Sy Bryant

Tag: Fatherless

  • That Is Life

    That Is Life

    Eyes are focused on the door

    Expecting to hear footsteps

    Left in a dismal space

    Never know what’s next

    Endlessly expecting

    Something different

    Imagination controlling

    Every breath

    Ears focused on the meaning

    Each and every sound

    Believing what is said

    Keeps me above ground

    Words differing

    From action’s reactions

    Left with nothing

    Life’s satisfaction

    Nose controlled by that aroma

    Breathing deeply

    Not willing to admit

    What’s wrong with me

    Revolution of imperfection

    Paralyzed by reflections

    What’s left in me

    These sins are deadly

    Mind racing to end this

    No one would ever

    Even believe this

    Captivated desires

    Prioritized evil fires

    Climbing into abyss

    Looking back

    Damn I missed

  • All This Pain

    All This Pain

    All this pain

    Stirring in me

    People everywhere

    Feeling So Empty

    Joy please find me

    Wide awake

    New day’s sun

    through this window

    Barely touching me

    laying here in misery

    Trying not to move

    Somber mood

    everything is ok

    What I’ve learned to say

    Tired of talking

    Been thinking

    Yeah I know what’s wrong

    Love got me blinded

    Can’t you see, It’s me

    All this pain

    Stirring in me

    People everywhere

    Feeling So Empty

    Joy please find me

    Phone vibrating

    Been turned the ringer off

    Know who it is

    know what they want

    Ain’t even worth the effort

    To pick up the phone

    just want to be alone

    Everyone think they can fix me

    But I know they can’t fix it

    Cause I’m that one

    That fix their shit

    Counting out each day

    That I’ve felt this way

    Deepened hopeless mood

    Yeah been kinda rude

    Just not in the mood

    All this pain

    Stirring in me

    People everywhere

    Feeling So Empty

    Joy please find me

    Knocks at my door

    Yelling who is it

    Delivery especially for me

    Probably another bill

    Too many to count

    To know for sure

    Special box for me

    Opened with energy

    Just a note for me

    Tears for my eyeS

    Old notes from

    My Father

    Miss him everyday

    Since he past

    Reading the proudness

    Giving me hopefulness

    All this pain

    Stirring in me

    People everywhere

    Feeling So Empty

    Joy please find me

    Need my ladder out

    Climbing out of here

    Breaking down

    Walls of emotion

    Initiating devotion

    New plan developing

    Open up this window

    Fresh air welcoming

    Getting new point of view

    Pain in the rear view

    Eyes focused on the future

    Wounds finally closing

    faith is a suture

    Optimistically looking

    The joy life caused me

    Strength resurrected within me

    All this pain

    It is me

    All this joy

    It is me

    All this pain

    All this joy

    This pain

    This joy

  • To me

    To me

    Swear God be talking to me

    Showing me little things

    Seeing it in big ways

    Every single opportunity

    I know it’s all God’s way

    Humbly I ask constantly

    For more strength

    When I know

    There is nothing in me

    And I become hesitant

    Swear God be talking to me

    Just in everything I do

    Feeling outside energy

    Straight through me

    Gaining spiritual

    Remnant of the beginning

    First humans just being

    Accepting every learning

    As if I’m their meaning

    And all those lives was for a meaning

    Swear God be talking to me

    Granting every dream

    Before I even wish for it

    Answer each prayer

    As if I deserve any of it

    Gratefully accepting it

    I stopped asking why me

    Learning to let God do for me

    And I’m believing in

    Every bit of God’s energy

    Swear God be talking to me

    Left foot, right foot

    Keep walking steady

    As long as I follow orders

    I’ll have heaven for an eternity

    Patiently walking circumstantially

    Never doubting the path

    Laid out right before me

    Everything is left for me

    Bowing to that God in me

  • This New Day

    This New Day

    Opening my eyes to this new day

    Same ol dark ways

    See life from a different view

    Based on the things I been through

    Was never taught

    To worship Santa Clause

    I was taught to be Chris Kringle

    Be the Peace and the Joy

    That everyone is into

    Opening the curtains to this new day

    Everything still in its own way

    Beauty of every single thing

    The greenness of life

    The blooming flowers

    Right in front of me

    Humbled by every mercy

    Even when I’m down on my knees

    The spirit swells inside of me

    Opening the door to this new day

    Songs repetitively repeating for me

    Warmth warming  me

    Brightness shining for me

    Invisible feeling passed by me

    Hard to be egotistical

    Hard to stay humble

    When all this opportunity

    Right in front of me

    Realizing the realness of this new day

    It never has to end

    It’s meant to exist perpetually

    Without hesitation

    Counting down to the last

    Aggressively pursuing

    Each and every moment

    Cause at any moment

    It’ll be th…..

  • One Day

    One Day

    One day, there will be a day for me. 

    This day, I won’t be subject to false totality.

    This day, time is created for my own selfish pleasures.

    This day, I will be so high no one can see.

    This day, surrounded by beautiful warm waters of the sea.

    One day, there will be a day for me.

    This day, no one will ask me for a thing.

    This day, the world will be at my beckoning.

    This day, time will have no bound

    This day, I can only hear beautiful sound

    One day, there will be a day for me.

    This day, I could walk on beaches endlessly.

    This day, my appetite is quenched

    This day, my mind is free

    This day, is just for me.

  • Stressing

    Stressing

    Stressing…
    Watching that HR spike
    Troubling relaxing
    Anxiety counteracting
    Breathing kinda altered
    Manifestation of procrastination
    Fearfully fearing
    What blood test revealing

    Stressing…
    Walking every street alone
    And it gets worse
    As soon as I get home
    The emptiness
    Grabbing my very soul
    Yet I don’t know
    What life has yet to behold

    Stressing….
    For the sake of it all
    For everyone else
    I give my all
    Creating new things
    Out of no things
    For the chance
    For that championship ring

  • People Dying Everyday

    People Dying Everyday

    People dying everyday
    Immune to it
    The tune of it
    X numbered died
    In a fiery blaze
    Rescuers prevented access
    Too strong of a blaze
    It is nothing
    Not any emotion
    Human or celebrity
    Never bothered me
    In any way
    Until this day

    People dying everyday
    I’m watching it happen
    Bored with murder
    As if I was napping
    Experiencing it from a distant
    Every so often
    It’s something reminiscent
    That person so close to me
    We created a memory
    And when it hits you
    That last memory
    That’s all you got
    Slowly realizing
    With every breath of pain
    Not another moment of time
    No need to say what’s up
    Time is up

    People dying everyday
    It’s the only guarantee of life
    For every breath that breathes
    Eventually, they will stop
    Struggling to rationalize
    Why is this one new
    Didn’t even know you
    Only heard of you
    Friend of a friends friends friend
    Six degrees removed
    Only noticed through the news
    Something wasn’t right
    Just need another chance
    If you could just reverse this
    Please answer this prayer
    That somehow
    For my own children
    I’ll always be there

  • Comfort

    Comfort

    Comfort in repetition

    Signs of deeper trouble

    Repeating repetitively

    As if something easy

    Do not have to worry

    About things with new meaning

    Comfort in tradition

    Hides everything in everyone

    Doing the same things

    We are all accustomed from

    Pain is overshadowed

    Hidden in costumes

    Comfort in holidays

    Instead of the present

    Reminder of better days

    Evident in the daily ways

    Application of statistics

    Systemic anomalies

    Comfort in history

    Accepting the burdens of reality

    Recognizing you left

    As someone left you

    Yet you were unwilling to stop

    What was done to you

    Comfort in ignorance

    I do not even know you

    After circling the sun for decades

    Your name is an illusion

    Your existence embodies confusion

    Never understand why you created me

  • Misunderstanding

    Misunderstanding

    Never understood anything you did

    There are times I wanted to understand

    The education that you gave

    Conquering the body and emotion

    With fierce devotion

    Never heard a word of love

    Just a Hey periodically

    Never a call or even a visit

    Just now

    Trying to figure out what I was missing

    Definitely remember

    The few interactions

    Weighed heavy enough

    Never wanted to get any closer

    Extremely comfortable with closure

    Driving 80 miles per hour

    Sharp curves

    Gliding graciously

    Because no point in driving

    If you are doing it soberly

    Fairly ambiguous about many things

    There was so many times

    That your name didn’t mean a thing

    Just a joke of sorts

    As the pipe was lit

    All I really recall was that first hit

    It didn’t sting, it burned, lash of that belt

    Because of the effort you gave

    Just another bit of abuse

    From a man that knew me from the very beginning

    Even when I knew

    You were leaving the earth

    There was nothing left to experience

    Nothing new for us to review

    Just heard about it in passing

    Do not remember sheading a tear

    Ashes stored in a closet, like trash on a shelf

    Knowing that you would no longer be here

    It was in that moment that I truly learned

    The value of life on this earth

  • First

    First


    First month of the year
    Barely finished last year
    Just watched time tick away
    Pretending I’m new today
    Like I won’t go home the same way

    First day of the month
    Frost in every window
    Cold settled in
    Wind knocking on the door
    Every time the wind blows

    First hour of the day
    Trying to end yesterday
    Sleep keeps evading me
    Changing the past
    Into what if fantasies

    First minute of the hour
    Something about seeing those zeros
    Always gives me power
    Optimistically what does this mean to me
    Feeling so desperately

    First second of the minute
    What should I do
    Counting down to inevitability
    Why do we act so pleasantly
    Feeling pain leave slowly

  • Screaming

    Screaming

    Screaming for attention
    Asking if I desperately need it
    Just believe I’m suppose to have it
    Ain’t that what my life is after
    Doing different things
    At different times
    Expecting one day
    Everything will be fine

    Screaming for perspective
    Questioning why I cannot see it
    As if I’m suppose to have it
    Spinning on this circular plane
    Slowly aging yet the world is the same
    With each day I stay calling your name
    Do you even remember mine
    From the last time

    Screaming for sanity
    Wondering why people after me
    As if I’m not suppose to be happy
    Like every time I climb out
    Someone pushing me back over
    Hand extended for you to come closer
    Together is the only way it will work
    But you too busy with work

    Screaming for love
    Examining why things are like this
    Opening the window
    Enjoying how the wind blows
    Fresh air won’t correct this feeling
    Leaves moving so freely
    Feeling trapped in repeatedly
    Is this life for me

  • Child Is Born

    Child Is Born

    Since I realized I was alone

    Since I realized he was never coming home

    Accepting the loss within me

    Learning everything independently

    There were always others around me

    But none of them looked like me

    Inherited love in a different feeling

    Embedded in the concept of creation

    Complicated in that new beginning

    Proudly smiling at the planted seed

    The proud excitement of something new

    Always had that with you

    Wrote down every promise

    Each and every action I pledged to keep

    Looking retrospectively

    Mirror gave me all that I need

    Every gap and hole in me

    Providing you every opportunity

    That day finally arrived

    Wish I could have captured

    That tear from my eye

    That love anew

    Never knew love

    Like I knew it with you

    Instantly the history

    Enabled to hold me down

    Released the negativity

    Witness this crown

    Life now sworn

    A child is born

  • Self-Reflect

    Self-Reflect

    It’s hard not to self reflect

    Based on where I am today

    Deepened into curiosity

    Of each choice that I made

    Trying to alleviate myself

    The doubt and pain

    Consistently leveraged

    To bury myself

    Self reflection

    More than a mirror will ever show

    Rewinding for a moment

    Specific situations

    Even a few examinations

    Trying to fathom the impossible

    That I rewrite history

    Curse of an unconquerable soul

    Reflecting on my past self

    Circumventing each time

    I did the right thing

    In the right time

    Because I negatively

    Don’t want to be me

    So I constantly re-evaluate

    How I came to be

    Perpetrating my own reflection

    Applying filters readily

    Unknowingly maintaining

    That morbid view of reality

    Neglecting the higher calling

    Of why I am the way I am

    Ungrateful in my own satisfaction

    Just a passenger in the inception

    Reflection retrospectively

    The numerous assurance

    I offered in individuals pursuits

    Believing they are happy,

    Enjoying every bit of life and liberty

    Cause those fantasies ain’t for me

    Created realistic fantasies

    That conspired and paralyzed me

  • Growing Up

    Growing Up


    Growing up
    I thought love was forever
    Remembering every image
    It’s like, embedded in me
    Now I’m left wondering
    Feeling so empty
    Was it all an illusion
    Crazy ideology
    Cause I’ve never thought
    It was all within me

    Growing up
    I thought happiness was a place
    Everything we did had a place
    As time keeps moving
    Feel like I’m losing my place
    Stuck in a place
    Where I have lost my pace
    So I quietly assume
    That we in the same place
    So I already lost the race

    Growing up
    Consumed in things
    I could never really fathom
    Luxurious items
    Thought I needed to have them
    Ended those dreams
    Cause they weren’t worth a thing
    Striving for materialism
    But that don’t mean a thing
    Staying focused nothing

    Growing up
    Caused me all kind of grief
    Kept believing in people
    That could care less about me
    Reaching levels of anxiety
    Everything felt real
    But it was all just a dream
    Losing my insight
    Let the truth behold me
    Deepest energy

  • Trusted You

    Trusted You

    Realizing that people leave

    Counting the leavers

    Really surprising

    Unrecognizable arrivals

    Creating fake families

    Believing everyone

    Is loving everyone

    Latching onto

    Familiar surroundings

    Create environments

    Where trust is digested

    Completely accepted

    Realizing that people are cruel

    Animalistic natural evolves us

    Yet never leaves us

    We selfishly elate in individuality

    Seeing differences seems normal

    Watching individuals become immoral

    Enabling the self centered being

    Become the only thing that matters

    Ignoring the existence of other being

    Gratification The highest pursuit

    Hate everything about you

    Overtly enabling the deadly sins

    Pressed into silence

    Surprisingly ignored it

    Didn’t know the intricacy

    Challenging to explain things

    Just realized my explanation

    Didn’t really work

    I mean the realness wasn’t received

    How important is language

    Context changes every meaning

    Suddenly the loneliness

    The experience rebirth in me

    Seeking solace desperately

    Burden is heavily applied

    Tears from years of the same cry

    Built the foundation internally

    Most significant item

    The only thing I hold onto

    Holding this relentlessly

    Trust no one completely

  • Love of Pain

    Love of Pain

    The pain

    It is so routine

    When it flickers a bit

    Dissolved in an instant

    What does it mean?

    Held it closely

    Personally guarded secret

    Smiling easily

    Behind closed doors

    Feeding the beast

    Waking up in laughter

    Strangely irrelevant

    Searching for the pain

    I do readily accepted

    Now I’m left indebted

    Opening curtains

    Feeling the morning gaze

    Mind is unlimited

    Seeing the new day

    Anchors aweigh

    The shadow lures me

    The comfort of darkness

    No witnesses to witness

    The marvelous emotion

    That love of pain

  • Then & Now

    Then & Now

    THEN…

    I would hold onto everything

    Analyze this until I paralyzed this

    Seeking a conclusion

    Before moving toward a solution

    Endless internal debate

    Stayed being late.

    NOW…

    I let it all go

    Let it flow right through me

    I don’t even filter a thing

    Let it all go through

    Now I’m hearing

    A new you

    THEN…

    I was trying to prove something

    Looking for a chance to do something

    Eagerly pursuing titles

    Climbing for a different caste

    Constantly reminded of reality

    Landed right on my ass

    NOW…

    I move like the wind blows

    Filling in where I needed

    I’m never impeded

    Riding out suggestions

    As if they are manifestations

    Relaxed in elevation

    THEN…

    I had an expectation of others

    Timely adhering to their word

    Keeping commitments sincere

    Holding onto everything I hold dear

    Disappointingly responses from me

    Toward someone not wanting to be me

    NOW…

    I don’t know you nor need to

    I stay focused on me

    And everything that I choose to be

    Believing in inevitably of serenity

    Avoiding happy and sad moments

    To remain peaceful in the moment

  • Starts With Me

    Starts With Me


    Staring into this subtle breeze
    Continuous cloud blocking the burning sun
    Endless green filling up the remaining scene
    Left to wonder, and understand this new summer.

    Thinking through these constant obligations
    Payments, commitments, deadlines, no time
    Every single day, less than 24 hours left
    Each and everyday 48 hours of things left

    In this crazy phase, not focused on anything
    Somehow floating in this hazy daze of everything
    Feeling empty, peacefully, breathing evenly
    Something familiar within this space

    Watching the sky move, while the bugs biting
    Life’s little annoyances, keeping me attentive
    The daydreams of a fantasy of what-if realities
    Approaching closely serenity and it all starts with me

  • Chaotic

    Chaotic


    Life’s simple phrases causes diluted faces
    Making crazy thoughts real, making me feel
    Can I feel free? Can I see something to feel?
    These crazy thoughts betraying my sanity
    Life’s pleasant season is my only reason
    For staying in this chaotic world.

    If things were real we would all see the same thing in the same way.
    This perceived world has so many fake pearls, in the beholders eyes, I behold more lies.
    And I seen my whole life in an unforeseen way just to make sure I can deal in this chaotic world.

    When I realized the sun never does rise.
    And I’m walking as a microorganism of an infinite wisdom.
    Talking through doors avoiding whores.
    Listening to the moons light as the world goes into deaths foyer.
    In this chaos, I see the chaotic chaos.

  • Grief

    Grief


    Midst of the grief
    Fighting the belief
    Everything has its place
    So must this pain
    In my face
    Pulling at me
    With every single breath
    Waking with tears
    My own dreams
    Perpetuating fears

    Deep into grief
    Asking questions rhetorically
    Only God can answer me
    Knees bend in pain
    Screaming to remain sane
    Replaying each scene
    Was it meant to be me
    Not accepting this destiny
    Fire keeps growing in me
    Afraid to sleep

    Alone in this grief
    Every grief opening
    Every single time
    I felt this pain
    Appreciating lessons
    Some told remain old
    Expecting something different
    Hard to bear this
    Praying for something
    Not even sure what yet

    Buried in grief
    Flowing through me
    Essence of everything
    Innocence was fleeting
    Unable to protect me
    Envied each day dream
    Thinking I’d be free
    I changed locations
    Escaped reality
    But it never left me

  • Releasing This Pain

    Releasing This Pain


    Releasing this pain
    The shadow of insanity
    It’s staring back at me
    Deciphering the past
    After action reviews
    Fishbones and 5-Whys
    Nothing comes through

    Releasing this pain
    But how’d I get here
    Could not predict this
    Feeling like a sickness
    Prevailing inside of me
    Ain’t no medicine
    No form of therapy

    Releasing this pain
    At the next sun rise
    Just tired of sinking inside
    Shoulders too worn out
    Can no longer hold out
    World pressing me
    Down on both knees

    Releasing this pain
    Shedding the deadness
    Tortured and bruised
    Need perseverance
    Time to stand up
    Got to get up
    Fulfill this destiny
    Let shine that God in me

  • Hungry

    Hungry


    Hungry
    Never been hungry once
    Had moments of discomfort
    Reality provided comfort
    Ensuring temporary uneasiness
    Engulfed in envy
    If I could just be hungry

    Hungry
    Plate indefinitely full
    Generational Sacrifices
    Eating repeatedly easily
    Granted taken desperately
    Blessings absorbingly
    If I could just be hungry

    Hungry
    Growling deeply
    Surrounded Inner sounds
    Soliciting feverishly
    Desires embedded deeply
    Inadequate uncertainty
    If I could just be hungry

    Hungry
    Grinding indefinitely
    Consuming optimistically
    Drowning circumspectly
    Greed Obviously
    Believing lies willingly
    If I could just be hungry

  • Don’t Need to Survive

    Don’t Need to Survive


    don’t need to survive
    Just consume and resume
    Everything I already done
    Just keep rewinding
    Just keep repeating
    Relentlessly
    That’s all I have to do

    don’t need to survive
    Everything is repaired
    Everything is prepared
    No need to gather nuts and berries
    No need to hunt for sustainability
    Every time I need anything
    It’s right there for me

    don’t need to survive
    Just enjoy the fruits Of labor
    Not my labor, my time is billable
    No need for brick and mortar
    A few clicks and my day is over
    Talk the talk. Walk the walk.
    Finished before it’s even dark.

    don’t need to survive
    It’s like it’s all available to me
    I just need to pretend it’s all for me
    And even when it’s not for me
    I can even get a five year loan for free
    I call that the consumers destiny
    In debt for all eternity

  • Before The Sun Left

    Before The Sun Left


    Before the sun left
    I gave all that I had left
    No reason to hold on anything
    Time is lost instantly
    Income versus outcome
    Irrelevantly becoming numb
    Slowly accepting everything
    Achieving nothing

    Before the sun left
    I gave away all that I had left
    Holding onto material things
    Draining potential of offspring
    Suffering through differing thoughts
    Searching for that ideal spot
    Admiring the rear view
    Blessed given all I’ve been through

    Before the sun left
    I started believing with all I had left
    Hoping to see the next day
    Mindful of obstacles coming my way
    Seeking something innovative
    Keeping this life in perspective
    Launching ideas into the universe
    Quitting is the only curse

    Before the sun left
    Lost all I had left
    Riding into eternal abyss
    Praying not to reminisce
    Avoiding every pain of the past
    Asking vehemently for it to pass
    Slowly sinking from disgrace
    Peace achieved in this final resting place

  • All I have is tomorrow

    All I have is tomorrow


    All I have is tomorrow
    Nothing left in me today
    Wishing the earth moved faster
    Cause Of the pain of today
    The mirror showing me
    All that I am
    Lost in this space
    Did not finish this race

    All I have is tomorrow
    Today is already spent
    I’ve tried and I’ve tried
    Until I’m tired of tired
    What other way could I go
    Streets so quiet
    Like Feet against new fallen snow
    Left with nowhere to go

    All I have is tomorrow
    Every plan has failed
    Staring at the blueprint
    Second guessing what heaven sent
    Releasing what this world has meant
    Slowly thinking, about the next step
    Paralyzed in analysis
    Still cannot figure out what I missed

    All I have is tomorrow
    Cannot even sleep
    Waiting for the first hour to approach me
    Laying out something deep inside me
    Praying over this so I can believe in this
    Patiently waiting for this evolution
    Extracting the earths energy in one revolution
    Faithful for this solution

  • Hand

    Hand


    Hand against my forehead
    Wiping down my face
    Trying to erase all this disgrace
    Exhaling every past sin
    If God is God
    Why won’t God exist in me?

    Hand on my lower back
    Pushing out the stress
    This world on my neck
    Reaching for that medication
    No help from any of these relations
    They just assume expectations

    Hand wiping my eyes
    Surprised by these surprises
    This mirror looking right into me
    Recasted in tears just scare me
    Unexpected circumstances
    There are no fair chances

    Hand gliding across my cheek
    Trying to hide these tears
    Been keeping them in for years
    Uncontrollably controlling me
    If I was who I was I’d never be me
    No one is ever there for me

  • Half of Me

    Half of Me


    Half of a person
    Since I sensed my conscience
    That is the view of myself
    Even through every blessing
    Very sheltered upbringing
    There is a hollow being
    Knowing the origins of
    Only one side of me

    Half of myself
    Over the years
    Sporadically learning genetics
    Understanding, even without interaction
    Resembling a stranger’s actions
    Left in a sea of doubt
    Sorting manly feelings
    Without evidence of those feelings

    Half of me
    Enjoyed every minute in isolation
    Latch Keyed in
    Just me and pets as friends
    Rainy days the epitome of loneliness
    Not a real person in sight
    Now I seek solitude
    Even if I need to be rude

    Half of everything
    The concept is equivalency
    Hormones and chromosomes
    Creating a new being
    Conceptually perpetuating
    Every good quality of individuals
    With only one side
    lived as if I already died

    Half of it
    Glad I had it
    Every sacrifice she made for me
    Every dollar she wasted on me
    Every cry she comforted
    Regardless of the love I had
    Nothing can replace
    Wanting a dad

  • What’s Left of Me?

    What’s Left of Me?


    Disappointed in resentment
    Unforeseen fulfillment
    Understanding the resilience
    Unequivocally connected to resistance
    Progressing through darkness
    Trudging past the loneliness
    Creeping around uncertainty
    What’s left of me?

    Envisioning upward awakenings
    Aggravated into unfamiliar feelings
    Resurrection of derivative viewings
    Starting to think something new
    Initiating a different point of view
    Second guessing it’s you
    Unraveling this mystery
    What’s left of me?

    Invoking this opening scene
    Believing in the unknown things
    Prayerfully accepting the unseen
    Earth shaking the life outta me
    Waves changing how I breathe
    Thrust of windfall controlling my fall
    Appreciation for something I can see
    What’s left for me?

    Sun shinning 360
    World spinning feverishly
    If I could get off
    Where would I be
    Fear got a hold of me
    Devastated remembering the past
    Shattered in how long it’ll last
    Lost in life definitely
    What’s left for me?

  • Peace

    Peace


    Peace
    Never ending pursuit
    Look up to the sky
    No obstacles
    No barriers
    Unlimited Opportunity
    Peace

    Peace
    Walk in the room
    Love in an embrace
    Warming fire place
    Satisfied desires
    Peace

    Peace
    Sanctuary of space
    Unowned last name
    Natural tongue
    Hands pocketed still live another day
    Equal chances
    Peace

    Peace
    Uncompromising Love
    Strengthened loving touch
    Embraced commitment
    Unyielding loyalty
    Unbridled support
    Peace

  • Just Enjoying This Space

    Just Enjoying This Space


    No work to do
    No appointments to make
    No meetings to go to
    Just enjoying this space

    No obligations
    No history
    No meals to make
    Just enjoying this space

    No plans today
    No songs to sing
    No words to say
    Just enjoying this space

    No things to clean
    No deals to make
    No repairs to make
    Just enjoying this space

  • Hope

    Hope


    I still remember you from childhood days
    That constant feeling you gave on Xmas days
    Anxiety deafening every move that was made
    That hope, that constant hope you made.

    You are always there in the strangest way
    Regardless of how I feel, showed me the way
    When you’re not around I struggle to make sense
    Ambivalent traversing life like a 6th sense

    Closed my eyes and see you there with pride
    In the midst of the pain striving for that pride
    The future of this abyss leaves me yearning peace
    Transversing this void no short cut to this peace

    Yet, I’m still here, energy drained, still need more
    Striving again to see you once more
    I miss you, that newness, that hope
    That anticipation, and realization, I need that hope

  • Everything

    Everything

    Everything
    Everything I use to
    believe

    Believe
    in ideas that made everything
    work

    Work
    that ensured we were
    safe

    Safe
    enough to realize future
    success

    Success
    that transposed our biggest
    dreams

    Dreams
    involving strong
    family

    Family
    enduring and supporting wild
    things

    Things
    that inspired us, enlightened us to
    fantasy

    Fantasy
    driving our ruthless pursuit of
    anything

    Anything
    that matters. Anything that
    builds

    Builds
    the best of us to continue loving
    trust

    Trust
    that no matter what
    Purity.

  • Pieces Of Me

    Pieces Of Me

    Pieces Of Me
    Feeling like
    I’ve been pulled together
    Randomly
    The father and mother are clear
    But he was never here
    Now I think back unraveling
    Each layer of me that I see
    Seeing every man
    That somehow made
    An impression on me

    Learned love at a very early age
    Remembering those hugs
    You loved me like I
    Never made a single mistake
    For whatever reason
    You only came around on holidays
    Only found out your hidden identity
    When AIDS took you away

    Learned how to manifest anger
    It was routinely on display
    Cannot remember my age
    But I knew it was in second grade
    It reminds me
    Of one of those superhero characters
    You won’t like me when I’m angry
    Because in hindsight
    I cannot fathom what
    A classroom of 2nd graders
    Could ever do
    To make you break a chalkboard
    But I learned to hold shit in
    And when my seeds messed up
    I let it explode again and again

    Learned how to ride or die
    Nothing special
    It was just the look in your eyes
    Revenge is a bitter pill
    Sometimes you get so deep in it
    There’s no way out of it
    That’s why you need
    To have heat with you
    Because badge or not
    No one wants to get shot
    Always stay ready
    With a plan to enter
    A plan to escape
    But if you get stuck
    Shut the fuck up
    Let the lawyer plead your case

    Learned how to just cut ties
    Give it your all
    Until you bust
    Then walk away
    With no hesitancy
    Nothing means everything
    Even though I was your seed
    The gravity of you leaving
    Helped me leave everything

    Learned a lot of things randomly
    Watching life’s sermons
    While people speaking eloquently
    Seeing every addiction
    Removed every narcotic curiosity
    Regardless of the need to escape
    When that high wore off
    There is nowhere left to escape
    And the reality of who you are
    That is all that’s left
    Accepting who you really are
    Until your final last breath

    Learned by watching more than hearing
    Seeing you fix things
    Instead of using yellow pages
    Seeing the logic
    Was no internet on site
    Laying tiles without a single mistake
    Hanging Sheetrock with one hand
    Hammer it in with the other hand
    Realizing desire more important
    Than impossibility
    When you want something done
    Waiting on someone ain’t always
    In your reach

    Pieces together
    Feeling like those old scarecrows
    Resembling something real
    But in reality
    Just the manifestation
    Of different realities
    And none of them fit together
    Always challenged for them to
    Work together
    Even if all those influencers
    Were in the same room
    They wouldn’t like each other
    Yet I’m perpetuating their ideals
    Stuck not knowing how to feel
    Unwilling to let them go
    Selfishly it’s all I know