Sy Bryant

Tag: Fatherless

  • Darkness Will Shine

    Darkness Will Shine

    The bottomless pit

    That envy

    Consuming mortality

    Focused externally

    Believing

    I’m not who I claim to be

    Claiming another’s destiny

    Plotting over time

    Darkness will shine

    Expecting insanity

    Repeatedly executing

    Repetitiously anticipation

    As if a different outcome

    Will finally come

    Unchanged methodology

    The answer, unequivocally

    Cannot be me

    Darkness will shine

    Preparation for abundance

    Creating repositories

    Futuristic inventories

    Organized scheming

    Suit and tie conspiracies

    Eliminated electronic trails

    Buried evidence

    Resurrected above the skyline

    Darkness will shine

    Deeply contemplating this

    Post mortuary visits

    Explaining all the details

    Limitations of statutes

    Impermeable to virtues

    Accepting final peace

    Disclosing missed mistakes

    You never  knew it was me

    Darkness will shine

  • Bastard Life

    Bastard Life

    Recognized it quickly

    Early on in childhood

    Ninety houses on one street

    I was one of the few

    Where it was just

    My mom and me

    It was clearly recognized

    Just a different energy

    Things that

    Were significant for us

    The relationship was based on trust

    The mom had to provide

    Meaning I saw her sporadically

    When she was home

    She was tired

    From all the sacrifices for me

    She would absolutely be there

    For all those trivial things

    From the first house to the last

    Families upon families

    We enjoyed our youth profusely

    Individually everyone had their issues

    But when we were together

    We had no issues

    But everything was different for me

    Because in our crew

    I was the one that had the curfew

    The individual with the single parent home

    Most of the day no one was home

    No one to even get peace from

    Dude was never there

    It was just the challenge

    I’m the only one that says “dad”

    But when I say it

    It has no meaning

    No one responds

    The air swallows it up

    No one gives a fuck

    That’s when the promise started

    I never wanted to be that dude

    Eventually I started labeling others

    Calling them dad because I had none

    Camp counselors, teachers

    Any man I gave a crown to

    Always had men in my family

    But they weren’t always around

    And every man with the same belief

    He’ll be okay eventually

    He’s mom can do more than me

    Signs were evident

    something was wrong in me

    But not those normal

    Red flags you see

    I wasn’t in jail

    Went to every class

    Did exceptionally well

    Teachers viewed me well

    Mom provided everything

    Supporting both of us

    But now that festering of pain

    Always feels like it will erupt

    So accustomed to this feeling

    Dare not disturb the feeling

    Just keep ignoring the signs

    Let them pass with time

  • Focus

    Before focusing on ourself

    Consider what we are projecting

    That our unique ability

    Indicates we are the very best

    Even when there is so much left

    What if true success

    Was letting it all go

    To align spiritually and mentally

    With every other human being

    We focus on the youth

    Desperately wanting them to be the truth

    Ignoring every lie we told

    Somehow expecting more of them

    As if we were not once that old

    Trying to redirect humanity

    Creating a self belief

    That there is real opportunity for peace

    Unwilling to release any device of war

    Remaining focused on desire

    Something that burning desire

    Fueling the path of every insurrection

    Being disingenuous is the new belief

    Manipulation births every gain

    But what if friendship could reign

    The peace of passion held swiftly

    Ignoring that life is temporary

    Fighting for what we will never see

  • Can I get Some Credit

    Can I get Some Credit

    I mean

    Look at all I have done

    You stay on my ass

    But won’t let me pass

    And I am wondering

    What is it?

    What is it that you don’t like?

    Every time I do anything

    You scrunching up your face

    Like I made a mistake

    Just give me that credit

    That shit I deserve

    I don’t need another word

    I mean

    I see the shit you do

    And I’m looking at it

    Like, is that the best you can do

    Maybe that’s why

    You still in my business

    Looking at what I’m doing

    Instead of handling you business

    What keeps you staring at me?

    I would give you credit

    If I could

    But your shit looks awful

    Doubt if I ever would

    I mean

    Is it jealousy

    Do you have a burning desire

    To be able to do

    All the things that I can do

    Is it that deadly sin

    Thinking if you destroy me

    You would be able to replace me

    You are nothing like me

    You standing there claiming

    If you just had more time

    I’m not wasted a dime of credit

    You ain’t shit, I said it.

    I mean

    There are six more sins you could pursue

    You keep on that pride shit

    Mentally I’m aligned with charity

    But you are beyond help

    All of that gluttony

    If you just had the courage

    To humbly have a bit of faith

    Maybe it would be possible

    For that greed dwelling inside you

    Maybe it could find a different place

    I will give you credit for one thing

    You are not anything I want to be

  • Sometimes

    Sometimes

    Sometimes

    Just sitting here

    Just writing it all out

    All the things I should say

    Everything that I was suppose to say

    Just end up here

    Right here

    Just to get it out

    Sometimes

    Emotion captures

    Frustration turns into anger

    Anger gets trapped into complacency

    And just in that moment

    Losing all my sanity

    Differences eluding me

    So I am stuck being me

    Sometimes

    Reminiscing about this

    Missing something dismissed

    Wondering about uncertainty’s privilege

    Stipulation of inevitable changes

    Waiting for the next evolution

    Rotation of the earth

    Endless revolutions

    Sometimes

    The stars see me

    Looking a bit desperately

    Endlessly striving toward possibilities

    Lingering in this crazy mystery

    Lord please bless me

    Trying so hard

    Please hear me

  • Just Different

    Just Different

    Experiencing things Differently

    As if different choices were made

    Imaging the differences as reality

    Now I’m stuck on this fantasy

    What if’s.  And If that’s….

    None of it means a thing

    In reality it’s not better or worse

    It’s just a different path to the same thing

    Going deep into the emotion of different things

    Plotting out new courses with a different ring

    The difference of this emotion is only

    That I’m trying to make it different

    Like trying to only carve out the best

    Like this fantasy wont let me rest

    Repeating my past with different decisions

    Precisely laid out like an incision

    It’s just a different way but the same pain

    Looking at money differently

    Don’t need different banks to exchange pennies

    I am the hedge fund, creating wealth differently

    Money watching money make money

    Different life sure to be

    That different life, different expenses surely

    And in an instant still broke as could be

    But at least I made the money differently

    Pain is soothed by different thoughts

    As if I weren’t in control the first time around

    The different things I would have done

    If and only if I knew what I know now

    Same intelligence doesn’t lead to a different result

    This is the life I have, I could start living or be lost

    Focusing on where I am

    versus where I thought I should be

    The only difference, is the difference I am imagining.

  • Praying

    Praying

    Prayed for rain,

    Now I’m standing in mud

    Really thought I knew what I wanted.

    It was dry and barren.

    Thought I just needed to be caring. 

    Confidently I knew the way

    Now that rain drained my day.

    Praying, for what I want

    Praying, for what I need

    Is praying the answer,

    Or should I just wait patiently?

    Prayed for strength,

    Now I’ve lost my compassion

    Really thought if I could just be stronger,

    I could make it last much longer.

    Tears.

    Heartache. 

    Now it’s gone, but so too is the passion.

    Now I can’t feel anything, just the weight of this strength.

    Praying, for what I want.

    Praying, for what I need.

    Is praying the answer,

    Or should I just wait patiently?

    Prayed and prayed, but I’m still in need. 

    Got every single thing that I’ve prayed for, yet I’m empty. 

    Learn to accept and manage, instead praying for that greener grass.

    It’s all just an illusion, and this too shall pass.

    Praying, for what I want.

    Praying, for what I need.

    Is praying the answer,

    Or should I just wait patiently?

  • Family

    Family

    Faint memories

    Devastated me

    The fallacy of belief

    Holding onto fiction

    Artistically describing

    Each and every interaction

    Remembering Christmas morning

    Thinking we were a family

    Haunted memories

    Seeing who made you

    Each time I thought

    Even for an instance

    The other half of me

    Finally wanted me

    Just an illusion I created

    Wanting family

    Fake Memories

    Created multi parent household

    Lasted until I was 10 years old

    Held me and allowed me to grow

    Didn’t even know

    Parents weren’t suppose to go

    Slowly realized

    The one sided family

    Angered memories

    Woke up realizing

    Single parent household

    Faults amplified

    The rejection taken hold

    Half of what made me

    No longer wanted me

    That’s my family

    Ignored memories

    Siblings visited

    Far off and distant

    Never an embrace

    Barely a hello

    Realized, for the first time

    I was alone

    Abandoned by family

  • Grief

    Grief

    Midst of the grief

    Fighting the belief

    Everything has its place

    So must this pain

    In my face

    Pulling at me

    With every single breath

    Waking with tears

    My own dreams

    Perpetuating fears

    Deep into grief

    Asking questions rhetorically

    Only God can answer me

    Knees bend in pain

    Screaming to remain sane

    Replaying each scene

    Was it meant to be me

    Not accepting this destiny

    Fire keeps growing in me

    Afraid to sleep

    Alone in this grief

    Every grief opening

    Every single time

    I felt this pain

    Appreciating lessons

    Some told remain old

    Expecting something different

    Hard to bear this

    Praying for something

    Not even sure what yet

    Buried in grief

    Flowing through me

    Essence of everything

    Innocence was fleeting

    Unable to protect me

    Envied each day dream

    Thinking I’d be free

    I changed locations

    Escaped reality

    But it never left me

  • Counting Up Missed Opportunities

    Counting Up Missed Opportunities

    Counting up missed opportunities

    Somehow they didn’t become dear to me

    When you were here

    Life was forever

    So there was always another opportunity

    Then the life I was expecting

    Didn’t become reality

    And all those words

    Each thought

    Every dream

    Just turned into a fantasy

    Counting up missed opportunities

    Reflecting on personal interactions

    As if they were just simple transactions

    Debits and credits constantly

    Managing self fulfilling accounts

    Never took into account

    That one day the coffers would be empty

    Hearing the words didn’t scare me

    Just left me empty

    They said you were gone

    But no one said what was wrong

    Counting up missed opportunities

    Convincing myself

    Everything happens for a reason

    Telling myself

    God doesn’t make mistakes

    Looking in the mirror

    Hoping to see strength

    Instead of this reality

    I absolutely want to avoid the ceremony

    I think it’s called paying our last respects

    Instead I turned off everything I had left

    Counting up missed opportunity

    Admitting each mistake I’ve made

    Making vain promises

    That I will never be in this situation again

    Promising to tell everyone I love them

    Promising to make time while they are here

    Promising that nothing material will interfere

    Promising that this pain will end

    Yet I stand over this casket

    Tears breaking through

    Realizing every one of my sins

  • Subtle Breeze

    Subtle Breeze

    Staring into this subtle breeze

    Continuous cloud blocking the burning sun

    Endless sand finally touching my homeland

    Left to wonder, and understand this new summer

    This new summer showing me the past

    Encapsulating every bias I have

    Serenity can only be leased

    Why must I have this break in peace?

    This break in peace

    Pounds a deafening frequency

    Wanting to believe in something

    Not destined for me

    For me the world is too much

    Staggered in analysis causing paralysis

    Yet I will claim

    It’s all in Christ’s name

    In Christ’s name I pray

    If I were a strong as he

    Then I would know what this life really means

    Selfishly believing in a feeling I’ll never know

    I’ll never know what it means

    To sacrifice your own life

    For someone you don’t even know

    Somehow finding an existence in everything I hold dear

    Everything I hold dear

    Held in the chasm of my mind

    Holding every doubt with ease

    Staring into the subtle breeze

  • The Future

    The Future

    I can see into the future

    There are no mics to drop

    Nothing spectacular to convey

    The first lesson you shall learn

    You will not see everyday

    I can see into the future

    Disasters are really triumphs

    They bring life out of death

    Emphasizing what is left

    Yet we only see the theft

    I can see into the future

    The earth spinning on its axis

    Multitude avoiding taxes

    Ignoring the humanity of community

    While wondering, is it me?

    I can see into the future

    The dawn of each day

    With every setting sun

    Someone leaves this place

    Before their work has begun

    I can see into the future

    Dare not share this thought

    Freedom is not free

    Created from destruction

    Ignored in selfish possibility

    I can see into the future

    The caste is set in stone

    Reminisce of illegitimate wealth

    Creating limitations

    That only apply to someone else

    I can see into the future

    The image of Heaven stands

    The North Star of every land

    Keeping mischievous beings in check

    Preventing the evolution of what’s next

  • I don’t know what to do

    I don’t know what to do

    I don’t know what to do

    Everything was happening

    And the happenings

    That just kept happening

    And no one knew what to do

    They thought isolation

    Would somehow help us

    And now I’m left wondering

    Because you are not here

    Instead of staying away

    Thinking I was keeping you safe

    Should I have stayed closer

    To keep you safe

    Now there is nothing left

    Just those memories

    cherishing every moment

    That we had

    Trying my hardest

    Yet I’m still sad.

    I don’t know what to do

    It all happened so fast

    We just spoke last week

    You were a little tired

    But you could still speak

    Then calls were unanswered

    There were no more social media post

    It felt like the world went silent

    Calling around to everyone

    Yet no one heard from you

    The nurse said it wasn’t going well

    There was this eery feeling

    Wondering without information

    Stuck second guessing

    Each piece of sporadic information

    The ventilator was working well

    That’s what we were told

    Nothing to worry about

    Everything would be O.K.

    You weren’t that old

    I don’t know what to do

    The hospital called

    We still cannot see you

    Not even to say our final goodbye

    I pray to God that this isn’t true

    What prayer do I need to pray

    What else can I possibly do

    There is so much life left

    Cannot fathom it’ll be without you

    I’m lost in this moment

    Begging for another moment

    Heart levied with anguish

    Not knowing what to do next

    Everyone is calling everyone else

    How do we move forward

    Recognizing there will be no closure

    The tears flowed swiftly

    Lost every sense of composer

    When they finally told me

    Your life was over

    I don’t know what to do

    Standing here in the open air

    Finding comfort in memories

    Sharing tears openly

    Writing your name clearly

    Speaking your name loudly

    Celebrating every day

    As if you are still here with me

    Closing my eyes

    Just for a moment of peace

    Forever more

    I will eternally say your name

    Smiling momentarily

    Believing holistically

    There is life after this world

    We will be reunited eventually

    Holding each day from now til then

    Burying your earthly shell

    Hoping that somehow

    You will live through me

  • Final Time To Say Farewell

    Final Time To Say Farewell

    Final time to say farewell

    Now I’m supposed to pretend

    That all is well

    Remembering that exact building

    Been there a few times

    Never once for a reason

    That didn’t leave a tear inside

    Final time to say farewell

    Now I’m supposed to believe

    You are in this heavenly place

    And I’ll never see you again

    Until I meet my own fate

    But I’ve done so many wrong things

    It’s just too late

    Final time to say farewell

    Recognizing you cannot see me

    There’s no breath left

    Ignoring the depths of eternity

    Knowing you cannot feel me

    Praying you knew

    Everything you are to me

    Final time to say farewell

    As if you won’t forever exist

    I swear to you

    I will always remember you

    Something this world will never take away

    Digesting your words

    Just seeing your face

    Final time to say farewell

    Wishing I said what needed to be said

    Hoping life won’t end where you lay

    Believing tomorrow brings a new day

    Wanting to know you can REST

    Needing something to believe IN

    Praying for your eternal PEACE

  • Trying to Write it Out

    Trying to Write it Out

    If I could write out everything,

    Maybe it would be something new to sing.  

    The stories of the past weigh on me.

    Never found anyone to share with me. 

    Everyone wants me to solve their problems,

    But what do I do about my problems.

    Trying to write it out. 

    The pain. 

    Lost dreams. 

    Unfulfilled hope. 

    Small things. 

    Embarrassed for you to know,

    Everything I do is not in control. 

    A lot of gut reactions,

    Just so happens to turn out right for someone else. 

    But for me, the gut reactions don’t work. 

    Just endure day to day.  

    Trying to write it out. 

    The pain. 

    Lost dreams. 

    Unfulfilled hope. 

    Small things. 

    Never had a good day in my life. 

    Moments of smiles since I was a child. 

    People promising fake beliefs,

    The disappointment turned me really mean. 

    Now I cannot believe what people say. 

    People just say shit to get you out the way. 

    Trying to write it out. 

    The pain. 

    Lost dreams. 

    Unfulfilled hope. 

    Small things. 

    Cannot spend my whole life in complaints. 

    So I just keep the train moving,

    Pretending day to day.

    Making people believe everything is O.K..

    Then I noticed ,

    People just accept what they want to believe.

    And what’s really going on will remain unseen.

    Trying to write it out. 

    The pain. 

    Lost dreams. 

    Unfulfilled hope. 

    Small things. 

  • Just Writing

    Just Writing

    Just Writing

    Putting words down

    Nothing else works

    Only way to get these words out

    Let these feelings feel the air

    Get these feelings out of my nonexistent hair

    Getting word indigestion

    Pepto Bismal ain’t working

    Gotta make these words start working

    If I keep them in any longer

    Festering may make them stronger

    Then my outward action

    Would reflect my inward frustration

    Just Writing

    The endless feeling of WTF in my space

    Needing peace.

    Not in these streets.

    In my soul

    Got me feeling real real old.

    Starting out I grew up spoiled

    Far from rough and rugged

    More like educationally stimulated

    I never waited for anything I wanted in life

    My attitude is Atomic for the rest of my life

    Fuck 0-100. 

    I’m at 100. 

    Stay at 100. 

    Live at 100

    Why would I ever stop this flow

    Just Writing

    Ain’t no reason to regret where I go

    Everything I do

    Everything I see

    Something new to learn

    Something more I can be

    I specifically focus on the better me

    Trying to catch that dude

    No matter where he may be

    I’m not looking

    I’m on the hunt. 

    Stalking the future me…

    Just Writing

    I’m  hungry

    I need more than what I was supposed to be

    If I had more energy my body would levitate

    Don’t need to live forever

    I need to be forever

    I meed my children’s kids’ great great Grand children

    To hear my voice at critical points in their life

    Need them to know

    I’ll never know them

    But I’ll love them with my whole life

    The pain and tragedy of my current life

    More like seeds being planted

    More like the deep darkness of the earth’s riches. 

    Just Writing

    Struggling to breathe

    But surrounded by nutrients that build me up

    Absorbing all these different things

    Just to make me appear tough

    If you think talking to me about big shit

    That will somehow make me

    Stop working on my own shit

    You couldn’t influence me with trillions in riches

    I’m not him.

    The soul I have is not for sale 

    You can’t burn me with them bum bitches.

    I’m only loyal to what I know is real.

    Just Writing

    Either you here for me. 

    Or you not. 

    Ain’t no in-between. 

    Ain’t no. 

    Maybe later. 

    Ain’t nothing else besides we rocking till the last breath.

    If those ain’t your words.

    I don’t fuck with you.

    Just Writing 

    Nothing new going on in my head. 

    Just getting out this old shit

    Can’t take it with me when I’m dead.  

    There is something for real

    About that glass being half full. 

    You can only get about one half more

    Before you are really full. 

    So I’m going for empty

    Dumping it all out

    On steps and i’m a slinky. 

    Dumping it all out

    Whether you are with me

    And even if you are against me

    All this potential energy

    It stays fucking up my  synergy

    So today converting it kinetically

    Into something that has longevity.

    Talking but I ain’t talking about shit. 

    Just purging out last year so this year will fit.

    Just Writing

    I’m on some delete all that bullshit.

    SELECT * and deleted that shit. 

    That recycle bin just wants me

    To keep hold of the old me

    Trying to convince me

    That the old can become new 

    But I’m telling you

    What matters can be destroyed

    And something new is created

    Every single time I make some noise

    A new opportunity can materialize

    But I don’t get hypnotized. 

    It’s just one of the many things that I do really really well. 

    If you cannot tell I can even write well.  

    Just Writing

    Wake up wondering

    Wondering around waiting

    Looking in the past with my hourglass

    Counting each drop of sand in my hand

    Remembering each grain

    In the sand of time

    Now it’s my time

    The right time

    Creating sands of time

    No need to flip it over

    I’ve got more coming

    I make my own sand

    Even while I’m wasting

    That last bit of sand

    From the sand man.

  • Alone For So Long

    Alone For So Long

    Surrounded by breathing things and 100 things to do.  everything strange, no one is real.  In my own space,  thoughts here, serene emptiness.

    Alone for So long.

    Spinning endlessly around this sun, thinking about the first day I saw my son. Planting new seeds with old pain each generation thrown to death. 

    Alone for So long. 

    Systemically enslaved.  Mentally starving for the potential I so eloquently locked away.  Wanting that Cosby Show life, deep rooted emotional pain. 

    Alone for So long.

    Socially inept.  Leading or a shadow stuck between.  No interest in just being seen. I don’t know society.  Don’t know people. I know alone.  

    Alone for So long.

  • Chasing

    Chasing

    Chasing, endlessly pursuing

    Wanting elusive things aloft beings

    Experiences unmet

    Energy spent wanting

    Chasing, constantly waiting

    Hoping for a different outcome

    Feelings damaged

    Faith diminished

    Chasing, patiently seeing

    Living a tumultuous fantasy

    Life wasting

    Laugh gone

    Chasing, new reality

    Looking, new paths revealed

    Patiently waiting

    Pleasing satisfaction

  • That Piece

    That Piece

    Calling a name I don’t know

    To do some things I’ve never seen

    Going to go places I’ve never been

    Just to see your face

    Be present in your space

    That piece of serenity

    Calling this peace into existence

    Not even sure what I am missing

    Persevering through every obstacle

    The world is simple and cruel

    Masked by this innocence

    That piece of persistence

    Calling and screaming to be heard

    Fantasy controlling reality

    Nothing decent within me

    Aggressively deceitfully being me

    Subtly orchestrating inevitably

    That piece of hypocrisy

    Calling for assistance

    Realizing I cannot handle this

    Monumentally too much for me

    Devastated no one responded to me

    The realization of independence

    That piece of creative license

  • Releasing

    Releasing

    Releasing every thought

    Each perspective

    All ideas that contain

    All the limitations I have every experienced

    The thoughts that prevent progression

    The idea that is now a nightmare

    Releasing it all in the crisp cool air

    Releasing every pain

    Thorn of thoughts

    Piercing the flesh of forgiveness

    Debilitating fruits of labor

    Void of thought, is what I savor

    Enabling the strength to succeed

    That’s all I really need

    Releasing every history

    Today is a new thing

    Intentionally filling it with new dreams

    Building ideas, concepts, pure energy

    Interlocking joy with jeopardy

    Risking it all on everything

    Just to hear the birds sing

    Releasing every goal

    Built things on things that were old

    Expecting something new seems bold

    Sacrificing the intimate stories told

    From now on, leave the past alone

    Investing in what I can call my own

    Free to be alone

  • Perspective

    Perspective

    Confined in frustration

    Institutionalized in speculation

    Blinded justice

    It’s not just us

    Ingrained in the earth

    Lost at birth

    Intentionally marginalized

    Don’t be surprised

    Accepting the fact

    Disarray is packed

    Shocked to attacked

    Frustrating circumstances

    Void of chances

    Rolling dice after dice

    Avoiding random advice

    Controlled by every vice

    Digging into every chasm

    Longing for every spasm

    Anything to feel a feeling

    Long past my last cause

    Cause death seems appealing

    I’ll never reach that glass ceiling

    Circumventing regulation

    Doing anything out of desperation

    Grinding through exhilaration

    Maintaining this station

    Pretending every dream comes true

    As if every prayer is for you

    The dramatic scene is serene

    Looking and looking, looking so mean

    It’s the reality of what it seems

    Knowing that you know

    But what does it mean

    Rejecting the endless fantasy

    Avoiding life loans

    Loving instead of dreaming

    Doing over sleeping

    Driving into the mystery

    Seeking each void of humanity

    Building an infinite memory

    Ending each regret

    Taking every bet

    Leaving nothing to be desired

    Fueling this fire

  • I don’t want to be here

    I don’t want to be here

    I don’t want to be here

    I don’t want to be anywhere

    Anywhere that is required Of me

    It never lets me just be me

    Let me exist in the shadow

    Periodically wanting me to interject

    As if I’ve always been here

    I don’t want to be here

    Don’t want any sense of responsibility

    Don’t want any bill to call upon me

    Don’t want to be dependent upon

    Just want to breathe every day until the sun is gone

    Just want to breathe every day under moonlight

    Seeing waves caress my blight

    I don’t want to be here

    Where people say hello before my name

    Where there’s an expectation that I do the same

    Where everyday is not really for me

    Cause someone somewhere needs me

    Wanting me to do what they wouldn’t do for me

    I don’t want to be here

    Staring in the air mindlessly

    But always on call in a minute

    Waiting a call, text some type of message

    When my cycle of existence

    Is based on someone else’s persistence

  • Pain And Me

    Pain And Me

    Pain is eating me

    Like it’s feeding me

    Becoming my only source

    Calling it my energy

    Absorbing it

    Like I am a part of it

    I am what I am

    Pain is what it is

    We are my mom’s only kids

    Been riding it out

    Shout it out

    In the midst of misery

    It’s just pain and me

    There ain’t nothing real

    It’s just how I feel

    Between paper lines

    Writing out each thought of mine

    Hoping with expectation

    One day there’ll be a celebration

    The real issue

    So close to desperation

    Mind and body

    Total separation

    Slowly and surely everything

    That’s happening

    It’s just pain and me

    What does it mean

    When you look to stars

    Nothing to be seen

    No inspiration to gleam

    Can’t see past the hand in front of you

    Can’t get past

    The first two steps

    All you can do is that 1-2, 1-2

    Accepting that this life in me

    Breeds every misery

    Incubating something new

    Reminding me about me

    It’s just pain and me

    How does it feel

    When the sun has no appeal

    The moon’s light ain’t never right

    Deeply inhaling but

    Never getting fresh air

    Taste buds ain’t tasting

    Smelling something stale

    Skin feeling itchy and pale

    Closing down internally

    To every external stimulus

    The greed in me longing for peace

    Yet reality only sees me

    It’s just pain and me

  • Final Goodbye

    Final Goodbye

    This is my last time

    Saying that final goodbye

    Let God wipe the tear from my eye

    This is my last time

    Never will I feel this way

    Nothing else to say

    Never been like this before

    Thought I wanted something more and more

    Now things are crazy

    I don’t even exist

    Just a shadow of me

    Walking through the door

    Not a care in this world

    Thinking I’m not alone

    That’s the biggest curse

    Wanting to believe it must be me

    Why else does guilt keep grabbing me

    The more and More I push

    The more and more I realize

    And I still act surprised

    When I finally see

    And ain’t a us, just a me

    This is my last time

    Saying that final goodbye

    Let God wipe the tear from my eye

    This is my last time

    Never will I feel this way

    Nothing else to say

    Leaving phones unanswered

    Have no desire to speak

    Becomes more and more difficult

    Pretending I’m weak

    As the wind blows

    I can feel every bit of the past

    Just never imagined that pain would last

    As the river flows

    Everything is washed away

    Nothing else to even do

    Just awaiting judgement day

    Have no expectations of open gates

    The subtlety of each and every crime

    Beyond what they eye could see

    But God always saw me

    That wrath will be upon me

    This is my last time

    Saying that final goodbye

    Let God wipe the tear from my eye

    This is my last time

    Never will I feel this way

    Nothing else to say

    Watching out for anything new

    Happiness is just a myth

    Just hard to be so serious

    Holding onto this pain

    It just reminds me of things

    Not sure how I get through

    Every 24th hour

    Just brings me compounded pain

    If I could really smile

    Wonder what that would be like

    Really laughing out of joy not spite

    Really seeing something new

    Having that anxiety of love anew

    Something always happens

    Manifested lies and behavior

    Just Tired of being my own savior

    This is my last time

    Saying that final goodbye

    Let God wipe the tear from my eye

    This is my last time

    Never will I feel this way

    Nothing else to say

  • Anyone … Besides Me

    Anyone … Besides Me

    Keep looking around

    Waiting on someone else

    Need someone to step up

    Can’t depend on anyone else

    All these problems we facing

    Where are the leaders

    Where are the entertainers

    Need someone to do something

    Anyone…

    Besides me

    Keep looking around

    Looking in disbelief

    Especially riding through Philly

    Old school barely a school

    Even had a jail at the school

    Reaching out to administration

    Demanding explanations

    They need someone to change this

    Anyone…

    Besides me

    Keep looking around

    Seeing the same problems

    They the same they’ve always been

    Derivatives of slave masters’ sins

    Even with education and intellect

    Still have their name

    On my seeds neck

    Someone must stand up

    Anyone…

    Besides me

    Keep looking around

    Wondering what this is about

    Nothing is changed

    It’s all the same with a different name

    Watching the cycle like a re-run

    Knowing if it gets too out of hand

    Lil ol’ shotty bouncing on a man

    This is just too much, someone help us

    Anyone….

    Besides me

  • Would You Still Believe?

    Would You Still Believe?

    Would you still believe

    Just for a moment in time

    If we could join in mind

    At an impossible perspective

    If things weren’t considered

    So sacrilegious

    What if it weren’t true

    Would you change what you do?

    Would you still believe

    If although blood fall to the ground

    If that torture rack didn’t end that life

    If there were no EKGs to verify a thing

    As soon as the crowd dispersed

    Released those nails in victory

    What if you can live after that

    Would you change what you do?

    Would you still believe

    If at that time people were buried alive

    And the reason for not “burying” is that

    Breath still breathes under blood and grief

    And that security wasn’t like today

    No one really monitored the same way

    What if it were already opened and victory escaped

    Would you change what you do?

    Would you still believe

    If you knew he knew it too

    And he would have to endure punishment

    Endlessly and have faith to see it through

    Lash, after lash, no man hath endured

    Expecting salvation for generations yet to come

    What if it were you

    What it change what you do?

    Would you still believe

    If what hides in mystery

    An entire city was built

    To protect a single belief

    That a person can transcend yet live eternally

    Worship continually under an exaggerated belief

    What if there was another way

    What it change what you do?

    Would you still believe

    After seeing all the years past

    Witnessed his name used out of context

    To murder, ridicule, and prevent evolution

    Slowing down the human progress

    For a tithe, a prayer or less

    What if you could speak to God directly

    What it change what you do?

  • Foundation

    Foundation

    Foundation is cracked

    Repairs have been attempted

    But like any infrastructure

    Built on the wrong premise

    Only way to fix it is destroy it

    The impossibility of resurrection

    Is the only thing that kept me

    From just hitting reset

    If I could just start all over again

    The things I’d do differently

    Or not even start at all

    If I had a conscience at that point

    Avoid that egg

    Give it my all

    Foundation wasn’t nurtured

    Many a craftsman

    Observing the damage

    Understanding the weeds

    Strangling the fruit

    Until it’s unraveled

    Planted and nurtured

    But would without question

    That craftsman would turn and walk away

    Thinking at least the garden is clean

    Unknowingly creating another crack

    Nothing changed really

    Just lost a bit of confidence actually

    Knowing that look that is given

    No time to correct it, just accept it

    Foundation had some blemishes

    Like having a beautiful painting

    That leaves no image

    Everyone creating in their own mind

    The true meaning of it

    Seeing obsolescence easily

    Yet walking away so freely

    As if they weren’t the architect

    Not theirs to repair

    Just as easy to neglect

    Motherhood is a feeling

    Fatherhood is a choice

    Was never chosen for so long

    Lost my voice

    Foundation weakened

    Bridge stay ready to collapse

    Indeterminate frequency

    Sent crashing to my knees

    Could be the smallest of things

    Child’s poor performance in school

    Major catastrophes

    Even a car accident

    And I am releasing everything

    I can no longer hold it in

    And the crumbling

    The holes open wider

    Slowly without cessation

    Causing morally degradation

    Foundation strengthened

    Through periodic episodes

    When peers see me at my worst

    They elicit in me the best in me

    Purple skies we discuss

    Until the early hours

    When the golden rays

    They light the way

    Remembering I got this far

    Battered torn and all

    Fault lines that have made some fall

    Still here aiding in the mission

    No time to wallow in regret

    Head high to the finish

  • Philosophically

    Philosophically

    Retrospectively

    No need for envy

    I’m accepted by me

    Use No like I breathe

    On my own time

    Spending my own dime

    Eliminating debt as I breathe

    Introspectively

    Contemplated chasing money

    And money attracts honey

    And honey attracts envy

    Pulling down your image

    No longer fighting for life

    Lawyers protecting your image

    Unexpectedly

    The human being made for simple things

    Only one purpose to cultivate the land

    Migrate endlessly regulating weaker things

    Greed converted freedom into a commodity

    We no longer wanted what we collectively had

    Desired our own possession lost human lesson

    Reality

    Every being has its time

    Earth is our god

    In her, we will find our eternal peace

    Eternal rest

    The Human will be destroyed

    By the very thing we were meant to protect

  • It’s Something

    It’s Something

    It’s something about this movie

    I remember it from the movies

    Filled me with emotion

    As if I was in the movie, first person

    I quote lines as if they are mine

    Like I speak to people using the script

    And if they don’t respond in kind

    I walk away, like fuck this shit.

    It’s something about this song

    When it comes on I stop what I’m doing

    Always need to close my eyes

    Consistently I need to smile

    As I count in that beat

    And I start singing in harmony

    Cannot remember a day without its memory

    This song is a part of me

    It’s something about this block

    When things ain’t right it is my anchor

    Don’t even know who’s there anymore

    There are new trees and a breeze

    But M-Block still feels like home

    All that sweat I dripped on that street

    All the blood from falling on that street

    All the tears from taking a loss on that street

    It’s something about being wrong

    When it hits you with regret

    And you ain’t even sad yet

    And the feeling of “damn” is in you

    Realizing pain will never miss you

    And all you have is an apology to offer

    And you’ve wronged for so long

    An apology ain’t enough any longer

  • Somethings

    Somethings

    Somethings are like yesterday

    Somethings so far away

    I can remember every crime

    That I did

    Even Past the statute of limitation

    It’s still about discretion

     

    Somethings are like yesterday

    Somethings so far away

    Still have strangers approaching me

    Reminding me of things they seen

    Couldn’t remember them

    On my best day

    But I apologized anyway

     

    Somethings are like yesterday

    Somethings so far away

    I can remember every cry

    Like an endless release

    Only two were joy

    Only with hindsight, still learning

    To appreciate every pain

     

    Somethings are like yesterday

    Somethings so far away

    Had a lot of lust

    Seldom had love

    Although I would say it

    Didn’t always mean it

    Depends on who was receiving it

     

    Somethings are like yesterday

    Somethings so far away

    Have to slow down and really think

    If there was one thing

    That I would do again

    Replace all that lust with real friends.

  • Life … Just Flowing By

    Life … Just Flowing By

    Life just flowing by

    The Earth is self healing

    While the plague

    Hides in quarantine

    Afraid of what it means

     

    Life just flowing by

    And we all pretend

    It wasn’t all organized

    Natural selection

    Isn’t this subjective

     

    Life just flowing by

    Yet I’m left wondering

    What are we really missing

    Hunters and gatherers

    Far from their intended purpose

     

    Life just flowing by

    Never so much emptiness

    With the vacant sky

    Void of Human sounds

    Peace is all around

     

    Life just flowing by

    It’s hard to understand why

    Mentally limited

    Without any external stimulant

    Tired of being stuck so deep in it

  • 6th Sense

    6th Sense

    Just now understood the 6th sense

    Everything just started making sense

    Seeing life with a fictional lens

    Non-Fiction don’t always end driving the Ghost

    Living in my fantasy life

    Kept thinking happiness existed with a wife

    Wanted to believe in mystical things

    Thought prayer and hope led to beautiful things

    The sense of the 6th degree

    Woke me up to the reality

    People going to be who they are

    Don’t believe in people’s words shit don’t go far

    It’s a blessing to wake up from the dream

    Tired of the tears hiding the scream

    Seeing life in a new direction a stronger focus

    Knowing what’s important without emotion.

    That 6th sense was the answer so it seems

    Remembering the past as a stranger

    Things I thought, I know I didn’t really see

    I just imagined shit that would never be

    Eyes wide open the truth hurt

    No one to blame that’s the shit that really hurt

    Looking in the mirror, like is you insane?

    Purposely hurting yourself like you don’t know your own name. 

  • All Wrong

    All Wrong

    Expecting the wrong things

    Going down the wrong roads

    Wondering wrong thoughts

    Lost on wrong paths

    Or So it seems




    Seeing wrong visions

    Having the wrong dreams

    Absorbing the wrong nourishment.

    Believing in the wrong light

    Or So it seems




    Hoping for the wrong future

    Knowing the wrong individuals

    Hearing the wrong songs

    Driving to the wrong destinations

    Or So it seems




    Choosing the wrong interactions

    Focused on the wrong goals

    Rejuvenating in the wrong fuel

    Dumping in the wrong pool

    Or so it seems




    Grinding on the wrong work

    Saving the wrong people

    Sacrificing the wrong time

    Believed in the wrong soul

    Or So it seems