Tag: love

  • What Does It Even Mean?

    What Does It Even Mean?

    What does it even mean?

    Is it really just a casual thing

    Friends just enjoying company

    Is that all it really is?

    I mean if our hands bump accidently

    And Somehow start to intertwine

    Are you going to pull your hand away

    Maintaining boundaries consistently

    You looking surprised

    You saying we just friends right

    I’m looking embarrassed

    I’m saying yeah, you right….

    What do I do?

    When I feel different about you

    It is not clear to me

    How can I be your friend

    And manage these feelings

    Openly providing unbiased advice

    But I am biased as hell

    A clear conflict of interest

    Holding in what I need to say

    Because it is more important to me

    That you hear the comfort you need

    So I calm down my every greed….

    Shaking my head in disbelief

    Another missed opportunity

    The day is not yet complete

    Already accepting the silent words

    Things better left not said

    Better to pretend in this reality

    Because if you knew the truth

    In its full totality

    It would set you free

    Nothing would ever be said again

    Worst of all

    We wouldn’t even be friends….

    If Love is truly love

    Nothing needs to be said

    The feelings pass through the ether

    Growing with new energy

    Expanding constantly

    Can’t you already see it

    Increased communications

    Not just casual check-ins

    I’m talking proper Good Mornings

    If you could see the smile I giving

    There is no way you could doubt this

    It will be something or nothing

    Mos Def was all I needed to hear

  • So Special

    So Special

    I am in disbelief

    Never would have guessed

    That somehow we would be at peace

    Literally thinking about you right now

    Normally when this happens

    It is a connection of energy

    I can just feel when people think of me

    With you…

    I just don’t know

    It isn’t that you don’t love me

    But I am not the only one you live for

    So I believed wholeheartedly

    There would never be a place for me

    So I never even approach the table

    That business collar

    That I always see around you

    Never looked anything like mine

    So why would I even think

    We could ever be more than this

    Now…

    I’m stuck in this….

    There is this lesson

    That sticks out to me

    About birds and being together

    Forced so many assumptions

    Now seeing the true you

    I’m deepened in sickness

    Because this timeline

    That we living

    It could be completely different

    Different doesn’t mean better

    And it don’t mean worse

    So I have to leave out my opinion

    Putting all my trust in God first

    Now sure what’s leading this

    But…

    The one thing I know for sure

    I only get one wrong move

    And you are gone for sure

    No reconciliation

    No need to even apologize

    Nothing but ignored messages

    A list of missed phone calls….

    Unable to even pinpoint the change

    When did the light switch

    What I am saying is

    This is NOT what it used to be

    We was mad cool

    Just chilling casually

    Even looking at your old flicks

    I can notice when the pain

    When It no longer was acceptable

    When you were ready for something new

    When I saw you years ago

    That wasn’t what you was into

    You was ten toes down for whatever

    Now….

    You a lot more wiser

    Definitely more clever

    Priorities are absolute

    But I never imagined you needed time to

    Oblivious to reality

    You didn’t need someone to fit in

    You just needed someone to be there

    Provide that comfort

    That beautiful loving care….

    Giving this dependence

    And this blatant conflict of interest

    Just reflecting about this

    I would rather be silent and keep you

    Then say every truth and lose you

    The truth does set you free

    But freedom is not my target

    Selfishly I am constantly there

    Even if it isn’t physically

    Still not used to this messaging frequency

    That’s really what did it for me

    It used to be just local messages

    Periodically check-ins

    Nothing too serious

    And it could be just me

    And that is where the pain lies

    Not that it would lead to anything

    But I want to hear you say

    I love you after my name

    And it mean more than it meant

    Energized in your holistic energy

    And beyond that

    Its just your beauty

    How could I ever be in your sphere

    I’ve been so reluctant to get there

    And when I see you

    I’m like damn

    Is she deep in thought

    What is really happening

    Never felt anything so special

  • Just Being Me

    Just Being Me

    Life is nothing

    It is just space and opportunity

    Filled with unforced decisions

    Most of the times indecisions

    All the time leaving me empty

    Filling that spirit with energy

    Holding onto any hope I see

    Finding an objective

    And claiming that is me

    The reality is not real to me

    Without unnecessary goals

    What would fill my soul

    Just being me….

    Anticipation the satisfaction

    Just takes a quick reaction

    And then work can begin

    Pacifying every anxiety

    Each day closer

    Leading to a different elevation

    Openly accepting whatever maybe

    Learning to accept Gods will

    Neither confirm or deny anything

    Allowing the universe to shape me

    Being actively molded continually

    Knowing I’m with your energy

    Just being me….

    The sun is rising above the horizon

    Stretching its rays

    Reaching the entire sky

    It is at that daily moment

    The Realization becomes real

    I don’t feel as far away

    Regardless of distance

    We both see the same sun rise

    This thought brings me joy

    Makes me close my eyes

    Praise in the moment

    Focusing on being grateful

    Just being me….

    The end of each day

    Brings something warm into me

    It’s like I always on countdown

    Because I become closer

    To the day where you’ll be around

    And we vining endlessly

    Don’t even need to talk continually

    Just be in each other’s company

    Creating new life without strife

    Walking into a new season

    Believing in everyone’s forgiveness

    This was intentional

    Just being me

  • Cannot

    Cannot

    Cannot idly watch this bullshit

    I am filling whatever hole need feelings

    If there is a void in energy

    That will be my entire focus

    Recognizing consistently

    I am forever one step away

    From never seeing you again

    So why should I ever, ever

    Hold in a single feeling

    And lose you again….

    Cannot let the day end like that

    If the last note ain’t the sweetest thing

    There is no way I can let this day end

    It is at these times that things feel strange

    Things just feel out of place

    Life is too beautiful to be mediocre

    There is no need to have sub par dreams

    We cannot live in this below average expectation

    But nothing is real

    Unless it involves complications….

    Cannot let you wander in doubt

    Showing you who you are

    Whatever you need

    I can be that main jawn

    Or that eternal side jawn endlessly

    Giving you whatever breath you need

    I didn’t understand what you meant

    When you said you got it

    But now I see clearly

    Some days you just need respite….

    Cannot miss another day

    Have you even noticed

    We’ve stay connected now

    Always a response

    It’s like we’re connected now

    In the past it would never last

    Eventually we would reach silence

    It wasn’t that things were different

    The boundaries we had

    For me, they were endless….

    Cannot remember the switch

    Looking into your eyes

    I know I’m not willing to miss

    Eyes stay locked in

    I am feeling you let me in

    We can literally go all in

    No need to hesitate for a second

    The risk are what they are

    There cannot be love

    Unless it is like this


  • This Love

    This Love

    Cultivating this love intentionally

    Every single morning

    Planting that new seed gently

    Wishing doesn’t offer enough promise

    Love is too precious

    Cannot leave this to mere guesses

    Speaking to love throughout the day

    Absolutely ensuring it has a place

    Protecting the essence of each caress

    Fantasy will never replace the reality

    Love is powerful

    But not as good as friendship

    Building this love carefully

    Every single morning

    Places each brick with intent

    Mindfully cementing cement

    Guaranteeing its eternal place

    Magnifying its strength

    Perpetually providing direct love

    This is the purest form of being

    What I am saying

    I can just think about you

    And the excitement starts ruling me

    Literally controlling my body

    Inspiring this love into belief

    Listen here to this opportunity

    I am talking about something new

    Relinquishing past thoughts

    Moving forward at pace

    Doing whatever I can do

    While I have every bit of your attention

    Not willing to miss any time

    I mean seriously…

    Have we ever really had any time

    Just one on one time

    That get to know you love time

    Growing this love indefinitely

    I say your name constantly

    Because it has meaning to me

    It invokes this spirit within me

    Has my blood flowing erratically

    Shouldn’t these be strange feelings

    But they feel so natural

    So much untapped potential

    But why did they leave the door open

    Had me thinking about L.L. lyrics

    Just because they blessed with

    Don’t mean I cannot finesse that ass

  • Unable

    Unable

    Unable to rest

    Wanting to know pure facts

    What would it feel like

    You falling asleep on my chest

    Not sure how I’ll face you again

    Whenever we are apart

    This life gets crazy

    Easier to pretend

    Live in this fantasy

    I am not built for reality

    Imagined something new

    Traveling across country roads

    But I’d travel across mountain tops

    The deepest bluest ocean

    As long as it was with you

    But this fear lingers

    This lose exist in me

    Waiting openly

    Wanting me to be at ease

    Setting me up constantly

    Opening my soul

    Giving up control

    Suddenly you’ll disappear

    And I’m meant to believe

    You were never here

    Unable to believe

    This cannot be a coincidence

    Conceived out is consequence

    Just a year ago

    This was not our flow

    Even when adjacent

    There was always a distance

    Now I’m in this state of awe

    Will I get a Hey

    Will it be that OMG

    Will it be my name

    Or all of the above

    I can hear your emotion

    Your body singing to me

    I have no what ifs

    Not a regret about you

    Nothing would have been like this

    There was no other way to get here

    Way back when

    Could have never imagined this

    Now I easily relax

    Yet the tone of your voice

    Even a single word

    It all sends me into a different space

    Not sure how to stay at a good pace

    Going all in

    I’d rather rush through this

    Whatever this is

    Above everything else

    We must stay friends

  • Butterflies

    Butterflies

    Something stirring deeply

    Unsure of this real feeling

    Beyond any feeling of anxiety

    Drifting around each feeling

    Believing about what’s meant to be

    Universal expectations exist

    But something about each of them

    Left in the moment of second guesses

    Wishing for just a real chance

    Anticipating harsh goodbyes

    Blasphemous butterflies…

    Every thought lingers perpetually

    Deep exhales do nothing for me

    Mediation is wasted time

    Trying to accept different thoughts

    These unfounded beliefs aren’t mine

    The entirety of my mind against me

    Wanting to avoid this energy

    Unable to determine its real intent

    Surrounded in past mistakes

    Fear exaggerating my own eyes

    Ungrateful butterflies….

    Focus leaves me continually

    Unable to track my own progression

    Not sure why I am here

    Every dream seems to evaporate

    Aimlessly looking at clouds

    The wind tries to calm me

    There has to be a reason for this

    Why can’t I have my thoughts back

    Swirling madness of nothingness

    Controlled by the bonds that tie

    Discouraging butterflies…

    Concentration evading all of me

    What is it that I long to achieve

    Cannot remember anything really

    Unable to move with certainty

    Resembling archaic statues

    If my heart did not beat

    No one would even hear me

    Uneasily accepting mix feelings

    Striving to smile at the blessing

    Limited by these cries

    Hateful butterflies

  • Beautiful Light

    Beautiful Light

    Beautiful Light expanding endlessly

    Exceeding the horizon

    We are loving beautifully

    Just moments away

    The pressure is building

    Unable to see clearly

    Imagined thoughts keep blinding me

    Amplifying every possibility

    What if life were different?

    What would I even believe?

    If you weren’t here with me

    Beautiful Light reaching infinitely

    Beyond the blue sky

    We are loving beautifully

    Keeping our distance socially

    Hearing your voice

    Always changes everything

    Said in so many ways

    Wrapped in endearing feelings

    Across multiple decades

    I wouldn’t know right from wrong

    Without you next time me

    Beautiful Light touching ceremonially

    Finding new found feelings

    Somehow it’s never enough

    The past weighing down on me

    Hoping with all I believe

    Life has something for me

    Misunderstanding your words

    They feel differently

    The words of your mouth

    Don’t make the intent of your heart

    I don’t know where to start

    Beautiful Light showing infinity

    Unknowingly convinced myself

    There was more than I see

    Creating fictional history

    Closing eyes tightly

    Screaming for some relief

    Nowhere to find peace

    Not able to feel easily

    Senses deceiving me

    Completely Wondering why

    You are here with me

  • Darkness

    Darkness

    Darkness surrounds us completely

    The moon coming into view

    Supposed to be long gone

    Still here lingering

    Not wanting to return

    No need to rush back to reality

    Inhaling the freshness of this air

    Holding in every dream I can bear

    Exhaling every bit of negativity

    Any ideas or concepts

    That would have us incomplete

    Completely surrounded in darkness

    Life somehow feels different

    Leaping off of destiny

    Tired of repeating momentarily sanity

    Existing only by the breath I give

    Slowly stealing cosmic energy

    Dampened in hallowed beliefs

    Will life return to reality

    I’d rather remain in this fantasy

    Feeling completely complete

    Excited on your sensitivity

    Surrounded by darkness completely

    Stars do not lead me

    Abandoned without resentment

    Closing unfounded ideology

    Concentrating on what’s meant to be

    Completely satisfied with anxiety

    Unknowingly you could disagree with me

    Opening my eyes to the next day

    You’d be gone from me

    I wish that could never be

    But that’s a real reality

    Darkness holding each morsel of me

    Compounded in an horrid interest

    If love was sincere I’d always be here

    Completely existing in peace

    What if I loved you more than me

    Losing perspective of what’s important

    Surrounded in ultimate purity

    Blessed to be a part of this energy

    Us combined with love

    The holistic trinity

    Completely complete

  • Muse

    Muse

    Muse

    In the emptiness of the darkness

    Allow me to invoke that energy

    Mind completely empty

    There is nothing within me

    Released every emotion completely

    Awaiting for that monumental occasion

    Uniting within your energy

    Muse me

    Muse

    Addicted to your spirituality

    Focused on each day

    Filling it’s entirety entirely

    Love cultivating each seed

    Exhausted out of sheer belief

    Every feeling felt daily

    Yet there is time for me

    Muse me

    Muse

    Unable to replicate this feeling

    Not sure what you are feeling

    Believing this completely

    Heart pumping your emotion

    Pounding this devotion

    Sniffing you for that next high

    Injecting every word into me

    Muse me

    Muse

    Rest is but a mild thing

    Conducted between a deep breath

    Promising that when you are empty

    My cup will runneth over

    Filling you with whatever you need

    Embracing you fully

    Allowing you to be you

    Muse me

    Muse

    Unable to ensure compatibility

    Loyalty is what it is important

    Providing whatever I have

    Proving I’m down until my last

    Holding onto every moment

    Fear capture doubts I have

    Praying this will exist indefinitely

    Muse me

  • You Were Mine

    You Were Mine

    Awaiting the time and the moment

    When I see you

    Will you see me differently

    Was this all in my own imagination

    The resistance is strangling me

    Could my imagination be that powerful?

    Does it have me believing in fantasy?

    Did I have create this entirely by myself?

    How do I unravel what I created

    Because if it isn’t real

    Eventually I’ll be devastated

    Thinking through the phases

    Increased comfort and comfortability

    Never even considered it was reality

    Engaged you constantly periodically

    But if I think back

    I am not sure where you are

    Because whenever I feel incomplete

    I turn around and you’re with me

    The amazing part is that energy

    That ability to transfer it to me

    Grateful for an eternity

    Believing with every bit of faith

    God does not make mistakes

    This path was already ordained

    There is something about the pain

    It created that rain

    Nurturing something never seen

    This beautiful reckoning

    Without a single doubt

    Focused sincerely on sharing each feeling

    There is no time to waste again

    This is the time to let it all out

    Praying in this undying belief

    God will always provide what is needed

    Remaining in the greatest of gratitude

    Accepting all that it is

    For as long as it will last

    Promising to return it all equally

    Available to receive and give love equally

    There is no reason to worry about anything

    What will happen will happen eventually

    Thanking God ahead of time

    For a moment you were mine

  • Mind, Body & Soul

    Mind, Body & Soul

    Mind, Body & Soul

    Waking up suddenly. Blindly feeling around the bed.  The surprise of not feeling her forced me to open my eyes as the sound of crashing waves was echoing.  Opening my eyes wide enough to see her standing on the balcony leaning on the railing.  She stood motionless facing the east, awaiting the morning sun.

    Slowly remembering the night before.  The flight delays at both airports was mentally draining.   When we arrived at the hotel, there was no energy to do anything as the night had settled on the all-inclusive resort.  The room service that we ordered last night still sat covered.  The bottled champagne unable to feel the chill of the long ago melted ice. Sleep was our only remedy.  Plotting to start fresh in the morning and enjoy this extended weekend escape. 

    Suppressing my id from spoiling this moment for her.  Desperately I wanted to approach her from behind and completely embrace that beautiful honey.   Thankfully thoughts of previous conversations reminded me that this is what she was seeking.  Not necessarily a single moment with me, but that peace of the sun rising above the horizon while the water continued to wave peace in her direction.   It was not my place to disturb that happiness she was desperately seeking. 

    “Hey sleepy head,” Tiffany said.

    “I’m not sleep,” I replied with grogginess, “what time is it?”

    “It’s like 10 something, I have been out and back already.” she said to prove her point.

    “Damn, my fault I must have been tired,” I conceded. 

    “I know, that’s why I let you sleep,” she acknowledged, “breakfast will be here soon.

    “How soon?,” I looked at her with deceit in my eyes.

    “Really soon!” She said laughingly. 

    The beauty of Tiffany wasn’t in her honey brown skin. Nor that she never aged.  Even though her body remained stunning regardless of time, it has her spirit that made her exceptional.   There was never a worry within her proximity.   Although she was an IT Tech by trade, there was something more to her than solving companies complex network issues.  It was as if, her purpose in life was to solve obstacles for others. 

    The more time with her, the more I realized how much her own way of life was draining her.  Tiffany never minded helping anyone she loved. But she also had a breaking point, where she almost expected to help someone to get on their feet and stay there.  She had enough experiences to know that she was not their lord and savior, but a true friend instead. 

    The sugar powered French toast, scrambled eggs with cheese and sausage did arrive quickly as Tiffany suggested.  I was pleasantly surprised I didn’t start something I couldn’t finish.  We were both starving.  Although, she went out for a walk, she didn’t even eat.  Tiffany shared she was waiting for me.  It was one of those moments that I held onto.  She would make the most simplistic sacrifices that contained more meaning than the actual event.  Tiffany was what I desired more than anything. 

    “Thank you Tiff,” I broke the silence.

    “I didn’t do anything but order food,” she declined the appreciation.

    “You’ve done a lot for me,” I countered, “just being a listening ear. Just being here.”

    “It’s cool.  We friends right,” she confirmed.

    Our friendship was forged from each of our past relationships.  We knew each other for years as acquaintances, periodically seeing each other at IT events.  Unfortunately our destiny changed at the Tech 100 Fair.  This annual event was the epitome showcase of technology.  The organizers chose the top 100 global technologies to watch over the next five years.  It was a thrilling event going booth to booth experimenting with technologies that few people even knew about.  This invitation only event also meant the attendees could influence the future investments of theses same technologies.  The excitement I should have experienced at my first event was lacking.

    Noticing in my eyes the pain she saw in her own.   She kindly escorted me from the main floor. We walked in silence until we were on the walking path adjacent to the hotel.  The only sounds were from the valets shouting orders at each other to park and retrieve cars and her heels.  The red bottom shoes that would have been protected by the flooring in the hotel, were being desecrated as we arrived at a near by bench.

    “Listen. I know we don’t always stay in contact, but I still consider you a friend.  And I know something is wrong,” she introduced the conversation.

    “I feel so stuck,” I blurted holding in the tears of another failed attempt at marriage.

    “What happened?” She said reaching for my hand covering my face.

    “I just cannot do this marriage shit anymore.  It’s such a fucking waste. I am obviously not marriage material.” I added. 

    “O.K. but what actually happened?” she continued her pursuit. 

    We both missed the entire morning session of the most important day in technology I have ever had.  Not only were there new technologies to learn, there were new opportunities and networks to foster.  People didn’t usually leave the conference without at least a few job offers.   It was an event for the top 100 technologies and the top 100 up and coming technologist.  But that first morning, at least two booths were continually unvisited throughout the first session. 

    Tiffany didn’t give me a solution the entire time.  I truly felt like I was sitting on someone’s couch, but it was what I needed at the time.  Her soft tone and gentle beauty never gave me the perception that I was being peppered with questions the entire time.   She pushed until I had my own awakening.  I was, in fact, still in charge of my own destiny. And I needed to act accordingly.

    Although I was expecting we would continue over dinner, she departed for home that day as the event was in her home town this year.  We didn’t reconnect anymore at this event in particular. From that point on I would make it a point to let her know when I was planning to arrive in town.  We formed a tradition of having a casual professional lunch together.  Nothing I had to worry about explaining as I was traveling for work, and work paid for each meal.  Each interaction left a lingering feeling of a budding connection that I would hold dearly.  

    The interactions over the years were always timely.  As if the universe returned us to where we needed to be. Ironically we were not directly working on improving our own bond.   Lavishing in sage advice from each other.  We found a way to improve ourselves without completely being in each other’s life. Although we constantly discussed family, everything we experienced was distinct and separated from our actual reality. The pleasure we exuded was more on a spiritual realm as we would leave each other’s presence fulfilled.

    Mentally our conversations were challenging.  Early on I noticed her physical indicators when she observed me lying. Every word needed to be with truth and thought.  Anything less would lower our bond.  There were years between speaking to her openly and being open to her mentally.  Tiffany was what I would have prayed for from any woman in my life.  The consummate supporter that elevated me, not because of what I was doing, because she could sense what I needed in the moment to achieve my potential.

    “What are you thinking about,” Tiffany said after I placed the breakfast trays outside the door.  She was walking toward the balcony again when I stopped her.  Finally I had that embrace that I was plotting to secure.  I didn’t remember getting undressed when we arrived last night, but I was hoping she was naked beneath her robe as I was with my own.   Eventually as our bodies settled I could feel her heart beating as her head leaned against me.

    The kiss.  That first kiss. Was passionately arousing.  The culmination of every open opportunity we had to learn about each other mentally and spiritually.  This was a euphoric experience, and we were just beginning as I untied her rob to feel her natural body.  There was just a t-shirt and panties separating our skin from connecting. 

    “Come watch the waves with me,” she abruptly interjected.  Hard headed I was lusting for more in the moment, and reluctantly followed her provocative direction.  The sun was fully visible in the fall sky.  The natural warmth of the region was enough to comfort our still robe covered bodies.  Tiffany offered me the lounge chair facing the waves.  She then straddled me instantly as she slowly slid completely down my erection. 

    Locked into each other’s eyes we reached a rare point in our relationship to date.  There were no words catapulting our bond.   W never even explored this moment of intimacy, so I didn’t want to assume it would happen.  Yet I was engulfed inside of Tiffany as she maintain that subtle rhythm of loving motion.  I was just there for the ride, literally.   Completely ignoring anything anyone else could see. Nothing else mattered except this exact feeling.  Periodically I could feel her squeezing as she rose to the tip of my head and literally come all the way down to my pelvic bone. 

    The excitement forced me to finish before she did. Instantly I lifted her off of me and placed her on the chair.  Propping open her legs to fail on both sides of the lounge.  Slowly I licked up her right inner thigh while caressing the left.  Timing my tongue to reach her clit as my fingers entered her body.  Flickering her clit in time with each inner movement.  I could feel her most sensitive region and found her rhythm.   Climaxing into a separation of physicality, she arrived excitedly. Reaching her physically, we were finally connected mind, body and soul.

  • Gave My All To You

    Gave My All To You

    I kept thinking if I gave my all to you

    You would give your all to me

    And no matter what happens

    We

    Would both be free

    Enjoying every bit of life

    Committed

    Forever

    You and me

    Met you on a hum

    Back in 2000 and summin

    Looking straight into your eyes

    Damn I was so surprised

    Saw you looking back at me

    Could this even be

    Possibility of eventuality

    Feeling my pulse pulsating

    Everything I’m contemplating

    Digging deep into my diction

    Recognition of what I’m missing

    Thinking about it deeply

    Hoping you can feel me

    Feel it sincerely

    Accepting every pain led to this

    This is the epitome of pure bliss

    I kept thinking if I gave my all to you

    you would give your all to me

    And no matter what happens

    We

    Would both be free

    Enjoying every bit of life

    Committed

    Forever

    You and me

    Now we enjoying this new love

    Like the things from up above

    Little nuisances fitting me

    Like a hand and glove

    Love similes and metaphors

    Everything I’ve hope for

    Waking up each morning

    In God we Trust

    That everything will always

    Always feel this way

    What did I ever do before you

    Cannot fathom being without you

    Seeing you so beautiful

    Even when I don’t understand every word

    Warmly caresses every nerve

    Feeling you as a part of my soul

    I kept thinking if I gave my all to you

    you would give your all to me

    And no matter what happens

    We

    would both be free

    Enjoying every bit of life

    Committed

    forever

    You and me

    Now you looking at me side eyed

    Looking right past my eyes

    And I’m struggling to figure this out

    Every conversation

    With screams and shouts

    Not sure what it’s about

    Things we use to do

    Now they annoy you

    Ain’t nothing cute no more

    You always slamming the door

    No longer understanding this

    What happened to that morning kiss

    It don’t feel like

    You ever meant it

    Staring at what we use to be

    Now I’m just a sad me

    I kept thinking

    If I gave my all to you

    There would Always be

    You and me

    I kept thinking

    If I gave my all to you

    There would Always be

    You and me

  • Whenever

    Whenever

    Whenever I can feel

    I can really feel you

    It’s like I go back in time

    To when I could

    Really feel you

    And I get lost in your skin tone

    And we get in this groove

    Like ain’t nobody home.

    Whenever I can feel

    It’s like all I have left

    Is the very air that we breathe

    Knowing that air is all connected

    I need to imagine this air

    It keeps us connected

    Holding in every breath of you

    Like I have nothing left

    Whenever I can feel you

    And I look in your eyes

    See that tongue out

    Or them lips poked out

    Makes me regret every time wasted

    Worried about who and the what

    All I need to know is the when to win

    Get excited just from your image

    Whenever I can feel you

    I Always remember the last interaction

    Even if the last interaction wasn’t perfection

    Just a moment in time

    As if it never existed

    But I still you walking down them steps

    I still feel that hug

    That’s all I have left

  • It’s Like

    It’s Like

    It’s like everything ….went dark. 

    Whether my eyes are open or closed.

    Nothing I can feel. 

    It’s like nothing exist anymore.

    The miles never caused me this much distance. 

    Because I could always feel you in an instance. 

    It’s like ….life keeps moving on.  

    I am where I always was. 

    You are climbing the endless mountain of opportunity.

    I encourage every step,

    But this was the first day I realized my feet haven’t moved not one step.

    It’s like ….time and space were just a phone call away. 

    I can feel your peace and sure bliss. 

    But I’m not there enjoying that, and that’s a painful moment, cause we are bonded mentally, Although we are separated physically.

    It’s like ….I’m seeing other people and thinking about you.  

    Is that you under that shaded tree? 

    If I left right now, how long it take to get to you?

    When I arrive would it be you?

    Or, Is that my imagination taken over me?

  • There Is Power

    There Is Power

    There is power in acknowledging fault

    That doesn’t mean things are cool

    Far from that

    Just had that 6th sense moment

    Realizing that they are them

    And I want nothing to do with them

    That beast that was hiding

    Now he is released.

    There is power in honesty

    And honestly I thought it was something else

    Believing vehemently in something else

    Now that I know

    It won’t be an unknown

    Let the truth be known

    From now on I will treat you all

    Treat you all exactly the same

    There is power in letting go

    If I was that person

    I’d just let it go

    But that fever inside of me

    It won’t let that shit be

    You have no idea

    Just how dastardly I can be

    Let me show you the real me

  • Seeing

    Seeing

    Seeing shit differently

    Like I’m living in a

    Strange dream

    Cause this cannot be reality

    That you ain’t even next to me

    In some other state

    So hard to wait

    Seeing life strangely

    Cannot even see straight

    Counting every date

    Looking for another way

    To share every step with you

    Damn I miss you

    If I could just see you

    Seeing light in the dark

    Don’t know where to even start

    Wishing I could see you

    Even I quick pic that would do

    Deeply loving you

    Imaging that I see you

    Praying I could touch you

    Seeing darkness around me

    How many days can it be

    You’ve been gone

    It’s been so long

    It’s been an eternity

    Damn what did I just say

    It’s only been one day

  • At My Lowest

    At My Lowest

    At my lowest

    Looking up at you

    Somehow I know

    You feel this too

    This anguish

    It’s controlling me

    Don’t know what I do

    If you weren’t here with me

    At my lowest

    I depend on you

    Somehow I knew

    I could share with you

    And after it all

    Still have each other

    Whatever you need

    Give me a call

    At my lowest

    I know this

    You can’t count on me

    Barely making it

    Guilt is perplexing me

    Recognizing inevitability

    Knowing right, but

    Doing wrong eventually

    At my lowest

    You looking down on me

    Feeling of disappointment

    It’s crushing me

    Wondering through this

    As if there was a hope

    Doing anything

    Unable to cope

  • If I Could

    If I Could

    If I could express this excitement

    This discipline that I lack

    Cannot control the inapt feeling

    You sitting there talking

    I feel every single word

    And while you’re speaking

    I send you my word

    Mouthing my emotion

    Hoping that cameras capture energy

    And you feel this emotion

    If I could utter the phrase

    Without scaring you away

    Something to let you know

    I need you with me

    And since that first day

    When I knew you believed me

    I knew within me

    I’d never let you

    Hate to even conceive

    One day you’ll leave

    If I could speculate momentarily

    Do you have any feelings for me

    Is there anything you see

    That you truly long to see

    Is this just another imaginary thing

    I know my day dreams are a real thing

    I cannot create something

    Where there is nothing

    And believe in it fully

    Is that how you see me

    If I could share this with you

    Just need that good morning

    That hello text from you

    Fueling my burning desire

    Remember that song

    You light my entire fire

    There is something

    That belief you have in me

    That something that

    It gives me victory

  • Woke Up Differently

    Woke Up Differently

    There wasn’t a feeling of gratitude

    Lost that entire mood

    The comfort of kinship was missing

    Within a single instance

    It became about business

    For whatever reason it seems

    Woke Up Differently

    There wasn’t this oneness anymore

    The doubt was evidently plain

    There are future plans

    For now, everything is not the same

    Collaboration falls short

    Whenever there is different energy

    Woke up Differently

    There wasn’t this beautiful goal

    All those words that were said

    Suddenly they felt cold

    There is something missing in understanding

    I am the one left standing

    Speculating an innate legacy

    Woke Up Differently

    There wasn’t this aura of peace

    The cloud amongst this

    Left me in an awkward place

    Unable to understand the feeling on my face

    Watching this new life progress

    Lost of the sense connectivity

    Woke Up Differently

  • This Is The Reality

    This Is The Reality

    This is the reality

    The majority of my time

    I spend on other’s lives

    Leveraging everything Family given

    And I give to others

    Freely and completely

    Give it, like I received it

    Without expectation of anything

    This is the reality

    raised with a different view

    Expectations were too high

    To ever be close to failure

    Now I struggle with anyone

    That intentionally wants failure

    Pushing feverishly

    Until others can see their own destiny

    This is the reality

    I don’t give a fuck about anything

    Literally could stand up

    And walk out, And never return

    Embedded from my legacy

    Selfishly I only think about me

    When it is no longer satisfying

    To help you see the truth… ✌🏾

  • I could Miss You

    I could Miss You

    I could miss you

    But I don’t

    Spent too many days

    Learning bout your ways

    And at the end of the day

    It didn’t even matter

    It was all just chatter

    What really hurt

    Is that my heart

    Didn’t even matter

    Listening to this same ol song

    You still asking me what is wrong

    The same thing that was wrong

    The very last time

    And I keep saying

    This will be the very last time

    But you already know

    That it’s not

    I guess that’s why

    There’s no thickness

    To this plot

    No matter what you do

    You know I’ll always

    Be right here for you

    But what you fail to see

    Is that each and every time

    You brought me to my knees

    You showed me

    You ain’t what I need

    You created an opportunity

    For me to see what I need

    So I’ll be here

    But only for them

    Cause that one calling out next

    They got me next

    And they are really into me

    Not just exaggerations in a text

    I could miss you

    But I don’t

    Spent too many days

    Learning bout your ways

    And at the end of the day

    It didn’t even matter

    It was all just chatter

    What really hurt

    Is that my heart

    Didn’t even matter

    My heart use to sink

    Remembering

    When I use to think

    This was something forever

    Knew in my heart

    This was meant to be forever

    Now when I sigh

    I cannot give you a reply

    There’s nothing to say

    I can bullshit if you need it

    Ok, how was your day

    You showed me over and over

    That if you was driving

    I would be

    Run right over

    Got strangers calling the spot

    I’m clean as a whistle

    So why it feel so hot

    Like do you have any love for me

    Do you even know what I need?

    Do you have any empathy?

    Of what it feels like

    When the one you love

    Never gives you love

    Cause love don’t feel like this

    Love don’t feel like this

    It don’t feel like this

    I’m so tired of this

    I could miss you

    But I don’t

    Spent too many days

    Learning bout your ways

    And at the end of the day

    It didn’t even matter

    It was all just chatter

    What really hurt

    Is that my heart

    Didn’t even matter

  • What It Seems

    What It Seems

    Not sure what to do with this emotion

    Wallo reminded me about expectation

    Here I am doing what I tell ME not to

    Thinking how’d I get to a place where it got to

    Feeling so unappreciative in all this

    Just that deep pondering that I miss

    Accepting envy from the TV

    Creating unrealistic moments of fantasy

    Mind repetitively reminding me

    All this was initiated by me

    Afraid to contemplate the true meaning

    Knowing the outcome is demeaning

    Avoiding every truth I see

    Instead of managing what could be

    Trying to ignore everything that could be

    Just trying to reach a state of peace

    If I could just stop thinking of the increase

    Know it ain’t right but I need to release

    The future is too far to be seen

    Focused on the past in what It should be

    Missing out on every present opportunity

    Then expecting peace when I’m sleepy

    The impossible creation of these dreams

    Closer than what it seems

  • Expecting

    Expecting

    Expecting an impossibility

    That’s so far away from me

    Thinking so briefly

    That you love me

    Expecting something small

    After I gave it my all

    But to you

    My all is nothing at all

    Expecting sincerity

    Perpetuating uncertainty

    Thinking I know your combination

    No where near the revelation

    Expecting just four lines of four

    Would get me in the door

    Once you understood

    It’d be love for evermore

  • Moment

    Moment

    Existing in this moment

    Lost for a moment

    Forget every moment

    That I loved for a moment

    Slowly crying out this fear

    So tired of this fear

    Avoiding life in fear

    Losing everything through fear

    Understanding every time

    That I wasted so much time

    Remember counting each time

    That I lost every time

    Slowly see things differently

    Shall I contemplate differently

    Life hitting me differently

    Resurrecting new beginnings differently

    Existing in Earth’s moment

    Breathing but a moment

    Feeling every moment

    Loved that moment

  • Give You My Heart

    Give You My Heart

    If I could give you my heart

    Not the four letters of a valentine

    Or the fake sensation created over time

    Deeply connected into the universe

    Consecutively built from nothingness

    Unselfishly living as the precedent.

    If I could give you my heart

    Irrelevant of your feelings in its essence

    Combined with unbridled energy

    Giving you everything from me

    Imposing a confidence I can only feel

    Creating a difference the ideal

    If I could give you my heart

    Each morning would be new

    Embracing every beauty within you

    Unshackled opportunity in view

    Driving constantly, the break through

    Shining in the darkest purview

    If I could give you my heart

    You’d feel every meaning of everything

    Arms outstretched nothing missing

    Elevating past idol levels

    Gravitating into every joy

    Transcending very sorrow

  • Love Matters

    Love Matters

    Love matters

    On my selfish shit

    Saying insensitive things

    Telling me about your day

    I’m telling you how it impacts me

    Hear you getting frustrated

    I cannot understand

    Now you all silent

    Give me another chance

    Let me listen to what you have to say

    Texting you, constantly, no response

    Calling you, voicemail, don’t hear a thing

    See you’re online, your status got that green thing

    It’s been like 24 hours since we talked

    First time it’s been so long

    Since we first met

    Not sure what to do next

    Hoping in the car need to find you

    Need to figure out what’s going on

    You responding like this is the finale

    Those words entered me

    Constricted my heart

    So much pain… hating myself intensely

    Love matters

    Days and days feel like that past me

    But you told me

    You needed silence

    I could barely speak

    Words lost in this mood

    Couldn’t work

    Couldn’t move

    Then out of nowhere

    Got that text

    You still mad at me

    Feeling some type of way

    But you still accepted

    My love is here to stay

    I am here

    Right here for you

    Don’t you know

    Whether it’s a second

    Or a lifetime

    I love you

    Love matters

  • Love Blinded Me

    Sitting here and I’m reflecting

    The days and nights I was dreading

    The anticipation of pain

    More than that physical pain

    Keeping hope where none remains

    Wanting life, like I imagined it to be

    Yet here I am

    Longing that fantasy

    Love blinded me

    Recalling days of the past

    Using hindsight’s glasses

    What I thought I saw

    Wasn’t reality at all

    That jumbled confusion

    My pain, my illusion

    it’s like waking up

    Not Knowing who you are

    It’s like the blindfold is gone

    Not knowing how this will work

    Have to admit my uncertainty

    Seeing you for the first time

    Love blinded me

    Those future plans

    Was never gonna come true

    Made with someone I never knew

    Elaborate strategies, strange feelings

    Our relationship never grew

    Now I see, too late to see

    This sea of misery

    So I persevere through excuses

    Continue to rationalize nothingness

    Paralyzed by embarrassment

    Not willing to accept my own role

    In this misguided fantasy

    Instead of accepting it

    I blame love instead

    Love blinded me

  • Frequency

    Frequency

    All it takes is a second

    And were disconnected

    That energy just stops

    Everything on mute

    First I thought it was me

    What happened to that frequency?

    Tryna not be affected

    Just know we’re disconnected

    Looking at you like a shell

    Physically you are there

    Mentally just cannot see

    Did we lose that frequency?

    Looking in the mirror

    Trying to find the change in me

    Something I’m missing

    Stuck in this misery

    Lost in shear futility

    I cannot feel our frequency.

    Pronounced as radar

    Sunshine or stormy weather

    Always reconcile with each other

    Discontent planted in fertile hearts

    Nothing left but the agony

    Missing our frequency.

  • These Songs

    These Songs

    Listen

    No I feel them

    Can remember them

    More than anything I’ve ever seen

    Hear this thing in my dreams

    Somehow speak for me

    In some way they feel me

    These songs

    It’s on or off

    They muse me

    Even bring me from my own despair

    Remind me that I am the creator

    Creating this thought I’m holding on to

    Creating this feeling about you

    Creating this pain when I’m around you

    Powerful harmony

    These songs

    The original high

    Powerful enough to lead soldiers to die

    Soothing enough ease a baby’s cry

    Proportionally voices increase strength

    Harmoniously instruments increase potency

    But that lone sound,

    that touches me

    Wake from death

    Create new life

    These songs

    Classically

    I get jazzed up

    Silently the blues comfort me

    The rhythm & blues can’t Pop me

    But The rhythm & poetry rock me

    Only feel one country

    But that feeling of the religious and folk

    It somehow was electronic

    Whether vocal or instrumental

    these songs.