Tag: Poetry

What if…..

Forever were right now.

And there was nothing preventing anything

Everyone free to do anything

Previous commitments non-existent

Past mistakes totally eliminated

Every single sin relinquished

Would I be your forever then????

What if…..

Forever existed momentarily.

There were no obstacles toward anything

Every child completely independent

Income auto-generated

There were no wants

Would you need me?

Would I be your forever then????

What if…..

Forever was just fantasy.

Could I be your only reality?

Creating an indiscriminate commitment

Consistently allow opportunity

Embrace for my own sanity

If we concentrated on an eternity

Would I be your forever then????

What if….

Forever were waiting on us

Expecting things to change

But doing nothing different

God don’t make mistakes

Believing completely in everything we do

Finding more time with you

Would I be your forever then????

What if…..

Forever were for you and I

And we became as tight as your Locs

Every time I saw you the embrace wouldn’t end

Allowing every emotion to unlock

Inspired by every love song

Tasting every drop of honey

Would I be your forever then????

What if….

Forever were awaiting an opportunity

And you intentionally triggered me

Wearing some purple bra and panties

Suddenly I forgot every limitation

Lost logical inhibition

Nothing prevented anything

Would I be your forever then?

Fear

Such an awful thing to feel

Trying to unravel thoughts

Wonder materialized

Do I speak too much

combining truth and fantasy

Delicately finding words

Self-reflecting on hidden meaning

Millions of words To give

But I wouldn’t write another

If I lost my friend…

Pain

Spiritually we are intertwined

Living very few days without thrones

That prickly feeling sticking me

Reminding me of what’s wrong

Regardless of the shit I talk

I rather leave first than be left

Something about making the decision

It lessens the pain for me

Still creates that void in me

But I am avoiding memorable tears

If I lost my friend….

Love

Inspiring lyrics out of the ether

Encouraging actions with potential energy

Providing me unique ability

Literally seeing word clouds flying by

As fast as I can

I’m Grabbing them

Adding them with a pen to the mix

Orchestrating the manifestation of thought

Believing this is releasing anxiety

There is nothing left inside of me

It’s how I define peace

Completely open with no filter

Executing relentlessly

Smiling as an outlet for future success

And you are right there with me

But it would end terribly

If I lost my friend….

Joy

Heard of such a thing

As if it is something to it

A climax to achieve

The celebration of something unique

But my achievements are based differently

Escalating self created psychological warfare

I never expect people to be there

So I avoid situations of dependency

Able to walk away instantly

So I cannot figure out

Why I treat you differently?

I reach out periodically

Even when you pull back

To make sure you and your family are intact

I wait patiently

Never a thought to disappear

Never consider that you left me

Why do I view you differently?

It’s based on similarities

You can step away instantly

You don’t need me

It is by choice than a dependency

You want me in your life

Digesting that

Got me thinking twice

It is that feeling that I’m feeling

Being wanted Not just needed

That is what I’ve been missing

Now that I know it

Can’t go back from it

But I’d stop it all in a second

If I lost my friend.

I Love you like a lover

I hear different sounds around you

The flowers smell different

I am consistently inconsistent

Feeling things I never felt

Seeing things that are not here

Organisms releasing tension

The world is clear….

I love you like a friend

Down for whatever you need

Whenever you need it

For any op that you got

We can creep up on they spot

At the last minute

Helping you move a whole house

Whatever I got you got….

I love you like a sister

Talking shit to you

About everyone we know

Don’t care about no one’s feelings

Just know we here for each other

A mutha fucka can talk shit all day

Normally I’ll look the other way

Better not be toward your way….

I love you like a mother

Trying to pay you back for everything

Without any doubt

I know in a given moment

You would sacrifice everything for me

The longest love I ever experienced

There is nothing like it

For you, I would give my life….

I love you like you are mine

As if we are building an empire

There is no problem that we cannot share

We make sure when we fight

We always get it in fair

Before the night is over

We are in each others arm

Apologizing for every wrong

I am humble

Closing my eyes

Just for a second

Enjoying this spirit of gratitude

That same feeling you get infrequently

That mood celebrating a victory

But what if

You had the authority and power

To invoke that spirit perfectly

No need to wait on children’s success

Ignore temporary social accolades

Pause in your tracks

Decide to feel ecstatic

If you ain’t smiling

You ain’t there yet….

I am tired

Way past sleepy

Had so much on my mind

Needed to burn all of my energy

If you were feeling better

I would have called

Even sent a long ass text

Too dangerous to send a letter

Normally I can last

Next time comes when it comes

This time

I’m struggling….

I am patient

That’s all I can tell myself

Seems ridiculous

That we are so far apart

Knowing intuitively

That my entire world is at peace

Whenever I see you once a week

Yet here I am

Emptying out my soul

Everyone is here

But I feel so alone….

I am hungry

I don’t know what I want to eat

But I need something

Spoiled is the best word I have

Used to the spots we visit

Getting out of my routine

Wanting more than I have

The reality

Life will provide what I need

I am tired of being patient

Too hungry to leave….

I am him

Only real difference

There’s a lot less hair

But everything else

It’s still there

Matured a lot since back then

Learned so many lessons

Now I am just sharing

Staying in gratitude

Moving through life

The main purpose is peace

When I see cloudy skies

I am humble enough to go inside

I am tired enough to rest

I am patient enough to be blessed

I am hungry enough to be fed

I am him

Today is meant to be a quiet day

The atmosphere has moved

I can literally feel the mood

This isn’t a devasting event

More like a quiet storm

Enjoying the cleared air

Mentally adjusting

Things keep changing

But the evidence of what remains

All looks the same….

Today is meant to be a peaceful day

No commitments to pursue

Allowing entities to move gently

Flowing with hidden frequency

Feeling fully fulfilled

Accepting life for what it is

Enjoying the privilege of choice

Choosing exist happily

Not willing to fight just to fight

Opportunities continually missed….

Today is meant to be a beautiful day

Joyously filled with beautiful things

Each bird’s voice uniquely heard

Winds caressing honey brown skin

Walking past the flowers gently

Understanding what life means

This won’t mean everything to everybody

But the love of family is all that matters

Who else deserves unconditional love?

Who will be there when the sky falls????

Today is meant to be what it will be

I am here for it all

No need to react to any of it

It is always revealing seeing things

People say one thing with no intent

Expecting actions to have ill intent

But you know what I have learned

People will do what they will do

The most important thing you can do

Make sure that you are always you

Why now do I feel different?

Distance has been so routine

But now it feels different

It’s like I am missing it

Missing the confidence

Regardless of the time or distance

When we connect its different

Always increasing in spirit

Continually elevating

The sense of expansion

Wanting more than I was given

Clearly something is missing….

Why now do I need to connect

We don’t ever lose that connection

So I know I am tripping

Being reckless intentionally

Needing to remember how we connect

The beauty of this

It gives us time to reflect

Deepen our intellect

Enjoy the solitude of moments

How beautiful is it

Distance, time nor drama prevent this

We exist unconsciously….

Why now is this feeling so strong

Nothing has really changed

It feels like the same song

I’ve known you for so long

The thing that challenges me

When I see you smile instantly

Even when you challenge me

I receive it in love

Never worry about you selfishly harming me

There is some comfort

When we are limited by hugs

There isn’t an expectation of escalation

So we stay focused on love….

Why now, why now, why now

Keeping the phone in my hand

Making sure I’m available

But what’s questionable

That’s not how we roll

The intent is pure

There’s no need to respond instantly

We got each other for an eternity

So a dew minutes, days or months

After all the thoughts

I see a “hey you”

Instantly I feel love again

I need this

Periodically I second guess me

Getting confused within reality

It is not always clear what I feel

Humanity locked into my own fantasy

I would tell you I was real

But I don’t know me in reality

Finding too much pleasure in dreams

Consciously I live subconsciously

Where nothing in this world

Could have control over me

But regardless of how desperately I move

There has always been thoughts of you

The challenge is knowing and believing

That you have those thoughts too….

I need this

Just to know for sure

That you love me for sure

That all those thoughts are not random

I want to know the what ifs

And the if I knew then what I know now

I want to believe you think of me

This is crazy to think

If I were my own friend

What advice would I give

Knowing the exact circumstances

We both know who’s at home

Yet in a moments notice

We are both ready to roam

Knowledge is not power

It is a vain understanding

Because I powerfully love you

Yet I never take action

Afraid of the outcome

Afraid I would lose you….

I need this

If you do this one thing

Every time you have a thought of me

Write it down in detail

What you are thinking

The time of day

Is it a week day or the weekend

I can guarantee if I do the same thing

Then we compare notes after 7 days

We will both see the same thing

Because I am intertwined with you

Connected to you

Aligned into the spiritual realm

As if we are from the same womb

Without your sincerity I am lost

Walking the earth aimlessly

Dreaming of a time

When I wished you were mine

Preventing my ego from letting you go

There is nothing more real

Than when you say my whole name

I lose sight of every objective

Melting in your perspective

Thanking you every breath I have left….

I need this

If I cannot have you directly

Fuck it, let it be me indirectly

Be an eternal side jawn

I don’t care what you do while I’m gone

You could be with whoever all day long

Just make sure that shit is clean

Looking mean

Feed me that sweet brown honey

As soon as I get home

All we need to do is keep this going

Always making sure it is right

I will never leave you angry

Every word I give you will be the truth

Never even signs of jealously

Not wasting a single emotion unnecessarily

All the energy I have

Being used to make it last

Filling your pleasure senses

Pushing you to your physical limit

I want you dreaming about this shit

Waking up in the middle about this night

Thanking God we did this shit

When I tell you I love you

Do you ever hear it

I’ve said it so many times

I was right in front of you

You were telling me about something

And whatever the something was

It helped remind me instantly

That I Love You….

When I whisper it gently

Can you feel it loudly

Every emotion being transferred

Using three words to convey my meaning

Not willing to let any of it go

Would it be different

If I screamed

That I Love You….

When I think about you subtly

The same image I always see

You are walking in elegantly

Your cheeks get bigger

We are connecting instantly

Approaching me gently

That moment always reminds me

That I Love You….

When I am heavy hearted

You find a way to get me started

Allowing the conversation to be

I don’t want to tell you

But I feel like I have to

What else am I supposed to do

Wrapped in this enchantment

That I Love You….

When I am ready to depart

That is the hardest part

Distance seems to make us closer

Well I’m tired of getting closer

I want to be right here with you

Starting and ending days with you

I wish you could feel this

That I Love You

Maybe the reality

We are each other’s escape

That piece of life

Where being on top

Isn’t all it is expected to be

No one to care for in the moment

We can literally share anything

Removing ourselves from dependency

And just for a moment

Just be a we….

Regardless of life

A monthly escape is nice

Just pause the ticking clock

Check-in and maintenance

Sharing key updates

Reassuring sentiments

Look into each other’s eyes

Only way to know for sure

That everything is everything

And I know you are O.K….

Maybe we need a road-trip

Nowhere in particular

But it’s just curiosity

Never been with you

Longer than a moment

would the escape be different

If nothing pulled us away

Existing in this space

At the same moment

Just a touch away

Would that be O.K….

Is it called an escape

If it’s on another continent

What would that mean

How strong is this friendship

Could this be the new beginning

Someone to spend time with

Allowing individual life to exist

Until we are together

Experiencing each other

It’s like nothing else exist

I used to think there was only one way

A single opportunity for success

Everything rest on simple conquests

Thinking if I am in one lane

I must stay there permanently

So although I see other opportunities

There is no action for me

Living in this hesitancy

But what if I have been wrong for so long

And instead of one thing

There is more available to me

Is it greed to pursue

Something that is meant for you

What do you do

When both will do….

I normally limit myself from options

Living in a binary state of mind

Sometimes it is easier to separate decisions

Into the smallest possible decision

As if life is as simple as computing

And all we have to do is pick zeros and ones

The reality gets a bit more confusing

Believing holistically

But wondering the reason

Why do we exist like this

Sporadic interactions

Now with planned intentions

And now I am thinking

There is no need to make one decision

When both are possible…

I need to rethink how I think

Release this fantasy

That everything must be a certain way

There are chances for circumstances

Different options are abound

The limits of society are limited

Intentionally causing conflict

As the heart and mind are so different

Logic dictating so many imperfects

But the soul can feel me there

Drawing me closer constantly

Thoughts betraying me

Welcoming love in

I cannot fathom the sin

Both choices are for me….

I know destiny

Experiencing the thrill of peace

The world’s actions are irrelevant

I determine my reactions

Totally in control of every feeling felt

That is how I know feeling this

Is nothing short of a miracle

Even if it is not reciprocated

I know this to be true

I’m not patiently waiting

I am actively living

Constantly experiencing the love of you

Once my eyes were open

I couldn’t ignore the evidence

Both thoughts exist for one truth

Interpretation of absence

And presence simultaneously

Within this constructed view

There is no difference

Based on a surreal belief

That you feel about me

Like I feel about you

So even when you aren’t in view

The passion is just as passionate

There is no time wasted

No thoughts about what should be

Enjoying life momentarily

More than actuality….

Maintaining these dreams beautifully

If they actually happened

They wouldn’t mean a thing

Just repeating what already exist

This truth is in the present tense

This is not de ja vu

This is intention of believing

Held you so many times

I never knew you weren’t mine

Yet I know the speculation

This is not an insanity defense

This is my complete story

Not just actuality….

Unbeknownst to a great extent

I believe you know what it is

But I’ve never said a word

When we are together silence reigns

Avoiding pain unheard

Hold every word close to me

Knowing our deepest sincerity

Not willing to sacrifice it for truth

I’d rather keep the truth

Without the fantasy

It is only my truth

No need to let it loose

Actuality is crazy….

Closed my eyes and exhaled

Not sure how long I will be able

The truth doesn’t set you free

Unless everything is on the table

But truth exist like beauty

Depends on the beholder

With the years I’ve grow bolder

Never had an open opportunity

To share everything openly

So while this window is open

Its gonna be what it’s gonna be

Ending assumptions and speculation

Dealing with this actuality

Woke up into so many thoughts

Captured in boundless words

Heard a Hey You in the early morning

Surprised to see that you stayed

Not that I wanted you to leave

But I didn’t say what I needed to say

There is comfort in knowing

Regardless of where this is going

Things are going to be O.K….

The sun heating the morning sky

The dew completely dissipated

And now we are just waiting

Birds speaking their love language

All these words on paper and text

Awaiting the other to say what’s next

It is easier to let time pass by

Than to accept this new reality

You are here with me….

Patience creating opportunity

The peace of the silence growing

From a gentle relaxation to a full embrace

Powerfully enjoying this instance

Love permeating across your face

Asking you if everything is O.K.

Responding gently sharing with me

That Brachetto d’Acqui did its thing

 I’d rather believe it was because of me….

Transferring into this unique space

Noticing the chocolates and Coke

Somehow you’re surprised I remembered

But very few things escape me about you

If life wasn’t what it was

I would know more about you

Have you believing you aren’t alone

Have you trusting I’ll always be there

Have you smiling just because I’m home

Lovingly…

I intend you love you completely

Regardless of anything I see

I will believe in your word reverently

I don’t care what anyone says you do

I will only hear you

With complete trust and loyalty too

There is nothing more present

Than this undying love I feel

There is nothing

That will keep me from wanting you

It is that energy that I feel

Just from a single word

The spirit moves within me

The pen starts translating its meaning

Inking thoughts from the ether

It is the only way possible

Bringing spiritual feelings

Into this physical realm

Beautifully….

This existence of expression

It misses my logic

Because I do not understand

Why it is we feel this way

There is always something between us

Yet something prevents us

It is hard for me to describe eloquently

I can author so many words

But I cannot explain at all

The power you have within me

Sparking my eternal flame

Excitement is feverish

Whenever I say your name

Wondering aimlessly patiently

Not even sure what the future brings

Unable to predict what this means

I finally understood it was mutual

When you said they wouldn’t understand

Selfishly….

I intend for you to know everything

Each thought throughout the day

Every sin I committed

And pretended it was a blessed event

It is my best defense mechanism

The more you know

The more you know

And you will soon realize

The person behind the smile

When you see the realest unravel

Like so many others

I will never hear from you again

It is not personal

Just self-preservation

If I was your friend

I would constantly recommend you

Protect your peace

With all you can

Prayerfully…

I pray distinctively

Empower for me to be trustworthy

Whatever it is that is needed

Provide me the strength to provide it

May I have the knowledge to know

When to interfere for your betterment

And when to mind my business

Give me the capability to feel the meaning

Even when the words cannot be said

Bless me with this opportunity

Holding you for longer than a hello

Allow me to exhale every concern

And inhale you until I can let go

Please allow this blessing to flourish

Be that comfort in a time of need

Standing by at all other times

But always ready to go

Amen…

Can you love two different people simultaneously

And love them differently

There is not a comparable thing

More like filling voids that exist

Knowing there is no way

That one can do what the other can do

So why expect to love one more than the other

Its just the different differences….

Can you love another person independently

With everything you have

If you already love another

Can you even call it an entanglement

Life would be so unfortunate

If keeping one love

Only means losing the other

Its just the different differences….

Can you fill voids in understanding

Talking to one … openly

While walking with the other …. closely

Can one person truly fulfill you

Do you need more than one person can give

Is it appropriate to expect something different

When the other is willing and able

Its just the different differences…..

Can you say I Love You and mean it

When you say it to two different people

Is the meaning lost in the volume of people

What if you only love parts of what someone can give you

What would life be like

If we could openly love people differently

Reaching the peak of pure love

Its just the different differences.

The sun barely breaching the horizon

Cannot remember why this isn’t better

At this point in my life

You could have never told me

We wouldn’t see the sunrise together

Managing hidden fantasies

Protecting them like they are memories

Drawing from a different state of mind

From every eventuality

Of what could have happened

You become mine

Life somehow remains on repeat

But being with you would be so SWEET….

Involuntary moments creating anxiety

Inhaling and exhaling intentionally

Trying my best to relax and reflect

Why is my heart pounding like this

You are no where near me

But your presence is with me

Like you are right in front of me

Sharing every emotion

Anger, frustration, love, devotion

And it’s too much for me to just listen

I cannot see you exist like this

Giving you every bit of attention

Delicately kissing your GOLDEN skin….

There is a pause in the questioning

As I cannot answer everything for you

I don’t know why they did what they did

Probably they could approach it differently

Instead of doing what they did

And now you are where you are

But maybe this is God answering prayers

Because I have definitely been there

Asking for the strength to endure this

Believing in a peaceful existence

Knowing nothing can cure this

And the only thing that was left

Was a savoring for HONEY….

What if you look at this differently

The amount of times our paths cross

We were blind, but now we can see

Continually we end in similar situations

Magnetically something keeps pulling me

Letting go of people and things

It is normally done easily

Just hit delete without a second thought

But you are burned into my psyche

I do not remember a day without you

Yet there’s something missing

Let me taste that

SWEET GOLDEN HONEY

Good Morning

Wake up waiting for it

Leveraging it to set the tone

It is my ignition

The beauty of the discipline

As soon as I see it

My mood switches

And from that point on

I am ON….

Good Morning

Not sure if you even know this

But I just don’t fuck with everyone

I got trust issues

Ain’t enough tissues

To even cry about it

Straight bullshit is what I’ve been through

Unfortunately I don’t take chances

I stay where there’s loyalty….

Good Morning

Never accepting it as routine

There was a time

I could go for days

Without a single response

Just boundaries that were needed

But now the wall came crumbling down

Let me find out

I’m the only one around…

Good Morning

Even if it’s the middle of the night

It isn’t the phrase but the intent

It is what I hold onto tight

I don’t know if it will continue

Or never happen again

But for right now I enjoy it fully

Knowing above anything else

We are still friends

Wanting to know I’m not alone in this

What can I do to cement this

When the phone does not vibrate

There is so much anxiety

Wondering did I say enough

Maybe I shared too much

Insecurity of the situation being revealed

Then suddenly I see a Hey You

And I know YOU are still here

Blessed to know that YOU care

Not sure what I’d do if I lost YOU

Can I just have this moment with YOU????

Wanting to be there

If I could take one kind step

With everything I had left

Would it be enough

I just need to share this with you

The whole YOU

The YOU filled with optimism

The YOU that perseveres

That YOU

That indescribable YOU

That indestructible YOU

Can I just have this moment with YOU????

Wanting more than I need

It is a simple ancient belief

The more knowledge you gain

The more ignorance is revealed

There is nothing anyone could have said

I know I can bond quickly or not at all

But in all cases it is within my control

Until YOU stayed on repeat

And each time I see YOU

I see a different YOU

A strengthened YOU

Can I just have this moment with YOU????

Wanting to believe more than I see

Nothing is different between us

The language is exactly the same

Yet without notice things changed

A sudden bolt of energy

Like lightning crackling

Consuming the midnight sky

Spotlighting YOU

Focusing the world on YOU

Seeing a new YOU

That powerful YOU

Can I just have this moment with YOU?

If the water was to fall

How much would you recall

Is it the water falling

Or is it the entire scene

Yet so much of that water is unseen

Endless amounts of pure joy

Flowing constantly

No concern for anything

Loving you just as easy….

If the breeze caresses you

Do you ever wonder why you?

As you feel that comfort

Somehow it surrounds you

Soothing that innate desire

It relaxes your inner being

Nothing can stop the breezes flow

Entering and engulfing your entirety

Loving you just as easy….

If the flame warms you

Sitting on the patio

Under the darkened sky

You never even consider

Not being warm for a minute

You embrace it

You lean into all of it

Allowing the energy to transfer

Loving you just as easy….

If love could be seen

Radiating your beauty

opening for new horizons

Expanding experiences

Exposure to new languages

Reaching every continent

Existing in peace

Regardless of circumstances

Loving you just as easy

Hoping

You get the rest you need

Your dreams  are filled pleasurable desires

You accept what you need

Your energy always rejuvenates

You are loved constantly

Your spirit finds peace daily….

Wishing

Your every dream is yours to keep

You achieve all the thoughts desired

Your ideas flourish

You fulfill the unseen opportunities

Your exceptional moments stay on time

You exist in an environment of peace….

Praying

You find what you need

Your focus is to succeed

You become the peace you desire

Your love brightens the world

You achieve every success

Your will will never be met….

Loving

Your determination

You have a quiet beauty

Your humility is surreal

You can feel how I feel

Your love will be eternal

You are what you are

Let me say this though

Is it bad that it doesn’t feel off

I swear if I close my eyes

I could follow the sound of your heart

That precious beat calling me

Directly me down every street

The day wouldn’t be complete

If it didn’t end embracing what’s sweet….

Let me say this though

I can talk around it all day

I fucked up back in the day

But for real for real it all worked out

If I was now who I was then

Shit wouldn’t have worked out

There wasn’t enough pain in me

To appreciate the gift if you….

Let me say this though

At the dawn of each day

Without hesitation or provocation

 thoughts Resonant around me

Reminding me constantly

There is nothing that competes

The truth is completely 

I’m In love with you….

Let me say this though

I think insanity rules me

Because I don’t believe

You see me fully

There’s no way

You think of me

like I think about you

Yet I’m here holding onto you….

Let me say this though

I knew I was fucked up

This is beyond the day dreams

More than these wild fantasies

When the night was revealed

One thing shown through

I realized before I went to slept

I was saying good night to you

Is it wrong?

That you are my focus

I care about all your connections

But if I am not connected

I won’t lose focus

I am the key to your lock

Releasing your purest energy

Nothing needs to be said

But I can receive it all

There is this unnamed feeling

That has me lost…

Is it right?

The amount of hours you have of mine

Even when you are not with me

You are with me all the time

This is far from a struggle

This is an intentional affair

Moving with purpose and discipline

Words remain cavalier

There’s no regret in this perception

His worse mistake

Is about to be my best blessing….

Is it wrong?

Texting you all night long

Even got you on that special ring tone

The night ain’t right

If I don’t hear your voice at night

How can I explain this differently

I hide you geographically

And you hide me physically

Knowing no one would understand

The openness we share

The love in our hands….

Is it right?

That I get excited at your silhouette

Even through tinted windows

Just the context of your being

My inner id is in here screaming

Happy as a dog with bone

Concentrated on every single taste

Delicately licking every single place

Ignoring obvious limitations

Entangling past regrets

With current obligations

All I was doing was sitting here

Completely empty of any thought to pursue

There was only one thing I wanted to do

Just put down a few words

Expelling every thought that I choose to feel

Unbeknownst to me

You had this thought of me

Then suddenly things changed instantly

And I was lost in you….

Thoughts are my intention

Every interaction is specifically designed

Grounded in a universal belief

That you completely believe in me

Therefore I walk proudly

Chest protruding loudly

There are differences between us

But there is nothing stopping us

Existing eternally because it’s us….

Allowing energy to flow through

It’s the only way I get that glimpse of you

Allowing molecules of air to emulate touch

Because if that molecule together something

And that something is connected to something

There is something unseen

That creates this bind we share

Regardless of what it is

I have no thoughts of letting the shit go….

Time is a vengeful spirit

Knowing full well how many days I have

Yet there are so many things

Keeping me away from you

Not even sure what I need to do

Present keeps changing constantly

Too anchored in the past evidently

Wondering what I did in a past life

Why these Thoughts have a hold on me

Right there

And I cannot even see you

But these images stay fruitful

Organizing thoughts from nothing

Right now I know where you are

Inappropriate for me to be knocking

But damn it is challenging

Just knowing I could see you now

Maybe pretend to be room service

Can you hear me????

Right there

Right next to you

Bringing you some breakfast

Trying find out

What you want to get into

I’m already good

Got everything I need

I’m right here with you

With the best everything

Can you see me????

What is it

That I’m missing

Is it how you walk past the kitchen

Ain’t nothing cookin but you

Smelling like the sweetest honey

Can I just taste you

Show you every appreciation

Loving completely

With no hesitation

Can you see me right there????

How come

We are even going through this

So many missed texts

Is your phone working

Are we playing games

Are is this real

I know I feel how I feel

I love you too much

Not to keep this real

Can you hear me right there?

What am I

Besides something this

This entity that cannot be understood

Always thought it was straight forward

Pigeonholed into limitations

There was nothing to feel

Anything felt would be unnecessary

So I dwelt in what was dealt….

Who am I

I know who I am to me

But who am I to you

A Listening ear for every secret

Some type of machine

Meant to respond robotically

So I am not meant to care obviously….

When am I

Important thing to you

Is there such a person

Other than blood relations

Because instantly I could be ghost

No longer physically existing

Nothing more than a memory….

Where am I

The world is moving

Yet I am right here

Waiting with anticipated doubt

The line is dead now

There is nothing left here

The mirror reflecting what I don’t want to hear

Reflecting on different circumstances differently

Removed from all visibility

Reigning over everything

Remembering each phone ring

Righteously believing in this way

Relying on an unbreakable connection

Reading between every line

Rehashing lost times

Raising a prayer

Reconfirming you are here….

Absent from each situation

Aware of all of my limitations

Able to feel your energy

Always existing patiently

Available at a moments notice

Analyzing each text message

Absorbing every misconceived thought

Allowing every bit of love to flow

Anticipating every joyful feeling

Aspiring to that long lasting embrace….

Wandering how long it will be

Wanting every bit of love now

Wearing each emotion openly

Withholding all this pain for so long

Withstanding unlimited ridicule

Weakened through time

Writing this out openly

Willing to accept what it is

Worry you will not pick me

Wishing there is no one but me

Wondering indefinitely

What is it

What I could do individually

Emotionally I am with you

Physically Im fiendish

Not even sure if it’s mutual

I do know this for sure

Sitting idly

There is nothing to this

But damn

Then my mind starts thinking….

Wondering prospectively

What did I do wrong

Unfortunately I loves wrong

For so long

Cannot erase a single bit of it

Forced to accept and live with it

Yet now when I look at you

Regret starts to set in

There is nothing I can do

Just be with what it is

Or be gone, that’s it….

Wondering sporadically

Would the sun rise differently

If our lives were entangled

Would the moon stay full

When our hands intertwined

Thinking about future scenes

Forecasting smiles in the universe

Clearly things could get worse

None of that matters right now

Enjoying every minute

Lost in each second….

Wondering fanatically

Ignoring every step I took

It’s easier to pretend

That I am so innocent

I know it’s unrealistic

Unreasonable to believe that

But it’s still the principle

I made mistakes

They are easy to make

The world is different

On these hidden dates

Just woke up

Picked the phone up

Still no reply (no answer)

Have no clue

What do you want me to do

I Just want you to know (just know)

I miss you (miss you)…

Still dark outside

Went to sleep

Swallowing my pride

I swear I did nothing wrong

But reality hit different

When I heard your painful cry

You asked me a simple question

I couldn’t answer

I don’t know what to say

How many times

Can one person apologize

Apologies don’t mean anything

When you are tangled in lies….

Just woke up

Picked the phone up

Still no reply (no answer)

Have no clue

What do you want me to do

I Just want you to know (just know)

I miss you (miss you)….

It’s never been this long

When are you coming back home

How can we work through this

Everything I say is wrong

Any innuendos of us

Leads back to this painful memory

I wish I never did what I did

But what about these kids

If nothing else

They need us together

But wishing this doesn’t make it true

Don’t know how many times I called

But your voicemail is full….

Just woke up (I miss you)

Picked the phone up (I miss you)

What do you want me to do (I need you)

I Just want you to know (just know)

I miss you (miss you)

Miss you (miss you)

Asking you all these questions

Not enough time for every answer

Caught in the commercials

Everything must be sensationalized

It is the only way for it to have real meaning

Add something sweet to it

Spice it up with some honey

Tasting all of that purity

Just say my name….

Ignoring obvious situations

Looking around with nothing to see

Unable to expect any reality

Because living this fantasy

This is all that maters to me

Without this fictional tale

What could I say appropriately

Maybe I should touch you softly

Just say my name….

Expecting the past to last

No need to take a single step forward

There is no need to waste a single step

No need to waste idle words

Lost in beliefs that could move mountains

Prevented from inevitable pain

Without notice you change as the wind

But before you leave the scene

Just say my name….

Anticipating

It’s hard to tell what’s original

There are so many emotions flowing

But the presence doesn’t match

We this, but we act like that

The words are said casually

These are hard facts

Need you at that point

Just say my name please…