears

    My own dreams

    Perpetuating fears

    Deep into grief

    Asking questions rhetorically

    Only God can answer me

    Knees bend in pain

    Screaming to remain sane

    Replaying each scene

    Was it meant to be me

    Not accepting this destiny

    Fire keeps growing in me

    Afraid to sleep

    Alone in this grief

    Every grief opening

    Every single time

    I felt this pain

    Appreciating lessons

    Some told remain old

    Expecting something different

    Hard to bear this

    Praying for something

    Not even sure what yet

    Buried in grief

    Flowing through me

    Essence of everything

    Innocence was fleeting

    Unable to protect me

    Envied each day dream

    Thinking I’d be free

    I changed locations

    Escaped reality

    But it never left me

  • I Know That

    I Know That

    I know that I know you

    This cannot be the first time

    Like our souls, our souls

    They’ve always been intertwined

    Your presence creates euphoria

    And I need more of ya

    Whatever happened last lifetime

    Has nothing to do with this time

    And now that I found you again

    You will always be mine.

    I know that I know you

    There is nothing strange between us

    So we can talk like there’s no space between us

    As we reflecting on each other’s energy

    All around us nothing but envy

    And they wondering

    How long we known each other

    How long we been together

    But we are beyond the concept of time

    Our mental interwoven as if we are time

    I know that I know you

    Close your eyes so your soul can see mine

    So we can communicate on a different realm

    Please don’t feel overwhelmed

    It’s just that cosmic energy

    That euphoric energy

    That constantly magnetizes my soul to yours

    If nothing else please believe I am yours

    And only collectively can we achieve serenity

    Ignoring everything that dissipates our energy

    I know that I know you

    Generationally negativity pulls us apart

    Everlastingly our love restarts

    And somehow I am drawn to you

    Even if I never know your name

    I know that I know you

    And I can feed off your every thought

    Randomly conceiving of weird innuendos

    And I’m all in cause I had the same thought

    No matter what, keeping everything about you

  • If Only….

    If Only….

    If only we were strong enough

    As a collective

    Not to view professional sports

    As the golden ticket

    To somehow believe

    We are more than our physicality

    We could literally create

    More than we have already invented

    We could absolutely lead

    Further than we ever have managed

    If only we saw the Negro League

    As a point of strength

    Not a means to an end

    Although we were winning

    We claimed it as a failure

    As those that are unlike us

    Didn’t accept our win

    And I just don’t know when

    When we will see ourselves

    As the victories that we are

    Surpassing mediocrity

    Elevating from slavery

    Yet, are we free?

    If only we could see the beauty

    Seeing females as if they are princesses and queens

    Seeing men as if they are princes and kings

    Creating a new narrative

    Where celebrating the first

    To do something

    In someone else’s culture

    Is no longer seen as a monumental thing

    Where our boundaries and breakthroughs

    Are only self defined

    Where I don’t need to prove shit to no one

    That could care less about me

    And I don’t need to trumpet

    That I am as good as someone else

    I can literally just be myself

    If only we could plant new seeds

    Nurtured with a new energy

    No longer naming this new being

    Based on old things

    If slavery was such a bad thing

    Why do we hold onto to any of it?

    The names, the celebrations

    Or even the religions

    That were only allowed

    To ensure we remained a human plow

    It wasn’t the relinquishing

    Of prison gates that granted freedom

    We were simply told we were allowed to go

    Up until that point we mentally

    Weren’t allowed to go

    And still to this day

    That very minimal energy

    Never balanced the scales

    So it’s surprising me

    When people say they are free

    If only we knew the cost of freedom

    Do we give our life?

    So that the next life will be free

    Do we sacrifice our culture?

    Creating it into an economy

    So that the next generation

    Will have less pressure to fit in

    Do we call out the ignorance?

    And beg for people

    To look at us different

    Do we take up arms?

    And beg for people

    To treat us different

    Do we realize

    That we aren’t even the root of the issue

    Do we continue to ignore

    The issues rooted in the formation of this place

    It is not anything we can do or not do

    There is this every present belief

    That the revolt that never happened

    Against those of European descent

    Will one day happen

    Against those of European descent

    I have to just tell you

    No one wants it to happen

    Except those of European descent

    If only everyone loved unconditionally…

  • Can I Get To Know You?

    Can I Get To Know You?

    Can I get to know ya

    Wanna know what’s real with ya

    Cause it has to be something

    That I’m missin with ya

    Its like every once in a while

    Everything calms down

    Like I’m in the eye of the storm

    And I asking myself what’s wrong

    What is going on in this place

    Never seen such a calm space

    Can I get to know ya

    Can I get to know ya

    Cause Its obvious I don’t know ya

    I know I been in your presence

    Cannot even count the times

    But you got my face wound up

    Should I be shocked or surprised

    My pessimism cannot appreciate this

    Optimistically I’ve been waiting for this

    Looking skeptically, not sure what to do

    Should I sit directly next to you

    Can I get to know ya

    Can I get to know ya

    I must need a refresher course

    Cause when I see ya

    I don’t know the course

    Is it rough and rigid

    Memorized your digits

    Bewildered by this change

    When someone asked

    I didn’t even know my own name

    If I had one wish in this world

    Can I get to know ya

    Can I get to know ya

    Need to avoid those sore spots

    When you making dinner

    I’m cleaning the pots

    If you sweep

    Then I’ll vacuum

    Taking the trash out

    You ain’t got to ask me

    Filling every void that I can

    I’ll show you all that I am

    Can I get to know ya

  • Counting Up Missed Opportunities

    Counting Up Missed Opportunities

    Counting up missed opportunities

    Somehow they didn’t become dear to me

    When you were here

    Life was forever

    So there was always another opportunity

    Then the life I was expecting

    Didn’t become reality

    And all those words

    Each thought

    Every dream

    Just turned into a fantasy

    Counting up missed opportunities

    Reflecting on personal interactions

    As if they were just simple transactions

    Debits and credits constantly

    Managing self fulfilling accounts

    Never took into account

    That one day the coffers would be empty

    Hearing the words didn’t scare me

    Just left me empty

    They said you were gone

    But no one said what was wrong

    Counting up missed opportunities

    Convincing myself

    Everything happens for a reason

    Telling myself

    God doesn’t make mistakes

    Looking in the mirror

    Hoping to see strength

    Instead of this reality

    I absolutely want to avoid the ceremony

    I think it’s called paying our last respects

    Instead I turned off everything I had left

    Counting up missed opportunity

    Admitting each mistake I’ve made

    Making vain promises

    That I will never be in this situation again

    Promising to tell everyone I love them

    Promising to make time while they are here

    Promising that nothing material will interfere

    Promising that this pain will end

    Yet I stand over this casket

    Tears breaking through

    Realizing every one of my sins

  • Happy Anniversary

    Happy Anniversary

    Dear Sweetie

    Dear Sweetie,

    You don’t know me

    I been here, going through

    The motions, the fears, the tears

    It’s all I could manage,

    Sitting here

    Waiting for you

    Dear Sweetie

    In my mind

    You are obviously

    The right choice,

    Subtle and powerful choice

    Constantly I improve day by day

    Knowing you’ll come my way

    Dear Sweetie

    Dreams come true

    Circumstances create opportunity

    Now I’m bumping into you,

    Cannot ever let it go

    Dear Sweetie.

    Stuck in My Heart

    Sitting in the dark

    Watching that little light burn

    Power out

    From that powerful storm

    Exhausted

    From the early start

    But I got you stuck in my heart

    Wind howls

    Sounding like knocks on the door

    Feeling the emptiness of you leaving to my core

    Powerless

    Too little too late

    You had to depart

    But I got you stuck in my heart

    Wishing softly

    Mind clear as the morning bright

    Wanting to love you in this still night

    Don’t know where you are

    Where is my sweetheart

    But I got you stuck in my heart

    Silent stillness

    Surrounding everything about me

    Wishing for a moonlit beach

    Feels so right to me

    Longing for that perfect moment

    Missing that beautiful art

    But I got you stuck in my heart

    Right to My Heart

    Every time I think

    We drifting apart

    You say something to me

    Like you speaking

    Right to my heart

    And In a matter of minutes

    Its like we have a fresh start

    And this smile

    Will last for a while

    Been so long since we talked

    I know we don’t need to talk

    To stay as close as we stay

    It’s a special bond

    In a special way

    And each in every way

    I’m never good

    Until I know you’re ok

    I mean

    I need to know

    How you feeling

    Cause ain’t nothing

    More revealing

    Every time I think

    We drifting apart

    You say something to me

    Like you speaking

    Right to my heart

    And In a matter of minutes

    Its like we have a fresh start

    And this smile

    Will last for a while

    Sitting here just thinking

    Everything you say

    Means so much to me

    Because it always

    Has a deeper meaning

    So I slowly

    Receive every word

    I’d be nothing without you

    Why did I ever even think

    I could ever be without you

    And I never will try again

    Loving you, only way to win

    Every time I think

    We drifting apart

    You say something to me

    Like you speaking

    Right to my heart

    And In a matter of minutes

    Its like we have a fresh start

    And this smile

    Will last for a while

    There is no more

    I can even say

    I love you

    About Us

    The best part about us

    Is the constant us

    Never have I

    Felt anything like this

    When a new day

    Feels like a first kiss

    The constant

    The resurgence of love

    When something happens

    And I fall in love again

    Loving my best friend

    The best part of us

    We are not the same

    Will never answer questions equally

    Do not finish each other’s sentences

    Yet we know each other unequivocally

    This is on everything

    Loving you unconditionally

    Something innate within

    Through every joy

    Through every sin

    Holding you infinitely

    The best part about us

    The commitment shared

    Latching tightly

    The vow promised

    Just oft pristine beach

    Our essential foundation

    Within reach

    Smiling proudly

    Bonding through it all

    Remembering each moment

    Remembering the love

    The best part about us

    After the prayer is done

    Witnessing Gods grace

    Strengthening us

    Helping us

    Maintaining us

    Through the every moment

    In those random moments

    Doing the simplest of things

    Even if we are just being

    Stay having this love thing

  • Democracy

    Democracy

    Within its thrills of DEMOCRACY

    I think I see more than what

    I’m supposed to see

    Things are fair and just

    Because that’s what you’re meant to see

    But in the midst of the struggle

    Poor will fight poor

    To maintain the wealthy

    The wealthy elite

    That’s who the stars represent

    The stripes for everyone else’s

    Pain and punishment

    It’s gotten so irate

    That the Lords and the Saxons

    Argue about unending debates

    Gross neglect is DEMOCRACY’S fate

    You just have to stop and think

    What’s the purpose of this DEMOCRACY

    For all the times that it existed

    Mass murders were a common existence

    King’s fought side by side with their armies

    No one was above peace and harmony

    Then realization manifested into reality

    An elitist dying from war would never be reality

    War has always existed

    It is a animalistic condition

    To have everything you can possible hold

    No one wants to really share

    Until they are past tense and old

    So we continue propagating this myth

    That we are free

    And it’s due to DEMOCRACY

  • Lost So Much

    Lost So Much

    Lost so much, but still have everything

    Only possible loses are material things

    Remember seeing people transition

    The mystery is revealed in everything

    King Bryant proclaimed with thunderous sound

    As long as you say my name I live.

    So now I say it everyday

    Accepting he is still with me

    Recognizing I was mourning

    Future memories I didn’t even see

    Lost so much, but still have everything

    Only possible loses are material things

    Growing up with that key round neck

    That shit wasn’t easy for me

    Big as I was, not even two digits yet

    Walking past all kinds of mess

    Nothing to do at home but create fantasy

    Realized I wasn’t lonely, just was being me

    But I damn sure guaranteed

    My seed wouldn’t go that way

    Lost so much, but still have everything

    Only possible loses are material things

    Grew up with so much

    I was giving it away

    Thinking these little trinkets were in the way

    There was a whole world to see

    But I was so busy enjoying being me

    Meeting social expectations

    I ventured out, found out what the world was about

    Saw I wasn’t missing a thing, but me

    Lost so much, but still have everything

    Only possible loses are material things

    seeing pain from different points of view

    From nicotine, from alcohol, sex, narcotics

    From fixing cars, fixing the yard, painting new paint

    People doing anything to avoid what life brings

    I saw a bunch of people out in this world

    Trying to find that solitude that I released

    Laughing at the the psychology of my disbelief

    We are all missing the opportunity to be me

  • Prayer Was Revealed

    Prayer Was Revealed

    Maybe if you understood where I’m coming from

    You’d understand what I’m talking about

    Every prayer I prayed was revealed

    From little things

    Material things

    Even women

    And shiny things

    Every single prayer

    Didn’t matter how rare

    Maybe if you understood where I’m coming from

    You’d understand what I’m talking about

    Praying is a powerful commitment

    Aligning your frequency

    To your uppermost limit

    Self proclaimed gurus

    Claim to have figured it out

    But it ain’t none of that

    It’s just what God is about

    Maybe if you understood where I’m coming from

    You’d understand what I’m talking about

    No matter what I prayed

    I got more than what I asked for

    Whenever I prayed for a dollar

    There was more than a federal tax

    Because after paper start coming

    You can never relax

    More and more is all you can pray for

    Maybe if you understood where I’m coming from

    You’d understand what I’m talking about

    Then through some act of destiny

    I accepted what prayer is meant to be

    It isn’t for any specific thing

    But showing gratitude for everything

    Permitting your mind to let go of this earth

    Align with Gods will and all its worth

    All the prayer you need is to appreciate what God needs.

  • The Future

    The Future

    I can see into the future

    There are no mics to drop

    Nothing spectacular to convey

    The first lesson you shall learn

    You will not see everyday

    I can see into the future

    Disasters are really triumphs

    They bring life out of death

    Emphasizing what is left

    Yet we only see the theft

    I can see into the future

    The earth spinning on its axis

    Multitude avoiding taxes

    Ignoring the humanity of community

    While wondering, is it me?

    I can see into the future

    The dawn of each day

    With every setting sun

    Someone leaves this place

    Before their work has begun

    I can see into the future

    Dare not share this thought

    Freedom is not free

    Created from destruction

    Ignored in selfish possibility

    I can see into the future

    The caste is set in stone

    Reminisce of illegitimate wealth

    Creating limitations

    That only apply to someone else

    I can see into the future

    The image of Heaven stands

    The North Star of every land

    Keeping mischievous beings in check

    Preventing the evolution of what’s next

  • Been Asking

    Been Asking

    Been asking God for you

    Never knew it was you

    Didn’t know I already knew you

    Everything I needed

    Right in front of me

    It was all in you

    Been asking for this

    Someone to share every detail with

    Without grades or judgement

    Spiritually recognized

    Holding on for dear life

    Realizing the anointed life

    Been asking God for you

    Someone that cares

    For what I’m going through

    So long been alone for so long

    Didn’t realize when I was with you

    You were the one to confide to

    Been asking for this

    This ain’t even physical

    Feeling your words, it’s emotional

    Finding the next step is challenging

    Digging into ever crate I can find

    Can’t keep you off my mind

    Been asking God for you

    And I’m so thankful

    That God already has you

    Already breathing in you

    Cause my mind would be different

    If your calling wasn’t heaven sent

  • I don’t know what to do

    I don’t know what to do

    I don’t know what to do

    Everything was happening

    And the happenings

    That just kept happening

    And no one knew what to do

    They thought isolation

    Would somehow help us

    And now I’m left wondering

    Because you are not here

    Instead of staying away

    Thinking I was keeping you safe

    Should I have stayed closer

    To keep you safe

    Now there is nothing left

    Just those memories

    cherishing every moment

    That we had

    Trying my hardest

    Yet I’m still sad.

    I don’t know what to do

    It all happened so fast

    We just spoke last week

    You were a little tired

    But you could still speak

    Then calls were unanswered

    There were no more social media post

    It felt like the world went silent

    Calling around to everyone

    Yet no one heard from you

    The nurse said it wasn’t going well

    There was this eery feeling

    Wondering without information

    Stuck second guessing

    Each piece of sporadic information

    The ventilator was working well

    That’s what we were told

    Nothing to worry about

    Everything would be O.K.

    You weren’t that old

    I don’t know what to do

    The hospital called

    We still cannot see you

    Not even to say our final goodbye

    I pray to God that this isn’t true

    What prayer do I need to pray

    What else can I possibly do

    There is so much life left

    Cannot fathom it’ll be without you

    I’m lost in this moment

    Begging for another moment

    Heart levied with anguish

    Not knowing what to do next

    Everyone is calling everyone else

    How do we move forward

    Recognizing there will be no closure

    The tears flowed swiftly

    Lost every sense of composer

    When they finally told me

    Your life was over

    I don’t know what to do

    Standing here in the open air

    Finding comfort in memories

    Sharing tears openly

    Writing your name clearly

    Speaking your name loudly

    Celebrating every day

    As if you are still here with me

    Closing my eyes

    Just for a moment of peace

    Forever more

    I will eternally say your name

    Smiling momentarily

    Believing holistically

    There is life after this world

    We will be reunited eventually

    Holding each day from now til then

    Burying your earthly shell

    Hoping that somehow

    You will live through me

  • Happy Birthday Wifey

    Happy Birthday Wifey

    Love you Dearly

    Screaming your name,

    Can you hear me?

    Right in front of your face,

    Can you see me?

    Have to do something,

    And do it quickly

    Hope you feel me, 

    Cause I love you dearly

    Every time I see you

    Feels like the first time

    Anxiety, excitement, every time

    Looking into your brown eyes

    Captivated by your intelligence

    Talking about our kids

    Like we got so many

    Loving the stories

    There are so many

    The sacrificing parents that we are

    Screaming your name,

    Can you hear me?

    Right in front of your face,

    Can you see me?

    Have to do something,

    And do it quickly

    Hope you feel me, 

    Cause I love you dearly

    No day is promised

    So putting it on the line

    I want to be all you need, all the time

    I love you unconditionally

    Don’t care where you been

    Making myself your best friend

    Shoulder to cry on, to lean on too

    The world is just purer with me and you

    Loving each day because I see you

    Intentionally making memories of you

    What do you need?

    What can I provide?

    Being yours is my pride

    Screaming your name,

    Can you hear me?

    Right in front of your face,

    Can you see me?

    Have to do something,

    And do it quickly

    Hope you feel me, 

    Cause I love you dearly

    Ride Wit You

    Today was one of those days

    When I realized I how I felt

    Being there at this phase

    Seeing your face, heartfelt

    Up till this point it’s been a maze

    Managing what was being dealt

    But today just got to ride wit you

    I’m seeing every point of view

    Thinking about all you been through

    Looking to shaded eyes in the rear view

    Realizing I didn’t have a clue

    Wondering how to get a better view

    At some point today our Love grew

    And I was happy just to ride wit you

    Awkwardly feeling, I’m catching feelings

    Together, friendship tough as leather

     Some days I’m loving you to the ceiling

    It’s those little attributes, touch of a feather

    Reliving all of our dealings

    Faith to endure all sort of weather

    Still here to ride wit you.

    The ending day, the worst part

    Knowing, I don’t know, when I’ll ride with you

    And when I’m near you I can feel my heart

    Eyes closed wishing, whispering I love you

    Wondering the difference if life had a restart

    Sacrificing everything just from a text from you

    I’m down to ride wit you

    Excited For You

    There is no feeling greater

    Being in your corner

    Whether the day is sunny

    Or the weather is devastating

    Something special in this

    Just trying to be there for you

    If you need it, listening to you

    During the storm, shelter for you

    Anything I can do

    Cause I’m excited for you

    You telling me your dreams

    I see them as reality

    You sharing your thoughts

    I already got you everything

    You low on energy

    I’m picking you up for the get up

    You feeling anxious

    I’m loving you with patience

    You just relaxing

    I’m out of your way

    Baby enjoy your day

    Excited for you

    Just to be there

    Seeing your success

    Whatever you need

    I got you

    Excited for you

    Sitting here waiting for you

    It’s one of those interviews

    Dress to the Ts, shoes too

    Gliding down the steps

    It’s pure elegance

    Cautiously optimistic

    I believing you are ballistic

    Everything prepared

    Dressed for success

    Nothing left

    But to master this day.

    The day is done

    And I’m smiling brightly

    Do you know

    How proud you made me

    Life giving you

    The insurmountable

    With all that God has giving you

    You are more than able

    Life flashing through

    Day by day

    Pushing each other along the way

    Living vicariously through you

    I’m So proud of the things you do

    Living, loving, dreaming about you

    I’m so excited for you.

    Excited for you

    Just to be there

    Seeing your success

    Whatever you need

    I got you

    Excited for you

  • Final Time To Say Farewell

    Final Time To Say Farewell

    Final time to say farewell

    Now I’m supposed to pretend

    That all is well

    Remembering that exact building

    Been there a few times

    Never once for a reason

    That didn’t leave a tear inside

    Final time to say farewell

    Now I’m supposed to believe

    You are in this heavenly place

    And I’ll never see you again

    Until I meet my own fate

    But I’ve done so many wrong things

    It’s just too late

    Final time to say farewell

    Recognizing you cannot see me

    There’s no breath left

    Ignoring the depths of eternity

    Knowing you cannot feel me

    Praying you knew

    Everything you are to me

    Final time to say farewell

    As if you won’t forever exist

    I swear to you

    I will always remember you

    Something this world will never take away

    Digesting your words

    Just seeing your face

    Final time to say farewell

    Wishing I said what needed to be said

    Hoping life won’t end where you lay

    Believing tomorrow brings a new day

    Wanting to know you can REST

    Needing something to believe IN

    Praying for your eternal PEACE

  • That Poetry

    That Poetry

    I am not a poet

    I am a lover

    Everything about anything

    It is all about love for me

    Instantaneously

    I will release it

    Given it away freely

    As if

    We spent every day freely

    As if

    Nothing else existed

    Besides your voice

    That poetry

    I am not real

    I am imagined

    Something about everything

    Love evolves within me

    Spontaneously

    You are always there

    Remember the summer scene

    As if

    Every car ride was serene

    As if

    We were an eternity

    Feeling your voice

    That poetry

    I am not that

    I am a belief

    Holding onto anatomical dreams

    Using future titles to speak life

    Sporadically

    I am my worse enemy

    Created obstacles

    As if

    I couldn’t handle the certainty

    As if

    Destiny was avoidable

    Hearing that love

    That poetry

  • Trying to Write it Out

    Trying to Write it Out

    If I could write out everything,

    Maybe it would be something new to sing.  

    The stories of the past weigh on me.

    Never found anyone to share with me. 

    Everyone wants me to solve their problems,

    But what do I do about my problems.

    Trying to write it out. 

    The pain. 

    Lost dreams. 

    Unfulfilled hope. 

    Small things. 

    Embarrassed for you to know,

    Everything I do is not in control. 

    A lot of gut reactions,

    Just so happens to turn out right for someone else. 

    But for me, the gut reactions don’t work. 

    Just endure day to day.  

    Trying to write it out. 

    The pain. 

    Lost dreams. 

    Unfulfilled hope. 

    Small things. 

    Never had a good day in my life. 

    Moments of smiles since I was a child. 

    People promising fake beliefs,

    The disappointment turned me really mean. 

    Now I cannot believe what people say. 

    People just say shit to get you out the way. 

    Trying to write it out. 

    The pain. 

    Lost dreams. 

    Unfulfilled hope. 

    Small things. 

    Cannot spend my whole life in complaints. 

    So I just keep the train moving,

    Pretending day to day.

    Making people believe everything is O.K..

    Then I noticed ,

    People just accept what they want to believe.

    And what’s really going on will remain unseen.

    Trying to write it out. 

    The pain. 

    Lost dreams. 

    Unfulfilled hope. 

    Small things. 

  • Good Morning

    Good Morning

    Saying good morning

    Each and every morning

    So you know

    So you can feel

    This love is surreal

    When I wake up

    You’re on my mind

    Every single morning

    That first thought

    Is of you

    Even in the middle of the day

    Still feels like a good morning in a way

    There is something new

    This thing is refreshing

    Thoughts of us reminiscing

    Things we did

    Love we shared

    It’s everlasting experience love

    Year after year

    Sun is setting

    Umbrella protecting us from the sun

    Relaxing in summers warmth

    That good morning feeling

    Energy fueling me

    What else could it be

    Willingly accepting destiny

    Something about this

    I never want to miss

    Nights sweet calm

    Holding onto my arm

    You are leaning so gently

    That unique feeling sneaks in

    It’s a good morning again

    And I’m looking for that sense

    Trying my best to find that pleasure

    Everyday I’m learning

    Loving you into the next good morning.

  • Just Writing

    Just Writing

    Just Writing

    Putting words down

    Nothing else works

    Only way to get these words out

    Let these feelings feel the air

    Get these feelings out of my nonexistent hair

    Getting word indigestion

    Pepto Bismal ain’t working

    Gotta make these words start working

    If I keep them in any longer

    Festering may make them stronger

    Then my outward action

    Would reflect my inward frustration

    Just Writing

    The endless feeling of WTF in my space

    Needing peace.

    Not in these streets.

    In my soul

    Got me feeling real real old.

    Starting out I grew up spoiled

    Far from rough and rugged

    More like educationally stimulated

    I never waited for anything I wanted in life

    My attitude is Atomic for the rest of my life

    Fuck 0-100. 

    I’m at 100. 

    Stay at 100. 

    Live at 100

    Why would I ever stop this flow

    Just Writing

    Ain’t no reason to regret where I go

    Everything I do

    Everything I see

    Something new to learn

    Something more I can be

    I specifically focus on the better me

    Trying to catch that dude

    No matter where he may be

    I’m not looking

    I’m on the hunt. 

    Stalking the future me…

    Just Writing

    I’m  hungry

    I need more than what I was supposed to be

    If I had more energy my body would levitate

    Don’t need to live forever

    I need to be forever

    I meed my children’s kids’ great great Grand children

    To hear my voice at critical points in their life

    Need them to know

    I’ll never know them

    But I’ll love them with my whole life

    The pain and tragedy of my current life

    More like seeds being planted

    More like the deep darkness of the earth’s riches. 

    Just Writing

    Struggling to breathe

    But surrounded by nutrients that build me up

    Absorbing all these different things

    Just to make me appear tough

    If you think talking to me about big shit

    That will somehow make me

    Stop working on my own shit

    You couldn’t influence me with trillions in riches

    I’m not him.

    The soul I have is not for sale 

    You can’t burn me with them bum bitches.

    I’m only loyal to what I know is real.

    Just Writing

    Either you here for me. 

    Or you not. 

    Ain’t no in-between. 

    Ain’t no. 

    Maybe later. 

    Ain’t nothing else besides we rocking till the last breath.

    If those ain’t your words.

    I don’t fuck with you.

    Just Writing 

    Nothing new going on in my head. 

    Just getting out this old shit

    Can’t take it with me when I’m dead.  

    There is something for real

    About that glass being half full. 

    You can only get about one half more

    Before you are really full. 

    So I’m going for empty

    Dumping it all out

    On steps and i’m a slinky. 

    Dumping it all out

    Whether you are with me

    And even if you are against me

    All this potential energy

    It stays fucking up my  synergy

    So today converting it kinetically

    Into something that has longevity.

    Talking but I ain’t talking about shit. 

    Just purging out last year so this year will fit.

    Just Writing

    I’m on some delete all that bullshit.

    SELECT * and deleted that shit. 

    That recycle bin just wants me

    To keep hold of the old me

    Trying to convince me

    That the old can become new 

    But I’m telling you

    What matters can be destroyed

    And something new is created

    Every single time I make some noise

    A new opportunity can materialize

    But I don’t get hypnotized. 

    It’s just one of the many things that I do really really well. 

    If you cannot tell I can even write well.  

    Just Writing

    Wake up wondering

    Wondering around waiting

    Looking in the past with my hourglass

    Counting each drop of sand in my hand

    Remembering each grain

    In the sand of time

    Now it’s my time

    The right time

    Creating sands of time

    No need to flip it over

    I’ve got more coming

    I make my own sand

    Even while I’m wasting

    That last bit of sand

    From the sand man.