Sy Bryant

Category: Fatherless

  • Just Writing

    Just Writing

    Just Writing

    Putting words down

    Nothing else works

    Only way to get these words out

    Let these feelings feel the air

    Get these feelings out of my nonexistent hair

    Getting word indigestion

    Pepto Bismal ain’t working

    Gotta make these words start working

    If I keep them in any longer

    Festering may make them stronger

    Then my outward action

    Would reflect my inward frustration

    Just Writing

    The endless feeling of WTF in my space

    Needing peace.

    Not in these streets.

    In my soul

    Got me feeling real real old.

    Starting out I grew up spoiled

    Far from rough and rugged

    More like educationally stimulated

    I never waited for anything I wanted in life

    My attitude is Atomic for the rest of my life

    Fuck 0-100. 

    I’m at 100. 

    Stay at 100. 

    Live at 100

    Why would I ever stop this flow

    Just Writing

    Ain’t no reason to regret where I go

    Everything I do

    Everything I see

    Something new to learn

    Something more I can be

    I specifically focus on the better me

    Trying to catch that dude

    No matter where he may be

    I’m not looking

    I’m on the hunt. 

    Stalking the future me…

    Just Writing

    I’m  hungry

    I need more than what I was supposed to be

    If I had more energy my body would levitate

    Don’t need to live forever

    I need to be forever

    I meed my children’s kids’ great great Grand children

    To hear my voice at critical points in their life

    Need them to know

    I’ll never know them

    But I’ll love them with my whole life

    The pain and tragedy of my current life

    More like seeds being planted

    More like the deep darkness of the earth’s riches. 

    Just Writing

    Struggling to breathe

    But surrounded by nutrients that build me up

    Absorbing all these different things

    Just to make me appear tough

    If you think talking to me about big shit

    That will somehow make me

    Stop working on my own shit

    You couldn’t influence me with trillions in riches

    I’m not him.

    The soul I have is not for sale 

    You can’t burn me with them bum bitches.

    I’m only loyal to what I know is real.

    Just Writing

    Either you here for me. 

    Or you not. 

    Ain’t no in-between. 

    Ain’t no. 

    Maybe later. 

    Ain’t nothing else besides we rocking till the last breath.

    If those ain’t your words.

    I don’t fuck with you.

    Just Writing 

    Nothing new going on in my head. 

    Just getting out this old shit

    Can’t take it with me when I’m dead.  

    There is something for real

    About that glass being half full. 

    You can only get about one half more

    Before you are really full. 

    So I’m going for empty

    Dumping it all out

    On steps and i’m a slinky. 

    Dumping it all out

    Whether you are with me

    And even if you are against me

    All this potential energy

    It stays fucking up my  synergy

    So today converting it kinetically

    Into something that has longevity.

    Talking but I ain’t talking about shit. 

    Just purging out last year so this year will fit.

    Just Writing

    I’m on some delete all that bullshit.

    SELECT * and deleted that shit. 

    That recycle bin just wants me

    To keep hold of the old me

    Trying to convince me

    That the old can become new 

    But I’m telling you

    What matters can be destroyed

    And something new is created

    Every single time I make some noise

    A new opportunity can materialize

    But I don’t get hypnotized. 

    It’s just one of the many things that I do really really well. 

    If you cannot tell I can even write well.  

    Just Writing

    Wake up wondering

    Wondering around waiting

    Looking in the past with my hourglass

    Counting each drop of sand in my hand

    Remembering each grain

    In the sand of time

    Now it’s my time

    The right time

    Creating sands of time

    No need to flip it over

    I’ve got more coming

    I make my own sand

    Even while I’m wasting

    That last bit of sand

    From the sand man.

  • Alone For So Long

    Alone For So Long

    Surrounded by breathing things and 100 things to do.  everything strange, no one is real.  In my own space,  thoughts here, serene emptiness.

    Alone for So long.

    Spinning endlessly around this sun, thinking about the first day I saw my son. Planting new seeds with old pain each generation thrown to death. 

    Alone for So long. 

    Systemically enslaved.  Mentally starving for the potential I so eloquently locked away.  Wanting that Cosby Show life, deep rooted emotional pain. 

    Alone for So long.

    Socially inept.  Leading or a shadow stuck between.  No interest in just being seen. I don’t know society.  Don’t know people. I know alone.  

    Alone for So long.

  • Chasing

    Chasing

    Chasing, endlessly pursuing

    Wanting elusive things aloft beings

    Experiences unmet

    Energy spent wanting

    Chasing, constantly waiting

    Hoping for a different outcome

    Feelings damaged

    Faith diminished

    Chasing, patiently seeing

    Living a tumultuous fantasy

    Life wasting

    Laugh gone

    Chasing, new reality

    Looking, new paths revealed

    Patiently waiting

    Pleasing satisfaction

  • That Piece

    That Piece

    Calling a name I don’t know

    To do some things I’ve never seen

    Going to go places I’ve never been

    Just to see your face

    Be present in your space

    That piece of serenity

    Calling this peace into existence

    Not even sure what I am missing

    Persevering through every obstacle

    The world is simple and cruel

    Masked by this innocence

    That piece of persistence

    Calling and screaming to be heard

    Fantasy controlling reality

    Nothing decent within me

    Aggressively deceitfully being me

    Subtly orchestrating inevitably

    That piece of hypocrisy

    Calling for assistance

    Realizing I cannot handle this

    Monumentally too much for me

    Devastated no one responded to me

    The realization of independence

    That piece of creative license

  • Epiphany of Pain

    Epiphany of Pain

    The Epiphany of Pain

    Imaging the first devastation

    Never imaging something so impactful

    Powerful words rattling my psyche

    Humbled by a chance opportunity

    To be the chosen few

    Nothing prepared us

    for what lay ahead

    Manhood, shining in the thunderous rain

    The Epiphany of Pain

    If we could yet awake from that dream

    Could not fathom the reality of things

    The physical challenges awaited us

    Mentally we were barely off of empty

    Linked in friendship kept our resiliency

    Rolling one after another

    Scholarship, massacred into our brain

    The Epiphany of Pain

    Illogically slowly accepting this fate

    Engulfed with idealistic thoughts

    Walking bridges others have taught

    Pursuing obstacles with a dogmatic view

    Listening to truths spoken by twisted knaves

    Realizing the crystal stair ancestors had to bare

    Perseverance, grinding to become insane

    The Epiphany of Pain

    Accepting the fallacy of all I hold dear

    There was but six standing there

    Climbing through the the darkest night

    Shoulder to shoulder, days to night

    Rebuilt in the shadow of KAOS hard ways

    Souls combined into the Kaotix 6ix

    Uplift, birthed in the hardest of ways

  • Releasing

    Releasing

    Releasing every thought

    Each perspective

    All ideas that contain

    All the limitations I have every experienced

    The thoughts that prevent progression

    The idea that is now a nightmare

    Releasing it all in the crisp cool air

    Releasing every pain

    Thorn of thoughts

    Piercing the flesh of forgiveness

    Debilitating fruits of labor

    Void of thought, is what I savor

    Enabling the strength to succeed

    That’s all I really need

    Releasing every history

    Today is a new thing

    Intentionally filling it with new dreams

    Building ideas, concepts, pure energy

    Interlocking joy with jeopardy

    Risking it all on everything

    Just to hear the birds sing

    Releasing every goal

    Built things on things that were old

    Expecting something new seems bold

    Sacrificing the intimate stories told

    From now on, leave the past alone

    Investing in what I can call my own

    Free to be alone

  • Perspective

    Perspective

    Confined in frustration

    Institutionalized in speculation

    Blinded justice

    It’s not just us

    Ingrained in the earth

    Lost at birth

    Intentionally marginalized

    Don’t be surprised

    Accepting the fact

    Disarray is packed

    Shocked to attacked

    Frustrating circumstances

    Void of chances

    Rolling dice after dice

    Avoiding random advice

    Controlled by every vice

    Digging into every chasm

    Longing for every spasm

    Anything to feel a feeling

    Long past my last cause

    Cause death seems appealing

    I’ll never reach that glass ceiling

    Circumventing regulation

    Doing anything out of desperation

    Grinding through exhilaration

    Maintaining this station

    Pretending every dream comes true

    As if every prayer is for you

    The dramatic scene is serene

    Looking and looking, looking so mean

    It’s the reality of what it seems

    Knowing that you know

    But what does it mean

    Rejecting the endless fantasy

    Avoiding life loans

    Loving instead of dreaming

    Doing over sleeping

    Driving into the mystery

    Seeking each void of humanity

    Building an infinite memory

    Ending each regret

    Taking every bet

    Leaving nothing to be desired

    Fueling this fire

  • I don’t want to be here

    I don’t want to be here

    I don’t want to be here

    I don’t want to be anywhere

    Anywhere that is required Of me

    It never lets me just be me

    Let me exist in the shadow

    Periodically wanting me to interject

    As if I’ve always been here

    I don’t want to be here

    Don’t want any sense of responsibility

    Don’t want any bill to call upon me

    Don’t want to be dependent upon

    Just want to breathe every day until the sun is gone

    Just want to breathe every day under moonlight

    Seeing waves caress my blight

    I don’t want to be here

    Where people say hello before my name

    Where there’s an expectation that I do the same

    Where everyday is not really for me

    Cause someone somewhere needs me

    Wanting me to do what they wouldn’t do for me

    I don’t want to be here

    Staring in the air mindlessly

    But always on call in a minute

    Waiting a call, text some type of message

    When my cycle of existence

    Is based on someone else’s persistence

  • Pain And Me

    Pain And Me

    Pain is eating me

    Like it’s feeding me

    Becoming my only source

    Calling it my energy

    Absorbing it

    Like I am a part of it

    I am what I am

    Pain is what it is

    We are my mom’s only kids

    Been riding it out

    Shout it out

    In the midst of misery

    It’s just pain and me

    There ain’t nothing real

    It’s just how I feel

    Between paper lines

    Writing out each thought of mine

    Hoping with expectation

    One day there’ll be a celebration

    The real issue

    So close to desperation

    Mind and body

    Total separation

    Slowly and surely everything

    That’s happening

    It’s just pain and me

    What does it mean

    When you look to stars

    Nothing to be seen

    No inspiration to gleam

    Can’t see past the hand in front of you

    Can’t get past

    The first two steps

    All you can do is that 1-2, 1-2

    Accepting that this life in me

    Breeds every misery

    Incubating something new

    Reminding me about me

    It’s just pain and me

    How does it feel

    When the sun has no appeal

    The moon’s light ain’t never right

    Deeply inhaling but

    Never getting fresh air

    Taste buds ain’t tasting

    Smelling something stale

    Skin feeling itchy and pale

    Closing down internally

    To every external stimulus

    The greed in me longing for peace

    Yet reality only sees me

    It’s just pain and me

  • Final Goodbye

    Final Goodbye

    This is my last time

    Saying that final goodbye

    Let God wipe the tear from my eye

    This is my last time

    Never will I feel this way

    Nothing else to say

    Never been like this before

    Thought I wanted something more and more

    Now things are crazy

    I don’t even exist

    Just a shadow of me

    Walking through the door

    Not a care in this world

    Thinking I’m not alone

    That’s the biggest curse

    Wanting to believe it must be me

    Why else does guilt keep grabbing me

    The more and More I push

    The more and more I realize

    And I still act surprised

    When I finally see

    And ain’t a us, just a me

    This is my last time

    Saying that final goodbye

    Let God wipe the tear from my eye

    This is my last time

    Never will I feel this way

    Nothing else to say

    Leaving phones unanswered

    Have no desire to speak

    Becomes more and more difficult

    Pretending I’m weak

    As the wind blows

    I can feel every bit of the past

    Just never imagined that pain would last

    As the river flows

    Everything is washed away

    Nothing else to even do

    Just awaiting judgement day

    Have no expectations of open gates

    The subtlety of each and every crime

    Beyond what they eye could see

    But God always saw me

    That wrath will be upon me

    This is my last time

    Saying that final goodbye

    Let God wipe the tear from my eye

    This is my last time

    Never will I feel this way

    Nothing else to say

    Watching out for anything new

    Happiness is just a myth

    Just hard to be so serious

    Holding onto this pain

    It just reminds me of things

    Not sure how I get through

    Every 24th hour

    Just brings me compounded pain

    If I could really smile

    Wonder what that would be like

    Really laughing out of joy not spite

    Really seeing something new

    Having that anxiety of love anew

    Something always happens

    Manifested lies and behavior

    Just Tired of being my own savior

    This is my last time

    Saying that final goodbye

    Let God wipe the tear from my eye

    This is my last time

    Never will I feel this way

    Nothing else to say

  • Anyone … Besides Me

    Anyone … Besides Me

    Keep looking around

    Waiting on someone else

    Need someone to step up

    Can’t depend on anyone else

    All these problems we facing

    Where are the leaders

    Where are the entertainers

    Need someone to do something

    Anyone…

    Besides me

    Keep looking around

    Looking in disbelief

    Especially riding through Philly

    Old school barely a school

    Even had a jail at the school

    Reaching out to administration

    Demanding explanations

    They need someone to change this

    Anyone…

    Besides me

    Keep looking around

    Seeing the same problems

    They the same they’ve always been

    Derivatives of slave masters’ sins

    Even with education and intellect

    Still have their name

    On my seeds neck

    Someone must stand up

    Anyone…

    Besides me

    Keep looking around

    Wondering what this is about

    Nothing is changed

    It’s all the same with a different name

    Watching the cycle like a re-run

    Knowing if it gets too out of hand

    Lil ol’ shotty bouncing on a man

    This is just too much, someone help us

    Anyone….

    Besides me

  • Would You Still Believe?

    Would You Still Believe?

    Would you still believe

    Just for a moment in time

    If we could join in mind

    At an impossible perspective

    If things weren’t considered

    So sacrilegious

    What if it weren’t true

    Would you change what you do?

    Would you still believe

    If although blood fall to the ground

    If that torture rack didn’t end that life

    If there were no EKGs to verify a thing

    As soon as the crowd dispersed

    Released those nails in victory

    What if you can live after that

    Would you change what you do?

    Would you still believe

    If at that time people were buried alive

    And the reason for not “burying” is that

    Breath still breathes under blood and grief

    And that security wasn’t like today

    No one really monitored the same way

    What if it were already opened and victory escaped

    Would you change what you do?

    Would you still believe

    If you knew he knew it too

    And he would have to endure punishment

    Endlessly and have faith to see it through

    Lash, after lash, no man hath endured

    Expecting salvation for generations yet to come

    What if it were you

    What it change what you do?

    Would you still believe

    If what hides in mystery

    An entire city was built

    To protect a single belief

    That a person can transcend yet live eternally

    Worship continually under an exaggerated belief

    What if there was another way

    What it change what you do?

    Would you still believe

    After seeing all the years past

    Witnessed his name used out of context

    To murder, ridicule, and prevent evolution

    Slowing down the human progress

    For a tithe, a prayer or less

    What if you could speak to God directly

    What it change what you do?

  • Foundation

    Foundation

    Foundation is cracked

    Repairs have been attempted

    But like any infrastructure

    Built on the wrong premise

    Only way to fix it is destroy it

    The impossibility of resurrection

    Is the only thing that kept me

    From just hitting reset

    If I could just start all over again

    The things I’d do differently

    Or not even start at all

    If I had a conscience at that point

    Avoid that egg

    Give it my all

    Foundation wasn’t nurtured

    Many a craftsman

    Observing the damage

    Understanding the weeds

    Strangling the fruit

    Until it’s unraveled

    Planted and nurtured

    But would without question

    That craftsman would turn and walk away

    Thinking at least the garden is clean

    Unknowingly creating another crack

    Nothing changed really

    Just lost a bit of confidence actually

    Knowing that look that is given

    No time to correct it, just accept it

    Foundation had some blemishes

    Like having a beautiful painting

    That leaves no image

    Everyone creating in their own mind

    The true meaning of it

    Seeing obsolescence easily

    Yet walking away so freely

    As if they weren’t the architect

    Not theirs to repair

    Just as easy to neglect

    Motherhood is a feeling

    Fatherhood is a choice

    Was never chosen for so long

    Lost my voice

    Foundation weakened

    Bridge stay ready to collapse

    Indeterminate frequency

    Sent crashing to my knees

    Could be the smallest of things

    Child’s poor performance in school

    Major catastrophes

    Even a car accident

    And I am releasing everything

    I can no longer hold it in

    And the crumbling

    The holes open wider

    Slowly without cessation

    Causing morally degradation

    Foundation strengthened

    Through periodic episodes

    When peers see me at my worst

    They elicit in me the best in me

    Purple skies we discuss

    Until the early hours

    When the golden rays

    They light the way

    Remembering I got this far

    Battered torn and all

    Fault lines that have made some fall

    Still here aiding in the mission

    No time to wallow in regret

    Head high to the finish

  • Philosophically

    Philosophically

    Retrospectively

    No need for envy

    I’m accepted by me

    Use No like I breathe

    On my own time

    Spending my own dime

    Eliminating debt as I breathe

    Introspectively

    Contemplated chasing money

    And money attracts honey

    And honey attracts envy

    Pulling down your image

    No longer fighting for life

    Lawyers protecting your image

    Unexpectedly

    The human being made for simple things

    Only one purpose to cultivate the land

    Migrate endlessly regulating weaker things

    Greed converted freedom into a commodity

    We no longer wanted what we collectively had

    Desired our own possession lost human lesson

    Reality

    Every being has its time

    Earth is our god

    In her, we will find our eternal peace

    Eternal rest

    The Human will be destroyed

    By the very thing we were meant to protect

  • It’s Something

    It’s Something

    It’s something about this movie

    I remember it from the movies

    Filled me with emotion

    As if I was in the movie, first person

    I quote lines as if they are mine

    Like I speak to people using the script

    And if they don’t respond in kind

    I walk away, like fuck this shit.

    It’s something about this song

    When it comes on I stop what I’m doing

    Always need to close my eyes

    Consistently I need to smile

    As I count in that beat

    And I start singing in harmony

    Cannot remember a day without its memory

    This song is a part of me

    It’s something about this block

    When things ain’t right it is my anchor

    Don’t even know who’s there anymore

    There are new trees and a breeze

    But M-Block still feels like home

    All that sweat I dripped on that street

    All the blood from falling on that street

    All the tears from taking a loss on that street

    It’s something about being wrong

    When it hits you with regret

    And you ain’t even sad yet

    And the feeling of “damn” is in you

    Realizing pain will never miss you

    And all you have is an apology to offer

    And you’ve wronged for so long

    An apology ain’t enough any longer

  • Somethings

    Somethings

    Somethings are like yesterday

    Somethings so far away

    I can remember every crime

    That I did

    Even Past the statute of limitation

    It’s still about discretion

     

    Somethings are like yesterday

    Somethings so far away

    Still have strangers approaching me

    Reminding me of things they seen

    Couldn’t remember them

    On my best day

    But I apologized anyway

     

    Somethings are like yesterday

    Somethings so far away

    I can remember every cry

    Like an endless release

    Only two were joy

    Only with hindsight, still learning

    To appreciate every pain

     

    Somethings are like yesterday

    Somethings so far away

    Had a lot of lust

    Seldom had love

    Although I would say it

    Didn’t always mean it

    Depends on who was receiving it

     

    Somethings are like yesterday

    Somethings so far away

    Have to slow down and really think

    If there was one thing

    That I would do again

    Replace all that lust with real friends.

  • Life … Just Flowing By

    Life … Just Flowing By

    Life just flowing by

    The Earth is self healing

    While the plague

    Hides in quarantine

    Afraid of what it means

     

    Life just flowing by

    And we all pretend

    It wasn’t all organized

    Natural selection

    Isn’t this subjective

     

    Life just flowing by

    Yet I’m left wondering

    What are we really missing

    Hunters and gatherers

    Far from their intended purpose

     

    Life just flowing by

    Never so much emptiness

    With the vacant sky

    Void of Human sounds

    Peace is all around

     

    Life just flowing by

    It’s hard to understand why

    Mentally limited

    Without any external stimulant

    Tired of being stuck so deep in it

  • 6th Sense

    6th Sense

    Just now understood the 6th sense

    Everything just started making sense

    Seeing life with a fictional lens

    Non-Fiction don’t always end driving the Ghost

    Living in my fantasy life

    Kept thinking happiness existed with a wife

    Wanted to believe in mystical things

    Thought prayer and hope led to beautiful things

    The sense of the 6th degree

    Woke me up to the reality

    People going to be who they are

    Don’t believe in people’s words shit don’t go far

    It’s a blessing to wake up from the dream

    Tired of the tears hiding the scream

    Seeing life in a new direction a stronger focus

    Knowing what’s important without emotion.

    That 6th sense was the answer so it seems

    Remembering the past as a stranger

    Things I thought, I know I didn’t really see

    I just imagined shit that would never be

    Eyes wide open the truth hurt

    No one to blame that’s the shit that really hurt

    Looking in the mirror, like is you insane?

    Purposely hurting yourself like you don’t know your own name. 

  • All Wrong

    All Wrong

    Expecting the wrong things

    Going down the wrong roads

    Wondering wrong thoughts

    Lost on wrong paths

    Or So it seems




    Seeing wrong visions

    Having the wrong dreams

    Absorbing the wrong nourishment.

    Believing in the wrong light

    Or So it seems




    Hoping for the wrong future

    Knowing the wrong individuals

    Hearing the wrong songs

    Driving to the wrong destinations

    Or So it seems




    Choosing the wrong interactions

    Focused on the wrong goals

    Rejuvenating in the wrong fuel

    Dumping in the wrong pool

    Or so it seems




    Grinding on the wrong work

    Saving the wrong people

    Sacrificing the wrong time

    Believed in the wrong soul

    Or So it seems
  • That Is Life

    That Is Life

    Eyes are focused on the door

    Expecting to hear footsteps

    Left in a dismal space

    Never know what’s next

    Endlessly expecting

    Something different

    Imagination controlling

    Every breath

    Ears focused on the meaning

    Each and every sound

    Believing what is said

    Keeps me above ground

    Words differing

    From action’s reactions

    Left with nothing

    Life’s satisfaction

    Nose controlled by that aroma

    Breathing deeply

    Not willing to admit

    What’s wrong with me

    Revolution of imperfection

    Paralyzed by reflections

    What’s left in me

    These sins are deadly

    Mind racing to end this

    No one would ever

    Even believe this

    Captivated desires

    Prioritized evil fires

    Climbing into abyss

    Looking back

    Damn I missed

  • All This Pain

    All This Pain

    All this pain

    Stirring in me

    People everywhere

    Feeling So Empty

    Joy please find me

    Wide awake

    New day’s sun

    through this window

    Barely touching me

    laying here in misery

    Trying not to move

    Somber mood

    everything is ok

    What I’ve learned to say

    Tired of talking

    Been thinking

    Yeah I know what’s wrong

    Love got me blinded

    Can’t you see, It’s me

    All this pain

    Stirring in me

    People everywhere

    Feeling So Empty

    Joy please find me

    Phone vibrating

    Been turned the ringer off

    Know who it is

    know what they want

    Ain’t even worth the effort

    To pick up the phone

    just want to be alone

    Everyone think they can fix me

    But I know they can’t fix it

    Cause I’m that one

    That fix their shit

    Counting out each day

    That I’ve felt this way

    Deepened hopeless mood

    Yeah been kinda rude

    Just not in the mood

    All this pain

    Stirring in me

    People everywhere

    Feeling So Empty

    Joy please find me

    Knocks at my door

    Yelling who is it

    Delivery especially for me

    Probably another bill

    Too many to count

    To know for sure

    Special box for me

    Opened with energy

    Just a note for me

    Tears for my eyeS

    Old notes from

    My Father

    Miss him everyday

    Since he past

    Reading the proudness

    Giving me hopefulness

    All this pain

    Stirring in me

    People everywhere

    Feeling So Empty

    Joy please find me

    Need my ladder out

    Climbing out of here

    Breaking down

    Walls of emotion

    Initiating devotion

    New plan developing

    Open up this window

    Fresh air welcoming

    Getting new point of view

    Pain in the rear view

    Eyes focused on the future

    Wounds finally closing

    faith is a suture

    Optimistically looking

    The joy life caused me

    Strength resurrected within me

    All this pain

    It is me

    All this joy

    It is me

    All this pain

    All this joy

    This pain

    This joy

  • To me

    To me

    Swear God be talking to me

    Showing me little things

    Seeing it in big ways

    Every single opportunity

    I know it’s all God’s way

    Humbly I ask constantly

    For more strength

    When I know

    There is nothing in me

    And I become hesitant

    Swear God be talking to me

    Just in everything I do

    Feeling outside energy

    Straight through me

    Gaining spiritual

    Remnant of the beginning

    First humans just being

    Accepting every learning

    As if I’m their meaning

    And all those lives was for a meaning

    Swear God be talking to me

    Granting every dream

    Before I even wish for it

    Answer each prayer

    As if I deserve any of it

    Gratefully accepting it

    I stopped asking why me

    Learning to let God do for me

    And I’m believing in

    Every bit of God’s energy

    Swear God be talking to me

    Left foot, right foot

    Keep walking steady

    As long as I follow orders

    I’ll have heaven for an eternity

    Patiently walking circumstantially

    Never doubting the path

    Laid out right before me

    Everything is left for me

    Bowing to that God in me

  • This New Day

    This New Day

    Opening my eyes to this new day

    Same ol dark ways

    See life from a different view

    Based on the things I been through

    Was never taught

    To worship Santa Clause

    I was taught to be Chris Kringle

    Be the Peace and the Joy

    That everyone is into

    Opening the curtains to this new day

    Everything still in its own way

    Beauty of every single thing

    The greenness of life

    The blooming flowers

    Right in front of me

    Humbled by every mercy

    Even when I’m down on my knees

    The spirit swells inside of me

    Opening the door to this new day

    Songs repetitively repeating for me

    Warmth warming  me

    Brightness shining for me

    Invisible feeling passed by me

    Hard to be egotistical

    Hard to stay humble

    When all this opportunity

    Right in front of me

    Realizing the realness of this new day

    It never has to end

    It’s meant to exist perpetually

    Without hesitation

    Counting down to the last

    Aggressively pursuing

    Each and every moment

    Cause at any moment

    It’ll be th…..

  • One Day

    One Day

    One day, there will be a day for me. 

    This day, I won’t be subject to false totality.

    This day, time is created for my own selfish pleasures.

    This day, I will be so high no one can see.

    This day, surrounded by beautiful warm waters of the sea.

    One day, there will be a day for me.

    This day, no one will ask me for a thing.

    This day, the world will be at my beckoning.

    This day, time will have no bound

    This day, I can only hear beautiful sound

    One day, there will be a day for me.

    This day, I could walk on beaches endlessly.

    This day, my appetite is quenched

    This day, my mind is free

    This day, is just for me.

  • Stressing

    Stressing

    Stressing…
    Watching that HR spike
    Troubling relaxing
    Anxiety counteracting
    Breathing kinda altered
    Manifestation of procrastination
    Fearfully fearing
    What blood test revealing

    Stressing…
    Walking every street alone
    And it gets worse
    As soon as I get home
    The emptiness
    Grabbing my very soul
    Yet I don’t know
    What life has yet to behold

    Stressing….
    For the sake of it all
    For everyone else
    I give my all
    Creating new things
    Out of no things
    For the chance
    For that championship ring

  • People Dying Everyday

    People Dying Everyday

    People dying everyday
    Immune to it
    The tune of it
    X numbered died
    In a fiery blaze
    Rescuers prevented access
    Too strong of a blaze
    It is nothing
    Not any emotion
    Human or celebrity
    Never bothered me
    In any way
    Until this day

    People dying everyday
    I’m watching it happen
    Bored with murder
    As if I was napping
    Experiencing it from a distant
    Every so often
    It’s something reminiscent
    That person so close to me
    We created a memory
    And when it hits you
    That last memory
    That’s all you got
    Slowly realizing
    With every breath of pain
    Not another moment of time
    No need to say what’s up
    Time is up

    People dying everyday
    It’s the only guarantee of life
    For every breath that breathes
    Eventually, they will stop
    Struggling to rationalize
    Why is this one new
    Didn’t even know you
    Only heard of you
    Friend of a friends friends friend
    Six degrees removed
    Only noticed through the news
    Something wasn’t right
    Just need another chance
    If you could just reverse this
    Please answer this prayer
    That somehow
    For my own children
    I’ll always be there

  • Comfort

    Comfort

    Comfort in repetition

    Signs of deeper trouble

    Repeating repetitively

    As if something easy

    Do not have to worry

    About things with new meaning

    Comfort in tradition

    Hides everything in everyone

    Doing the same things

    We are all accustomed from

    Pain is overshadowed

    Hidden in costumes

    Comfort in holidays

    Instead of the present

    Reminder of better days

    Evident in the daily ways

    Application of statistics

    Systemic anomalies

    Comfort in history

    Accepting the burdens of reality

    Recognizing you left

    As someone left you

    Yet you were unwilling to stop

    What was done to you

    Comfort in ignorance

    I do not even know you

    After circling the sun for decades

    Your name is an illusion

    Your existence embodies confusion

    Never understand why you created me

  • Misunderstanding

    Misunderstanding

    Never understood anything you did

    There are times I wanted to understand

    The education that you gave

    Conquering the body and emotion

    With fierce devotion

    Never heard a word of love

    Just a Hey periodically

    Never a call or even a visit

    Just now

    Trying to figure out what I was missing

    Definitely remember

    The few interactions

    Weighed heavy enough

    Never wanted to get any closer

    Extremely comfortable with closure

    Driving 80 miles per hour

    Sharp curves

    Gliding graciously

    Because no point in driving

    If you are doing it soberly

    Fairly ambiguous about many things

    There was so many times

    That your name didn’t mean a thing

    Just a joke of sorts

    As the pipe was lit

    All I really recall was that first hit

    It didn’t sting, it burned, lash of that belt

    Because of the effort you gave

    Just another bit of abuse

    From a man that knew me from the very beginning

    Even when I knew

    You were leaving the earth

    There was nothing left to experience

    Nothing new for us to review

    Just heard about it in passing

    Do not remember sheading a tear

    Ashes stored in a closet, like trash on a shelf

    Knowing that you would no longer be here

    It was in that moment that I truly learned

    The value of life on this earth

  • First

    First


    First month of the year
    Barely finished last year
    Just watched time tick away
    Pretending I’m new today
    Like I won’t go home the same way

    First day of the month
    Frost in every window
    Cold settled in
    Wind knocking on the door
    Every time the wind blows

    First hour of the day
    Trying to end yesterday
    Sleep keeps evading me
    Changing the past
    Into what if fantasies

    First minute of the hour
    Something about seeing those zeros
    Always gives me power
    Optimistically what does this mean to me
    Feeling so desperately

    First second of the minute
    What should I do
    Counting down to inevitability
    Why do we act so pleasantly
    Feeling pain leave slowly

  • Screaming

    Screaming

    Screaming for attention
    Asking if I desperately need it
    Just believe I’m suppose to have it
    Ain’t that what my life is after
    Doing different things
    At different times
    Expecting one day
    Everything will be fine

    Screaming for perspective
    Questioning why I cannot see it
    As if I’m suppose to have it
    Spinning on this circular plane
    Slowly aging yet the world is the same
    With each day I stay calling your name
    Do you even remember mine
    From the last time

    Screaming for sanity
    Wondering why people after me
    As if I’m not suppose to be happy
    Like every time I climb out
    Someone pushing me back over
    Hand extended for you to come closer
    Together is the only way it will work
    But you too busy with work

    Screaming for love
    Examining why things are like this
    Opening the window
    Enjoying how the wind blows
    Fresh air won’t correct this feeling
    Leaves moving so freely
    Feeling trapped in repeatedly
    Is this life for me

  • Child Is Born

    Child Is Born

    Since I realized I was alone

    Since I realized he was never coming home

    Accepting the loss within me

    Learning everything independently

    There were always others around me

    But none of them looked like me

    Inherited love in a different feeling

    Embedded in the concept of creation

    Complicated in that new beginning

    Proudly smiling at the planted seed

    The proud excitement of something new

    Always had that with you

    Wrote down every promise

    Each and every action I pledged to keep

    Looking retrospectively

    Mirror gave me all that I need

    Every gap and hole in me

    Providing you every opportunity

    That day finally arrived

    Wish I could have captured

    That tear from my eye

    That love anew

    Never knew love

    Like I knew it with you

    Instantly the history

    Enabled to hold me down

    Released the negativity

    Witness this crown

    Life now sworn

    A child is born

  • Self-Reflect

    Self-Reflect

    It’s hard not to self reflect

    Based on where I am today

    Deepened into curiosity

    Of each choice that I made

    Trying to alleviate myself

    The doubt and pain

    Consistently leveraged

    To bury myself

    Self reflection

    More than a mirror will ever show

    Rewinding for a moment

    Specific situations

    Even a few examinations

    Trying to fathom the impossible

    That I rewrite history

    Curse of an unconquerable soul

    Reflecting on my past self

    Circumventing each time

    I did the right thing

    In the right time

    Because I negatively

    Don’t want to be me

    So I constantly re-evaluate

    How I came to be

    Perpetrating my own reflection

    Applying filters readily

    Unknowingly maintaining

    That morbid view of reality

    Neglecting the higher calling

    Of why I am the way I am

    Ungrateful in my own satisfaction

    Just a passenger in the inception

    Reflection retrospectively

    The numerous assurance

    I offered in individuals pursuits

    Believing they are happy,

    Enjoying every bit of life and liberty

    Cause those fantasies ain’t for me

    Created realistic fantasies

    That conspired and paralyzed me

  • Growing Up

    Growing Up


    Growing up
    I thought love was forever
    Remembering every image
    It’s like, embedded in me
    Now I’m left wondering
    Feeling so empty
    Was it all an illusion
    Crazy ideology
    Cause I’ve never thought
    It was all within me

    Growing up
    I thought happiness was a place
    Everything we did had a place
    As time keeps moving
    Feel like I’m losing my place
    Stuck in a place
    Where I have lost my pace
    So I quietly assume
    That we in the same place
    So I already lost the race

    Growing up
    Consumed in things
    I could never really fathom
    Luxurious items
    Thought I needed to have them
    Ended those dreams
    Cause they weren’t worth a thing
    Striving for materialism
    But that don’t mean a thing
    Staying focused nothing

    Growing up
    Caused me all kind of grief
    Kept believing in people
    That could care less about me
    Reaching levels of anxiety
    Everything felt real
    But it was all just a dream
    Losing my insight
    Let the truth behold me
    Deepest energy